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Showing posts with the label Leather Lifestyle

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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ONYX Pearls NY-NE | Rededication

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Yesterday, ONYX Pearls NY-NE celebrated our 7th Anniversary, and I recognized four years since crossing into Leather.  It was a beautiful afternoon of celebrating our kaleidoscope of personalities and the connections we have forged through joy, laughter, tears, fire, personal growth, and leather during our journey.   As a key part of our ceremony, we collectively rededicated ourselves to The Chapter by retaking our oath and were asked to share of few thoughts about our individual experiences and most importantly our Why.  The below reflects the words I shared yesterday with my sisters and siblings.   However, I would be remiss in this more personal reflection if I did not call out two Sisters who have quite frankly altered the course of my life.  From the moment I met each of these amazing women, I was drawn to them.  Their energy instinctually spoke to me, and we have since woven bonds of Sisterhood that reach deep into my body, mind, heart and soul.  They have each embraced me, taugh
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Reflection & a New Path

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SPLF 23 represented a abrupt shift in my journey.  I wasn't prepared to be seen, to be acknowledged in the sea of humanity, to be wrapped in tight hugs. let alone be fiercely protected and held firmly side-by-side.  I was both deeply humbled and profoundly honored.  Many times. Those five days in Dallas moved me and pushed me on another new path of transformation. After years of pandemic coping that focused only on areas in my life I could evolve, I remembered I had a heart. And...After years of watching how individuals moved/did not move, stood/did not stand, built/attempted to destroy, were 100% authentic/fakers of funk, driven by idealistic goals/greedy self-promotion, I realized I needed fucking space to breathe. Since the Spring, I've been reevaluating how I move, what I give, when I should engage, where I need to be, and who I directly or indirectly offer my co-signature.  I've taken many healthy steps to create a more positive environment for myself and connected in
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Spontaneous Serendipity

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My Saturday did NOT go as I expected at ALL.  A whole lot of never ever coulda been planned spontaneous serendipity manifested that resulted in even MORE of DominaKat’s rules of order being broken and breaking open of multiple shoeboxes.   Fuck me...How the hell are these disorderly events becoming a THING?!?   ~whimper~  It was messy and beautiful and stomach lurching and thrilling and ended in a rituals of reverence that stole my breath away once again. The Universe is definitely demonstrating Her power and yes...some twisted Sadism. lol  As I watched Her simultaneously converge, in literally minutes and from multiple directions, various key stars in my sky, my vision may have swam.  I wasn’t fuckin prepared for any of it, which is also starting to feel like another damn theme in my life of late , but I trusted, gave in, and surrendered again to Her will.  What was meant to be was gonna be, regardless of my comfortability.  She has taken a very firm hand with me the last couple of mo
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Writer's Tears & a Bronx Fire Escape

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2am.  Top space has me tightly in its fist.  Sisterhood bonded.  Energy shared.  Knowledge imparted.  Friendship built.  The truths we reveal sippin Writer's Tears in the cool breeze on a Bronx fire escape and over platefuls of piping hot empanadas leave us nowhere to hide. Leather Living explained...the sex...the pain.  A different level of it all.  Messy.  Hot and sweaty.  Piss.  Even shit.  Real.  Raw passion ripped from flesh and spirit without filter.  Tears licked.  We leatherfolk wallow in the grit and purity of our religion because there...we find our truest selves. The floor...fuck yes that mother fuckin floor.  Where there is no pride or ego.  Where we let go.  Where we are stripped bare of everything... Except our fucking surrender.  To the Universe.  To one another.  To ourselves.  To the One who in that moment holds our pain, our minds, our hearts, our bodies, our very fucking souls. The floor is where serenity and peace finally find us. Amazing fucking night.   ~Domin
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DominaKat's Lifestyle Classes I What I Teach & Bio

