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Showing posts from June, 2019

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Why I March Tomorrow

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Tomorrow millions in the world will celebrate, but tomorrow is not MY day.  I am white cis gender essentially straight woman.  So why am I planning to be in Manhattan and march in  NYC Pride Parade ? I will march because I wholeheartedly believe that love is love and should be celebrated and normalized. I will march so that my children and maybe their children can live whatever lives they choose on THEIR terms not the narrow minded terms of others. I will march for my friends and family who can't march or who won't march because they are rightfully too worried about consequences should their lifestyle be public.   I will march to support my family, my friends, and strangers who are stunningly beautiful and fiercely brave as their LGBTQ+ selves. I will march for sexual freedom, for alternative relationship styles, for kinky lifestyles.  I will march in solidarity with the broader NYC kink community and extended family that I am firmly a part of who will
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A Bit of Truth Spillage

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I needed the quiet tonight.  Just jazz and words to keep me company and help me spill my truth.  Too many thoughts have built up in my mind, jamming the flow of serenity.  Somehow Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah always nudges open my flood gates. Play... dozens of lessons.  Fascinating puzzle pieces. A warning not to play...am I truly so different?  Is it the demisexual-ness that dictates my disconnectedness?  Or a lifetime of learned compartmentalization?  Is my control a valued trait?  Or is my elusive nature what allows me to move so fluidly between dimensions. Service...have I been mistaken all along?  Have I finally found the safest, most rewarding form of servitude?  Maybe a Man will never again be blessed with what I can give.  If that's true...then what of the whore? Submissive vs slave...the choice versus an alignment of wills.  Yes...gold flecks reflect the sun's litmus test of truth.  A stone melds into my foundation. Sisterhood... Such unknown territory for
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The Blessing of Folsom

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Two years ago, I wandered into my first Folsom Street East with no idea what to expect.  I'd heard rave reviews of the street festival at some of my first few TES classes, so on a hot, humid, early summer day I found myself on a single closed off block in NYC surrounded by much phenomenal pride and an outstanding display of stunning drag queens, hunky gay men in next to nothing, and a more back hair than I ever wanted to see.  LOL  (Keeping it real real here folks!) I walked by vendors and organizations and food carts, young people and old, the dressed and nearly undressed, men, women, and gender fluid, leather and uniquely their own, and then took my very overheated (suffered heat exhaustion a few weeks before) ass home, grateful to have gone and to have felt the beautiful energy.  However, other than awareness I remained relatively unchanged by the event.  I had felt the joy and love around me, but being still new to the local kink scene and a straight, white, female...well m
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My Masochist's Dance with Pain

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On our first solo date, Pain took me dancing. A quiet airy space filled with sunshine and a spring breeze, far away from any spotlight or New York City crowds.   Just us. To dance.   Converse.   Whisper and shout.   To get to know one another. And share secrets only Pain can tease from a willing body. From His first touch to His last, He left me breathless.   In the beginning moments, I thought too much.  Not about what might be.  I was confident in our negotiations and our talented facilitator.   Silly thoughts... About what I might be expected to say.   About my semi-conservative appearance.   About my steps.   Would I know the steps?   Too objective thinking thoughts... His approach to warm up... The technique of the throw... Placement of... Then I gave in.   Pain left me no choice.   To the music.   To Pain's kaleidoscope of demands and nuances.   I lost track of the tools that tasted my near virgin flesh a
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Post Play Conversations with an Ass

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Conversation in an unknown masochist's NYC bedroom at 6:45 am sometime in the last week: Her: ~blinking awake~ oh. shit. Well...Good morning, ass. Ass: Bitch...what the fucking hell did you do to me? Her: ~smile~ just some quality play time for my masochist. Ass: Play time, you say? Play. Huh.  I see. Well then, bitch, today’s about to be an extended version of some mother fuckin play time cuz it feels like you dragged me over a super-sized cheese grater yesterday. Her:  ~giggle~ Ass:  Wait! Are you...laughin?!? Oh? You think this is funny.  Go ahead and roll over off you stomach then, bitch... Her: ~GROOOOOOAN~ Ass: ~GROOOOOOAN~ SEE!!!  I tried fuckin to warn you, Ms Fuckin Play Time.  Get ready...we about to have some QUALITY dialog today.  I have no doubt you gonna get tired of hearin my voice. Her:  Naaaa...well worth it!  ~kicks off covers~  Welllll wor... ~sits up~ FUCK ME! Ass:  Not gonna warn you anymore since you think this shit is fun. Text
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Where is Your Energy Source? | Sado-centric, Maso-centric, Partner-centric, Self-Centric

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A couple years ago I attended an absolutely great class, Masco-curious?  It was my third local kink event in the city, and it added MUCH to my personal thought arsenal on S&M.  This small, casual, humble class led by two very different masochists opened about a half dozen doorways for me and was instrumental in putting me on the path that has led to my today.  (I seriously can't thank them enough!)  Despite doing lifestyle shit and being on Fet for the previous seven years, my "education" had truly been limited, based primarily on whatever my partners during that time were comfortable with or various anecdotal writings rather than a study of the craft. ~~~ IMPORTANT SIDEBAR ~~~ Yes!  I said CRAFT!  What we do is a CRAFT, and in order to MASTER the CRAFT of S&M you need to study, study, practice, practice, and do more of both almost infinitely!  No...ya don't get good at this shit by buying equipment at the mainstream "spice up your sex life" store
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To Play with My Pain

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My Masochist v3.1 At last month's S&M Discussion Group, we discussed the varying goals of play.[https://fetlife.com/users/9560269/posts/5635688]. Common Goals for BOTH S- and M-types: Introduction/Exploratory | to introduce a new type of play/instrument Pleasure | to experience some form of pleasure (including sensual/erotic) Escape | to forget the world and concentrate only on the moment Service | to provide pleasure/service to others (emphasis is on the partner’s experience) Maintenance | to maintain balance, emotional/mental space, practice D/s Reinforcement | to reinforce D/s roles and dynamics Feed the Monster | to provide yourself opportunity to be yourself/let your monster play Catharsis | to release emotional/mental/physical negative energy Ordeal | to deliver/endure/conquer a trial Competitive/Primal | to combat as a fundamental part of play often in primal personas. Punishment/Discipline | to give/receive corrective action for a misdeed by the
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