I'm a dumbass. No, really. I am at times. It's embarrassing as fuck. I'm a very intelligent, self-aware woman, so when I follow down an intellectual path and can't see the extremely obvious or suddenly become aware of the very obvious boulder marking my path, it's like "DUH!" ~sigh~ Clark, my sherpa, has a frightening and arcane ability to bring out these "Dings" moments, but this one he didn't initiate, surprisingly. No...I've just been leaning up against this big ass boulder for a while now, and a about a month ago I finally intellectually realized it was there. SMH.
I am not polyamorous. Well known and established. I can't love more than one Man at a time. I lack the capacity to manage multiple intimate simultaneous relationships. For better or worse, I am genuinely emotionally, mentally, physically (with some D-directed caveats) monogamous. An Ownership M/s is a great fit for me.
However, I am very able to navigate my Partner (D/M/S/O) being poly within very specific boundaries AKA a foundation of total transparent honesty. My first poly relationship was at 18, and throughout the last 27 years a poly dynamic has often been better suited for me and my life than traditional, but that's a topic to (re-)explore another time.
Along that same line...there's a hint of different possibilities with this situation and Him that I'd never really considered before in a poly dynamic. That hint isn't something I'm even ready to bring out in the open with myself to look at yet. But it's something I may need to consider later. We'll see.
So that boulder I mentioned...While I am monogamous, I am still absolutely very much a part of the poly equation. Hence...I AM poly by de facto. <~Ding's moment. I'm not sure what poly term/label is appropriate for me, but now that I've realized and accepted that I DO ACTUALLY fall well within the "Polyamorous" population, I need to do a better job of embracing that support network because it isn't always easy (for any of the parties involved) and the answers to challenges aren't always obvious.
While His authenticity and openness are definitely instrumental in how well our dynamic (He and I) flows, I don't sit idle and helpless. I'm His lioness not a lamb. No matter what aspect (M/p, S/m, business, pleasure, etc.) of our dynamic it is, I seek to be an active positive participant. Within the context of our poly-dynamic, active participation efforts are more emotional and intellectual. It's not like the S/m aspect where I actively submit to His sadistic delights. However, those more passive efforts are still critical for our relationship to be successful within His poly framework.
My promises and commitments to Him/us:
- Open straight-forward honesty with myself and with Him.
- Utmost respect. Without that foundation, poly just becomes synonymous with hot drama-filled mess. This isn't just for me/my role, but for all parties and relationships involved.
- Emotional, mental, physical support not just for our dynamic but for His primary as well.
- To gain a better understanding of poly-dynamics in general.
- To actively recognize and pro-actively address potential stumbling blocks.
That's a beginning. I'm sure I'll add. In the meantime, I do my best to avoid the bigger stumbling blocks. Of course, Sherpa being Sherpa asked how I did that and quickly coined my answers pillars. I guess that works. So My Four Pillars to Poly
- Intellectually see and recognize what stumbling blocks might be coming.
- Anticipate any emotional responses to stumbling block(s) that can't/won't be contained by logic. (Most of the time I can dodge the emotional hit if I know the stumbling block is on its way.)
- Identify plans to counter any emotions I can't circumvent.
- When shit gets messy...Breathe. Just fucking breathe. Breath some more.
Seriously, sometimes that's all we can do.
So...well...now I've got a whole lot of shit to explore now, don't I?
~DominaKat
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