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Updated | 05.20.23 CLASS LIST The 12 Goals of S&M: Foundations for Scenecrafting | Class Write Up Fail Fast, Fail Often, Fail Forward: Normalizing (the Reality of) Failure as a Part of Growth in the Lifestyle | Class Write Up - Coming Soon! Note | Session can be tailored toward a focus of BDSM, Authority Transfer, or Leather Community if desired. The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics Intro - 90m or Intensive - 3hrs | Class Write Up Day Workshop - 6 hrs | Includes additional guided self-reflection, group discussions, & self-assessment workbook Know Your Service Boundaries: Lessons from the Trenches of a Service Whore (for BOTH sides of the /) | Class Write Up The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Series Session 1 | The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Journey for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather | Class Write Up Session 2 | Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Leather & Kink | Class Write Up Follow On/Up |
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An Update | Resignation from LSC

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If I've learned anything the last year, it's how some folks will choose to run their mouth without a lick of common sense or truth, so I prefer to embrace as much transparency as appropriate in an effort to minimize any self-service spin/narrative others may attempt.  However, I do recognize that they're gonna talk shit regardless.  LOL I had hoped Spring would simply allow me the opportunity to decrease my hours in service to the community a bit, but unfortunately matters have taken a different turn.  Despite my FIERCE belief in the mission and efforts of The Leather Solidarity Collective (LSC) and the incredible success LSC had at our historic collaboration with South Plains LeatherFest, it is with profound sadness that I discontinued my service and resigned yesterday (04.07.23) from LSC due to a conflict of interest not of my making. This has been a difficult and painful decision.  Loyalty, commitment, and advocating for the BIPOC Community are a few of my core values an
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CLASS WRITE UP | Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Leather & Kink

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Title  |  Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Kink & Leather Format  | Lecture-Based Presentation with Slide Deck Duration  | 90-120m (w/Q&A) Target Audience  | Beginner-Intermediate-Advanced  Individuals in the Lifestyle Event Organizers  Conference Committees  Non-Profit/Organizational Boards Whether you are passionate about Social Justice and Equity for the BIPOC Community, Women's Rights, LGBTQA++ Rights, Transgender Rights, Mental Health, Neurodiversity, Learning Disabilities, Physical Disabilities, Body Positivity, Ageism to name a few...this class is for YOU. Description  | While some steps toward progress have been made in pockets of the community, the unfortunate reality is that few move beyond a blanket invitation to everyone with the claim to be "safe".  Being an Ally, Advocate, or Warrior is MUCH more than being intolerant of ~isms and ~phobias or inviting new speakers with a diverse identity to teach or posting a &
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CLASS WRITE UP | The Journey from Ally to Advocate to Warrior for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather

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Title  |  The Journey from Ally to Advocate to Warrior for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather Format  | Lecture-Based Presentation with Slide Deck Duration  | 90-120m (w/Q&A) Target Audience  | Beginner-Intermediate-Advanced  Individuals in the Lifestyle Event Organizers  Conference Committees  Non-Profit/Organizational Boards Whether you are passionate about Social Justice and Equity for the BIPOC Community, Women's Rights, LGBTQA++ Rights, Transgender Rights, Mental Health, Neurodiversity, Learning Disabilities, Physical Disabilities, Body Positivity, Ageism to name a few...this class is for YOU. Description  | Ask a member of any Marginalized Community to name an Ally—either an individual or organization—within The Lifestyle, and their likely answer will simply be a blank stare.  The sad truth is that most who consider themselves Allies do not understand (nor been taught) the fundamentals of The Journey to Allyship, let alone the path to Advocacy or the steps
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Kink/BDSM/Leather Books & Resources

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My Dizzying Return to the In-Person Magic of Leather & Kink

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Today, under an absolutely beautiful breezy blue sky, was my first foray back to in-person Leather and Kink since COVID slammed NYC into a bleak lockdown of rampant illness and death.  Yeah...my return has been slow as fuck.  Sorry not sorry...I lost all faith the last 2+ years that humanity held a basic foundation of common fucking sense.  Humans are humans and they'll do what they want not necessarily what they should.  However, the world is different now, the numbers are down, and the heat index was low, so I'm easing my way back into the flow of humanity on my terms.   As I laid in my bed this morning contemplating those terms and my day, a gradual dawning of RE-awareness crept over me...all the fucking things that go into going to a community event.  SMH.  Fuck...I'd forgotten!  The clothes.  The leather.  The implements.  The EFFORT!  But at the last minute I pulled my shit together and stepped out without embarrassing myself or my Chapter.   On my Uber drive with a s
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Lit Fires & Those Who Feed the Flames

