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Showing posts with the label Masochism

The Edge of His Darkness

It’s 3am. I should be unconscious, earning another two or three face creases from sleeping soundly on His t-shirt, but in the shadows and silence and blessed fuckin stillness, I selfishly steal the time from my pile of obligations to travel back to our last night, our last morning, and just savor the memories.  Words, images, moments flicker through my mind.  Until I settle there.  That.  I hit replay and replay and replay. Fuck. What He did to me….   What I can’t even bring myself to fuckin type.  Even here. No one has dared.  Except Him.  Except Him.  Except Him. Looking back, I see clearly the presence I had felt.  It was there.  In the look carved on His face.  The edge of a Darkness that He holds tightly at bay had come to watch me.  Somehow... after so long... I had caught His interest again.   I met His gaze without fear, and His vicious response was absolute. There was no warning.   No preparing me to take what was to come.   He. Gave. Me. No. Choice.   And in the quiet deep o

At The Mercy of His Hands

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It’s been two fucking days, yet my cunt still weeps for Him as if His dripping fingers had only just stopped sinking into my hot, juicy, greedy, clenching hole.  Hasn't mattered where I have been or what I have been doing.  Work, writing, waiting too long for a damn bus that never arrived, nibbling at food, catching up with my Board, commuting through the city via my feet, trains, and cabs, I have just been...soaked for the last 48+ hours.   I was wet before my Uber had even crossed Whitestone from the Bronx in my cross-borough pilgrimage.  As the twinkle of Manhattan's skyline beckoned in the distance, my disorganized mind and unexpectedly chaotic nerves froze in recognition of that solitary truth my slick thighs spoke of.  My body was already reaching for Him—had already completely surrendered—despite the illogic, the lack of plans, the absence of sexy anticipatory promises.  My body knew something my mind didn't, a trend that has continued to intensify and shows no sign

Flesh Privileges

Sometimes a bitch just needs to be snatched up.  A slow harmless caress that gently eases into thought-shattering pain.  In a heartbeat nothing mattered in my world but where His hand touched me. No passersbys on their way home from their Manhattan commute. No dog walkers following their four-legged companions along crowded sidewalks. No city bike riders feet from His driver's side door. All that mattered was my surrender to Him and the pain that echoed throughout my body. I needed His touch and bruising acts of methodical violence more than I needed my next breath. My world simply felt better suffering under Him. My masochist woke from her slumber and wept in relief. My Lioness stirred for the first time in weeks, listening in case He called. My whore longed for Him to spread her legs and take everything and anything He wanted from her. My dress crept up my thighs even as slickness drenched them. My hands clenched and teeth dug into my bottom lip. I lost count of my quiet whimpers

Writer's Tears & a Bronx Fire Escape

2am.  Top space has me tightly in its fist.  Sisterhood bonded.  Energy shared.  Knowledge imparted.  Friendship built.  The truths we reveal sippin Writer's Tears in the cool breeze on a Bronx fire escape and over platefuls of piping hot empanadas leave us nowhere to hide. Leather Living explained...the sex...the pain.  A different level of it all.  Messy.  Hot and sweaty.  Piss.  Even shit.  Real.  Raw passion ripped from flesh and spirit without filter.  Tears licked.  We leatherfolk wallow in the grit and purity of our religion because there...we find our truest selves. The floor...fuck yes that mother fuckin floor.  Where there is no pride or ego.  Where we let go.  Where we are stripped bare of everything... Except our fucking surrender.  To the Universe.  To one another.  To ourselves.  To the One who in that moment holds our pain, our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our very fucking souls. The floor is where serenity and peace finally find us. Amazing fucking night.   ~Domin

DominaKat's Lifestyle Classes I What I Teach & Bio

Updated | 05.20.23 CLASS LIST The 12 Goals of S&M: Foundations for Scenecrafting | Class Write Up Fail Fast, Fail Often, Fail Forward: Normalizing (the Reality of) Failure as a Part of Growth in the Lifestyle | Class Write Up - Coming Soon! Note | Session can be tailored toward a focus of BDSM, Authority Transfer, or Leather Community if desired. The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics Intro - 90m or Intensive - 3hrs | Class Write Up Day Workshop - 6 hrs | Includes additional guided self-reflection, group discussions, & self-assessment workbook Know Your Service Boundaries: Lessons from the Trenches of a Service Whore (for BOTH sides of the /) | Class Write Up The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Series Session 1 | The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Journey for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather | Class Write Up Session 2 | Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Leather & Kink | Class Write Up Follow On/Up |

