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Showing posts from July, 2017

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Acceptance and My Pillars for Poly

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I'm a dumbass. No, really. I am at times. It's embarrassing as fuck. I'm a very intelligent, self-aware woman, so when I follow down an intellectual path and can't see the extremely obvious or suddenly become aware of the very obvious boulder marking my path, it's like "DUH!" ~sigh~ Clark, my sherpa, has a frightening and arcane ability to bring out these "Dings" moments, but this one he didn't initiate, surprisingly. No...I've just been leaning up against this big ass boulder for a while now, and a about a month ago I finally intellectually realized it was there. SMH. I am not polyamorous. Well known and established. I can't love more than one Man at a time. I lack the capacity to manage multiple intimate simultaneous relationships. For better or worse, I am genuinely emotionally, mentally, physically (with some D-directed caveats) monogamous. An Ownership M/s is a great fit for me. However, I am very able to navigat
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Just Fucking More

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I step forward. I no longer stand still and wait for the world to catch up with me. I don't look back trying to make yesterday something it wasn't. It was only what it was, and I learned my lessons well. While much of me remains consistent throughout time, I am more today than I was then, then, then, or then. So much fucking more. Stronger, faster, kinder, softer, tougher, bigger, bolder, happier, sweeter, sexier, more confident, more powerful, more beautiful. Just. Fucking. More.  And tomorrow...I'll be even more yet. I've been held back again and again for years by those that didn't want to make the most of what was in front of them. Fuck that. No more. Never again. I quit being less for fragile egos a while ago. Now for the first time in my life I'm being fed a fucking feast and given the opportunity and freedom to fly high and proud. I have full support and encouragement in front of me, intentionally asking "What do you want?" and not just playing
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At His Fingertips

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Damn, that Man completely fucking unravels me. I have stared at this blank screen for probably 45 minutes. Typed. Deleted. Typed again. Deleted again. I give up. Fuck it. I'm just going to own it, forgo any pretty eloquence, and be transparent to the messy dazed layer of me that hides beneath my calm mostly rational exterior even as I'm plopped on a NYC subway car bouncing my way downtown. My submission is at His fucking fingertips.  He left me senseless at least a dozen times last night. I'm not talking about from phenomenal mind-blowing sex. (Though I can't wait for some more that!) I'm not talking about relentless impact play that left me soaring to the moon. (Can't wait for more of that either!) No...last night we voluntarily skipped those amazing pieces of us to just stay tucked away in the corner of a quiet Midtown lounge and talk for nearly four hours.  Yes, that's right.  All we did was talk.  Yet still I felt His Dominance just as much as if he&#
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