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Showing posts with the label TES Fest 2022

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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TES Fest | an Ugly Confession & the Dawn of Rediscovery

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Series | TES Fest 2022 Essay #4 |  an Ugly Confession & the Delight of Rediscovery CONFESSION | Somewhere in the last 18+ months I lost all feelings of sexiness.  Actually it's worse than than that.  I no longer felt attractive, I couldn't quite recognize my own body movements, and I flat out didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.  It was almost as if I'd lost complete connection with my physical self. Just typing all those words is difficult.  I feel like I failed myself somehow even though when I look back I see so many personal triumphs.  I'd mentioned elements of the issue a few times to a handful of folks, but no one seemed to be able to relate, and it's only in writing this post and looking back that I can truly perceive the depth of the issue. There's no way to cover in a single post everything that transpired between the Fall of 2020 and March of 2022, but I believe many factors contributed to my lost physical connection. A 7-month hibernation d
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TES Fest 2022 | Vendors & My Groaning Wallet

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Series | TES Fest 2022 Essay #3 | Vendors & My Groaning Wallet FINALLY...a week later, I finish UNPACKING from TES Fest!  Unlike packing, this process allowed me to unwrap, touch, and/or play with all the goodies I brought home with me, so there were little bursts of joy to carry me through the week as I emptied one bag and then another.  ") I'd purchased a number of custom pieces over the last 2 1/2 years from folks like Whispers of Fire Fet | Website , Whips by Axel Fet | Website , Toolworks Chicago Fet | Website , and UniqueKink Fet | Website , so my S&M Toolbox was VERY well set.  Yes...Kinky Retail Therapy during the pandemic was a thing for me...don't judge. lol Knowing my toolbox was already too damn big to take with me any-fucking-where anymore, my Lifestyle spending for 2022 was going to focus more on gear.  After all, I AM doing the Con/Run thing now!  Gotta show up and represent, right???  I'd browsed the TES Fest Vendor websites, but meh...only
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TES Fest 2022 | Post-Con Status & Priorities

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It's been less than 36 hours since leaving TES Fest 2022. For every amazing person who has messaged me, friended me, commented on something I shared...please bare with me for the next 5-7 days... I was back to my 9 to 5 vanilla job Tuesday am, which leaves me with limited time. My mind is still a whirlwind of amazing shit I need to process and express. That blizzard of thought has left me below standard logic and brainwave wise, and I do not want to do you a disservice by being a fucking airhead! smh... more water...more veggies...more sleep. My body is still recovering. Even my fucking hands ache! SMH...I'm self-masochist-ing just by typing! More Advil...more sleep...more veggies. Aside from my own self-care, my post-con priorities are checking on those closest to me regarding con drop, anyone I Topped, anyone I've offered aftercare from their other scenes, as well as reassuring vanilla family who got a little worried that I was harder to reach than usual. lol I prom
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