A Friend Date with a Sadist

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Post-pandemic, my masochist has been a shadow in the recesses of my soul.  Like other pieces of me, she has been turned off...disconnected...off-fuckin-line.  The most delightful aspects of my journey had been abandoned to the weight of social chaos, service commitments, and dearth of male Dominant energy.  But here I was eagerly getting in a truck with my favorite creative Sadist—where there would be no exit and little room to maneuver.  My anxiety started well before that first hug.  I had no idea how I would cope with or process any bits of his Sadism in my masochist's absence.  Knowing the pain would come at some point felt like standing on a high dive about to jump into an ice cold pool on a hot humid day.  You look down a little disoriented, wondering how the hell you got up there, dreading how much it's gonna suck but hoping like crazy it will refresh your mind, body, and spirit. It so sucked. lol He graciously gave me a few miles that we filled with non-stop chatter bef

Kink/BDSM/Leather Books & Resources

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Confessions of a Monster

The following piece was written for last night's ONYX Pearls NY-NE's February 2021 Event—Confessions of Love & Lust: Spoken Word & Cigar Social. My first public reading... ") Thank you to my Leather Sisters and Siblings for the chance to share my words and to everyone who attended as well as ALL the love and finger snaps for my piece!!! ~DominaKat Another long winter’s night has consumed the city, and the cold has seeped well into its pores. A glance out the window of my five story walkup proves again that the once never dormant streets of New York are abandoned. No souls dare the bitter walk or the lonely drive at this hour. With a sigh I roll over, and my nude flesh snuggles deeper into my warm nest of dark linen sheets and soft blankets. Only the strange unbroken silence of a pandemic-gripped world and haunting memories of long ago passion attempt to lull me to dreams. Despite exhaustion nagging my soul, sleep refuses to come. Maybe...if I confess...mayb

Kat 501 – What I Can Give | Updated

I am an insatiable Lover in your life. If You can pique my interests and challenge me. I could be the strong Woman by Your side. If You are a strong, beautiful Man and make the effort to see all I am. I could be Your sweet, wicked Domina on Your arm. If You are a Sir that deserves and respects a classy lady. I could the alfred of Your dreams. If You are a Superhero of Integrity and have Goals I can believe in. I would be Your vicious Warrior ever at Your back. If You prove worthy of my sincerest respect. I could be Your ever-hungry Masochist crumpled at Your feet. If Your greedy Sadist deliciously feasts on my pain and fucks my mind. I would be Your committed, monogamous Partner in life. If You are honest, careful, considerate, and love true. I could be your wild primal prey in your sights. If You are a Dark Beast who can shelve His ego and dance with my defiance. I would be Your nasty, fucking Whore in Your arms. If You stroke my hedonistic twisted desires and che

Conferences Make Me...

At about the 15 minute mark of the first session of the Flame Conference yesterday. I absentmindedly shifted in my chair as I sipped my DIY mocha with instant coffee and ready whip.  (Suffering is real!) I listened to the speaker, scanned the slides, scribbled copious notes in my purple book most of you have seen in my lap.  Then my subconscious started knocking at my conscious... Subconscious | ~knock knock~ Bitch, you paying attention??? Conscious | ~shifted in chair~   Huh ? ~sips chocolate, coffee, cream~ Subconscious | GURL!  Has it really been that long that you don't even know what's up? Conscious | What's up?  Where?  What?  Is there a fire?"  ~sniff~   Has the apocalypse started?  ~listens~ {pigeon sounds} Subconscious | ~groan!~ Conscious | Whaaaa...I'm in a conference session.  What is the issue?!?   ~shifts in chair~   Wait....oh shit! Subconscious | Yeeeeessss, bitch...yeeeesssssssss! Conscious | ~shifts in chair~   Huh... ~rubs thighs toge

Is Control the Bane of Pleasure and Authenticity?

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My First Serious Date with Pain

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Yep...I finally had that serious first date with Pain.   My ass felt like the sun !  In addition to the post play physical after effects, there were the dozens of mental ah-ha! moments.  Soooo many initial answers found and lessons learned.  Damn...I love what we do! As I mentioned in To Play with My Pain , I've always had an intermediary in most of my early meetings with Pain.  Maybe intermediary wasn't the right word...more like translator.  Being sado-centric/partner-centric , Pain spoke to me through the context of my relationship and my Partner's pleasure and satisfaction.  If it spoke directly to me, it was mostly introductions or incidental pleasantries. Although the last time I'd played with my previous Sir over a year ago, I would say that I'd definitely lost our translator for the majority of that session.  I hadn't felt connected with Him like I should have, and it showed...or more accurately was FELT.  LOL  That experience challenged my belief

