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Showing posts with the label my lioness

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Primal Surrender

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02.13.24 My last post was an attempt to release the frantic need for Him clawing through my mind and soul.  It didn't help much.  I had to drown myself in the intellectual distractions of startup plans instead while I tried in vain to ignore my lioness as she continued to batter against the cage of her reality: vanilla work, doctor's post-dental surgery instructions, a damn Nor'easter.  Finally last night, exhausted, she tucked her tail, curled into a ball, and fell silent and still.   There was no more fight left in her.   There isn't any today either. Again... I don't want to talk to anyone. Hear anyone. See anyone. Touch anyone. My lioness just wants to hide away in her cave.  She doesn't give a fuck about being responsible or being social or the fucking world.   Only He can soothe her and rouse her from her retreat and sleep.  Though tonight she would be hard pressed to summon any of the energy from her last post.  However, there will be no soothing due to r
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Unreasonable State of Mind

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My lioness grew restless this evening. Within a couple of hours her agitation only amplified.  I tried to acknowledge her wants, but I simply became more aware of her discomfort. I tried a little talk therapy.  That wasn't enough either. I tried to find peace in sleep, but a nightmare only chased me down like a relentless dog.  When I finally woke, I understood what I had to do. I've learned when the energy shifts, however it shifts, I must trust it, flow with it. Let it lead me—physically, mentally, emotionally—wherever I am meant to go, so I may know or experience whatever deeper truth I am meant to find. To fight its current only makes shit harder and wastes time. I must surrender to its demand. Acknowledging her state wasn't enough. I needed to own her truth. This...is me owning my truth. This...is my surrender. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's been less than 18 hours since I was last in His arms, against His heat, the taste of His flesh on my tongue, the sound
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Lioness Shit | Post #2

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She really REALLY don’t give a fuck about anything but now.  Fuck yesterday.  Fuck tomorrow.  What are we doing NOW?  She's usually not impressed with my ass unless I'm with Him. She doesn't give a fuck about words either.  Written or spoken—blah... blah... blah fuckity blah.  Actions, scents, tastes, sounds, textures, touch, feelings, energy...that's the shit that registers.   She’s dismissive of most of humanity, and the exact opposite when it comes to Him.  Everything to do with Him captivates her. She holds respect for a chosen few whose energy, experience, and actions meet her standards.  Most of the world falls in the category of prey that she has no appetite to conquer.  Meh.   I cannot reason with her.  At ALL.  I can only cage her and wait her out.   Be Warned | She’ll rise pissed the fuck off when fun pain turns on a dime to seriously sucky pain.  I cannot be held responsible next time.   Her softness and affection are different compared to how the other parts
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Lioness Shit | Post #1

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Occasionally I can escape and set her free. ~sigh~ Earth under my feet. Trees whisper to the world. Plants reach for their destiny. Sun kisses. Sky calls and clouds stretch. Fresh air fuels. Waves lick at my feet. An ocean breeze in my hair. Sand slips between my toes. A storm thunders through my bones. The rain cleanses. Lightning unleashes its violence. The night holds court. The stars dance. And the moon... Embraces my soul. ~purrrrr~ All soothe her deeply. There… My senses are fed on the richness, depth, and balance of nature. There… I find healing and pure joy in the silence of being. There… I don’t need to pretend I’m civilized. There… My soul rests in the simplicity and spiritual of the untamed. ~DominaKat
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The Primal Bitch None of You Warned Me About

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*** Drafted 11.21.23 *** Fuuuuuuuck...why didn't ANY of you warn me? Like...REALLY??? How many times have we sat together through classes, discussions, panels, round tables?  Yet NOT ONE of you mother fuckers said a damn thing about how this shit really might go down. Grrrrrrr... You ALL suck and officially can no longer be trusted.   She's been a part of me for so long.  She's guided me.  She's empowered me.  She's protected me. I thought I understood her. I thought I knew her. I thought I could anticipate her. But...this??? Fuuuuck…This is new fuckin territory, one I don't have a damn clue how to navigate, and if I'm honest, a part of me DOESN'T want to navigate it.  I just want to lose myself again and again to it.  To her.  To Him.   ~GROAN~ She just slips in and... Takes. Fucking. OVER! Again...you fuckers NEVER discussed THIS shit. That I wouldn't be...COULDN'T be... Rational. Reasonable. Thoughtful. Considerate. IN FUCKIN CONTROL. ~sigh
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To Own Me | An Answer to My Critics