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It's launched.  After two long years, The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics !  This concept came over me in the Spring of 2020 in the middle of the initial NYC COVID outbreak and REFUSED to slip into the lost files of my mind.  When I previewed my very rough ugly concept outline a few weeks later to each of my personal Board of Directors, my first questions were "Who's already put this idea together?  Who's already written this book?"  All of them laughed and said, "No one.  I've never seen Service put out there like this.  I guess you need to be the one."  My fate was sealed.   The concept persisted even when I was overwhelmed with grief at the deep loss of my close friend and Member of my Board of Directors, through the brutal workload that was UPRISE! 2021, while handling needs of my closest family, and as I did my best to dodge the numerous COVID surges that plague our communities.  However, for much of the la
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The Climb to the Next Step

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Anyone who knows me or has been in a class/discussion/panel/meeting with me knows I have something to say about 85% of the time.  I don't speak from ego or for attention.  I'm an idealist, so the ideas and discussion are my focus and where I find my passion.  Seriously...I can get wet from conference sessions .  ~eye roll~  I'm weird.  I know.  My point is...the learning, discussing, knowledge sharing is my zen! While I try not to speak unless my comments, thoughts, or ideas have relevance to the discussion, the value of my words is always subjective to the listener, and since my attention is trained on the presentation or discussion at hand, I'm usually oblivious to whether my words resonate to people.  This is pretty much the case with my writings as well.  I don't write for an audience.  I write to unpack, sort through, and assemble the puzzle pieces in my mind.   Over time as I've attended community events and even created and/or hosted my own events, I star
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Head-Heart-Soul Shift

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Not in a good headspace. Too much. Too little. The negative has seeped in and is starting to drag me under. No one can shift it but me. Time for some gratitude and change in perspective. I am so very grateful for… My health. My family. My lil leather & kink tribe. My Board of Directors who advise me from their thoughtful outside perspective on all things vanilla and Lifestyle. The opportunities of service I’ve had in the last two years with ONYX Pearls NY-NE and with Leather Solidarity Collective. The vast myriad of discussions I’ve had in my own Lifestyle groups as well as other organizations. The treasure trove of books by Lifestyle Authors with their wealth of knowledge and ideas. The amazing, kind, brilliant people I work with M-F. The profoundly beautiful and life altering experiences I’ve had in meditation the last 8 months. My occasional ability to help those in need. The opportunities I have to share my lil bits of wisdom I sometimes manifest. The phenomenal resilience of N
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Silver Linings

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Despite my struggles to find my footing in this start of a new normal, I hold tremendous gratitude in my heart and being for the many, many silver linings I found in the Cat 5 Hurricane that was the pandemic. My parents and adult kids have remained safe and long-term healthy to date.   I stayed safe, mostly sane, and relatively healthy aside from a few stress-induced pounds and lack of exercise. Employment...so incredibly grateful that I was immediately able to shift to remote work. Zoom...though like most...I am sick of fuckin zoom! LOL  However, I am eternally grateful for this platform's massive contribution to society during the gravest of times.   Being able to see family and my dearest friends on the regular kept me grounded and productive. My core friendships deepened exponentially.  Without the distraction of long commutes, wait staff and food, a secondary aspect of entertainment whether it was a class, a movie, shopping, an exhibit, a jazz performance...we had time and foc
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A Flat Football & Adrift in a Sea of Bandaids

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After so many of the things, I've spent September settling back in and restarting my world.  Yet as I review various options for Lifestyle classes, events, reconnecting, somehow everything feels bland and uninspiring.  My heart and soul feel utterly disconnected from the Lifestyle.  I am...adrift. I've been blessed in many ways the last nearly two years.  I didn't have it as hard as so many.  I'm not depressed.  I wake up refreshed.  I'm productive.  My emotions are in check.  Minimal anxiety as I've slowly over time re-acclimated to being out in the world with people.  In fact, I can list many personal silver linings that I've found despite this seemingly unending Cat 5 Hurricane of a Pandemic. So I ask myself what the fuck?  One of my biggest passions now feels empty and stale and no longer magical. ~sigh~  To use an analogy...the game ball is flat, so I can barely find the motivation to go to the field to practice or play.  Who wants to toss a football wh
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What to Do with Our Kinky Selves BESIDES Masturbate???