My Masochist's Dance with Pain

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On our first solo date, Pain took me dancing. A quiet airy space filled with sunshine and a spring breeze, far away from any spotlight or New York City crowds.   Just us. To dance.   Converse.   Whisper and shout.   To get to know one another. And share secrets only Pain can tease from a willing body. From His first touch to His last, He left me breathless.   In the beginning moments, I thought too much.  Not about what might be.  I was confident in our negotiations and our talented facilitator.   Silly thoughts... About what I might be expected to say.   About my semi-conservative appearance.   About my steps.   Would I know the steps?   Too objective thinking thoughts... His approach to warm up... The technique of the throw... Placement of... Then I gave in.   Pain left me no choice.   To the music.   To Pain's kaleidoscope of demands and nuances.   I lost track of the tools that tasted my near virgin flesh a

Post Play Conversations with an Ass

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Conversation in an unknown masochist's NYC bedroom at 6:45 am sometime in the last week: Her: ~blinking awake~ oh. shit. Well...Good morning, ass. Ass: Bitch...what the fucking hell did you do to me? Her: ~smile~ just some quality play time for my masochist. Ass: Play time, you say? Play. Huh.  I see. Well then, bitch, today’s about to be an extended version of some mother fuckin play time cuz it feels like you dragged me over a super-sized cheese grater yesterday. Her:  ~giggle~ Ass:  Wait! Are you...laughin?!? Oh? You think this is funny.  Go ahead and roll over off you stomach then, bitch... Her: ~GROOOOOOAN~ Ass: ~GROOOOOOAN~ SEE!!!  I tried fuckin to warn you, Ms Fuckin Play Time.  Get ready...we about to have some QUALITY dialog today.  I have no doubt you gonna get tired of hearin my voice. Her:  Naaaa...well worth it!  ~kicks off covers~  Welllll wor... ~sits up~ FUCK ME! Ass:  Not gonna warn you anymore since you think this shit is fun. Text

Where is Your Energy Source? | Sado-centric, Maso-centric, Partner-centric, Self-Centric

A couple years ago I attended an absolutely great class, Masco-curious?  It was my third local kink event in the city, and it added MUCH to my personal thought arsenal on S&M.  This small, casual, humble class led by two very different masochists opened about a half dozen doorways for me and was instrumental in putting me on the path that has led to my today.  (I seriously can't thank them enough!)  Despite doing lifestyle shit and being on Fet for the previous seven years, my "education" had truly been limited, based primarily on whatever my partners during that time were comfortable with or various anecdotal writings rather than a study of the craft. ~~~ IMPORTANT SIDEBAR ~~~ Yes!  I said CRAFT!  What we do is a CRAFT, and in order to MASTER the CRAFT of S&M you need to study, study, practice, practice, and do more of both almost infinitely!  No...ya don't get good at this shit by buying equipment at the mainstream "spice up your sex life" store

To Play with My Pain

My Masochist v3.1 At last month's S&M Discussion Group, we discussed the varying goals of play.[https://fetlife.com/users/9560269/posts/5635688]. Common Goals for BOTH S- and M-types: Introduction/Exploratory | to introduce a new type of play/instrument Pleasure | to experience some form of pleasure (including sensual/erotic) Escape | to forget the world and concentrate only on the moment Service | to provide pleasure/service to others (emphasis is on the partner’s experience) Maintenance | to maintain balance, emotional/mental space, practice D/s Reinforcement | to reinforce D/s roles and dynamics Feed the Monster | to provide yourself opportunity to be yourself/let your monster play Catharsis | to release emotional/mental/physical negative energy Ordeal | to deliver/endure/conquer a trial Competitive/Primal | to combat as a fundamental part of play often in primal personas. Punishment/Discipline | to give/receive corrective action for a misdeed by the

My Masochist v3.0 - How to Explore

My masochist is one of the least explored out of all of my bottom-ish kinky personas.  Yeah, I've experienced pain but not through a smorgasbord of different types of implements, styles, or scenes.  Honestly, despite my near decade in the lifestyle, I could probably count the number of S&M scenes I've experienced on just a round or two of using my fingers and toes.  Don't get me wrong.  I've had some fucking amazing out-of-this-world scenes, but yeah, it's been one of the most frustratingly difficult aspects of my journey to progress and expand. The reins now lay fully in my hands. Obviously, I need to find viable, trustworthy play partners who will be comfortable with my experience level, interested in my goals, and able to accept my limitations.  Putting the play partner finding aside, I really do need to delve into MY goals and limitations.  You'd think after so long, I'd be able to rattle off my goals and limitations without even thinking.  Howe