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I'm too independent... I'm too intense... I'm too deep... To be on the right side of the slash? No problem.  Because I'm not – nor will I ever be – your fucking problem. I fully acknowledge that I am all the things my many critics have accused me of, and I apologize for none of it.  I can be nothing but my authentic self, and I refuse to restrain myself or be less, so others can be more comfortable with who I am or how I identify.  Fuck you for thinking I should.   I am a V12. The Man who chooses to Own me will be able to...        Race the shadows of the night.      Hug the curves life throws us like we're on rails.      Rocket us in any the direction He seeks. I am a Lioness. The Man who dares to Own me will have...      A fierce protector at His side.      An apex predator to hunt the world with Him.      A primal beast under Him to sate His wickedest desires.      A loyal companion to curl contentedly at His feet. I am a Force of Nature. The Man who takes Contro
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Adventures in Online Dating | Post #1: The Art of Peopling

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After spending years (pandemic) getting seriously reacquainted with my Introvert and enabling my Service Whore to over-extend herself beyond fucking reason, I'm trying to reconnect to the mysterious art of peopling.   I had no choice but to face up to the reality that my peopling skills are rusty as fuck when at SPLF I was stunned into confused silence from a basic personal question during a first in-person intro.  If they had asked about any number of service projects or classes, I could have easily rattled off dialog.  But a simple, polite "You fascinate me.  Tell me about yourself," slammed my thought processes from Fourth into Reverse, grinding gears and causing significant damage to my mental transmission.  Later reflection...I need to practice more personal engagements. It's time to transition fully outta Pandemic Mode and feed other pieces of me besides my Introvert and Service Whore.  Note:  Introvert resents and rebels against this effort with almost every st
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3am Seeking Surrender

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It's 3:00am on a warm Spring night in NYC.  The city and its inhabitants have dozed off, gaining strength for tomorrow's usual urban push and shove.  I should be asleep.  I wish I was asleep, but for the first time in a long time, the need to surrender dogs my soul.  It's fucking ironic that the toughest moments of being unowned always seem to be after I've been in Top Space.  How fucking cliche and stereotypical is that?  ~augh~ Anyone who knows me understands those are two adjective rarely applicable to me, but it is what it is. No, I didn't beat anyone's ass, but tonight I test drove another class. the one I was most unsure of concept wise—The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics.   It was a LOT of fucking content, but the concept seems to have resonated well with the handful of seasoned M/s veterans I tested my theory with tonight.   The Top Space energy combined with the vibe of success has left me humming.  I've meditated. 
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The Comet of Lamar & Me

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The post triggered a shock of sadness and flood of beautiful fond memories.  Maybe I should have shrugged off the news.  It had all been so long ago, but the long-buried visions continued to chase me.  I soon gave up any semblance of trying to be in the present and sank into the need to rewind my mental photo album and the book of my life to lose myself in days past but never forgotten. We first crossed paths during a mutual friend's misadventures on a night much like tonight.  The frantic specks of snow danced in front of the car's headlights as the cold quickly seeped into our bones.  We were bundled up and stuffed into my little two-door Capri to spend miles searching in vain for the friend's somewhat stolen car.  He and I turned out to be the calm, strategic ones in the midst of minor chaos.  Nothing is sexier than a man in control of himself, handling a situation.  I was intrigued and so was my pussy.  We were young.  I was back in my hometown looking for direction aft
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Confessions of a Monster

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The following piece was written for last night's ONYX Pearls NY-NE's February 2021 Event—Confessions of Love & Lust: Spoken Word & Cigar Social. My first public reading... ") Thank you to my Leather Sisters and Siblings for the chance to share my words and to everyone who attended as well as ALL the love and finger snaps for my piece!!! ~DominaKat Another long winter’s night has consumed the city, and the cold has seeped well into its pores. A glance out the window of my five story walkup proves again that the once never dormant streets of New York are abandoned. No souls dare the bitter walk or the lonely drive at this hour. With a sigh I roll over, and my nude flesh snuggles deeper into my warm nest of dark linen sheets and soft blankets. Only the strange unbroken silence of a pandemic-gripped world and haunting memories of long ago passion attempt to lull me to dreams. Despite exhaustion nagging my soul, sleep refuses to come. Maybe...if I confess...mayb
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A Lioness at the Mouth of Her Liar

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It's been rare that I write from the soul anymore.   Most of 2019, I was flat out too busy.  Hell...I've never been that "socially" busy in my life, and I didn't even have a relationship to service!  LOL Friends.  Work.  Family.  Pledging.  My co-hosted Lifestyle discussion groups—S&M.NYC and NYC slave Meetings.  The Community in general.  I'd spend 12+ hours in Manhattan, coming home to my Borough exhausted yet satisfied I'd made the most of my day and the opportunities in front of me. Then 2020...fuck what a damn mess.  I saw it coming earlier than others, and I started to prepare practically as well as mentally and emotionally.  Yet, the reality of it was nothing I'd imagined.  The endless scream of the sirens until finally...blessedly...someone official must have told them to cut the sound.  No cars, no bikes, no people dared our once energy-pulsing streets.  The coo of pigeons and tentative tweets of birds I don't know the name of filtered
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Kat 501 – What I Can Give | Updated