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Holy shit! The calendar is clear, the fridge is stocked with a whole lot of crap you don't really want to cook, there's a stack of toilet paper in the linen closet, and binge watching NetFlix is starting to get on your nerves.  WTF do we DO with our Kinky Selves???  Do you masturbate AGAIN?!?  ~sigh~ Damn...no buzz.  If you have a few minutes to kill while your favorite device builds a charge... Listen to some kinky podcasts like: KinkyCast or Off the Cuffs or Touch of Flavor Discover some new music!  Might I suggest checking out... Jazz | Charles Mingus (personal fav - "Moanin'", Thelonious Monk (fav - "Don't Blame Me", or if you need something modern...Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah  African Beats | Thutmose - Ride with Me or WuWu,  Ajebutter22 - Ghana Bounce or Yawa,  Joey B - La Familia or No Waste Time Checkout some lifestyle-related videos (No...I don't mean porn!) Leather Leadership Conference | Classes, Panels, Keynotes from pre
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My Failure to Embrace Basic M/s Tradition | The Rebellious Non-Petitioning slave/property

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The Tradition that a slave/property/s-type should/must formally petition any potential Master to be His slave is like a shard of glass in my Leather boot. No matter how many ways I look at it...the concept rips to shreds the fundamental foundation of imbalance that M/s dynamics demand. There...I've said it.  Written it.  In fucking bold font, thank you very much.  I've held back making public my very non-traditional view for over three years.  I had hoped in vain that at some point I would read, hear, SEE the wisdom and logic behind an s-initiated approach to beginning an M/s relationship.  Despite numerous books, classes, and discussions, I've yet to find an answer.  In fact the more I learn, the firmer my rejection of the "s-types should petition to serve" Tradition becomes. My issue boils down to one very clear point.  If the slave/property-type is the one who has to research an M-type to discover if there might be a good fit and then petition the M wit
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2020 Reading List v1

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A lioness' hunger takes many forms.  Her mind needs to be fed often, well, and deeply.  A sated intellect is key to her tranquility and satisfaction.  ( Also s ee Bitch, Can You Just Get in a Damn Box?!? ) Suggestions/recommendations always appreciated.  Of course NYC's D/s Book Club will no doubt help feed my Lioness. ~DominaKat ~~~Finish the Following~~~ Master/slave Mastery - Update Handbook of Concepts, Approaches, and Practices by Robert J. Rubel Ph. D. Sacred Power: Holy Surrender Edited by Raven Kaldera Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers  by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin M.S. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy ~~~New~~~ Real Service by Raven Kaldara & Joshua Tenpenny Warrior Goddess Training by Heatherash Amara The New Bottoming Book  by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison Tears We Cannot Stop  by Michael Eric Dyson Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vo
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In Deep Gratitude | It Takes a Village/Community

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Yesterday, I officially became an ONYX Pearl Associate of the New York/Northeast Chapter.  Cross over marked the culmination of much growth and hard work the last six months, and a multitude of thoughts swamp my mind as I consider this unanticipated milestone in my ten year journey.  However, before I begin to unravel all tangled thoughts, I first need to give much, much, MUCH thanks to the MANY who assisted me in my steps to being an ONYX Pearl.  Without their support, encouragement, friendship, and love I would not have found my way on this path into Sisterhood nearly as well. My previous Sir |  While our time together was not nearly as long as either one of us had wanted, He taught me much.  One of the most important lessons He demonstrated again and again throughout our relationship was the importance of community.  His personal commitments and dedication to His Ghanaian Community as well as His Lodge offered me a glimpse at the personal fulfillment such relationships can bring.
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