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I am an insatiable Lover in your life. If You can pique my interests and challenge me. I could be the strong Woman by Your side. If You are a strong, beautiful Man and make the effort to see all I am. I could be Your sweet, wicked Domina on Your arm. If You are a Sir that deserves and respects a classy lady. I could the alfred of Your dreams. If You are a Superhero of Integrity and have Goals I can believe in. I would be Your vicious Warrior ever at Your back. If You prove worthy of my sincerest respect. I could be Your ever-hungry Masochist crumpled at Your feet. If Your greedy Sadist deliciously feasts on my pain and fucks my mind. I would be Your committed, monogamous Partner in life. If You are honest, careful, considerate, and love true. I could be your wild primal prey in your sights. If You are a Dark Beast who can shelve His ego and dance with my defiance. I would be Your nasty, fucking Whore in Your arms. If You stroke my hedonistic twisted desires and che
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My Needs in a TPE

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My blog posts are a bit daunting to sift through, so I pulled together a short list in case the question what I'm looking for in regards to M/s ever needs a serious response. Yes, the definition of "needs versus wants" is always a thing.  My subjective criteria: If x was NOT a foundational aspect of my relationship, would it significantly impact my surrender and ability to serve?  So...if I was to have a strong 24/7 Authority-Based Relationship that encompassed most aspects of my life... My Relationship Needs in an Ideal TPE Situations To grow, learn, evolve...to positively impact me and my journey True to me | a lioness not a pirouetting renaissance fair chic or a helpless clueless lamb (I can not be less, so he can fake like he's more.) [ This Woman's Submission... ] A competent/compatible partner* I can connect with and believe in | an ability to align wills [ My Reverse Matryoshka Doll... ] To belong/be claimed/be wanted | a functional Owner/property
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My Inherent Search for Power Exchange

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I'm not going to bullshit.  The desire right now to be well and truly Owned by an M-type who is stronger, smarter, more capable than me is visceral. Don't get me wrong.  It isn't overwhelming or crippling.  I continue to stand fucking STRONG in the face of this tsunami that has flooded NYC.  I am blessedly still working, and as soon as my day is done I start the work/effort of supporting the community I love so much however I can. Of course throughout the day I also handle a myriad of tasks.  I stay informed as much as I can on the status of all the things by catching Cuomo's press conference, scrolling the news feeds, and reading the emergency notifications.  I dash out every few days for a super quick trip to the store to replenish essentials and to stretch my legs so used to eating up two miles of the concrete jungle a day.  Most of all, I virtually connect with friends and family in an endless warm loop of love, concern, compassion, and support.  I eat.  I exe
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2020 Reading List v1

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A lioness' hunger takes many forms.  Her mind needs to be fed often, well, and deeply.  A sated intellect is key to her tranquility and satisfaction.  ( Also s ee Bitch, Can You Just Get in a Damn Box?!? ) Suggestions/recommendations always appreciated.  Of course NYC's D/s Book Club will no doubt help feed my Lioness. ~DominaKat ~~~Finish the Following~~~ Master/slave Mastery - Update Handbook of Concepts, Approaches, and Practices by Robert J. Rubel Ph. D. Sacred Power: Holy Surrender Edited by Raven Kaldera Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers  by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin M.S. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy ~~~New~~~ Real Service by Raven Kaldara & Joshua Tenpenny Warrior Goddess Training by Heatherash Amara The New Bottoming Book  by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison Tears We Cannot Stop  by Michael Eric Dyson Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vo
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a Return

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so it Begins. a Return of the Sun. a Renewal. after reflection and growth. Surrounded by my Pride and Tribe. in Acceptance. in Gratitude. wounds long scarred. Healed as the Universe intended. a Reemergence. of Spirit. of Soul. my Lioness shakes her slumber. I stand fully in My Truth. to Discover. All I could and will Be. a Rebirth. of Warmth.  of Heat.  of Fire.  and Passion.  the Flames I fan will burn bright. their Dance will feed my Soul. an Awakening. the Return of the Sun. so it has Begun. ~DominaKat
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The Stillness of a Lioness

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{sigh} I've finally lifted my head above the water and caught my breath.  After months of swimming with chaotic tides and focusing so tightly on the tasks I had in front of me, I finally have the bandwidth to see, feel, be. I am restless tonight. I ache to quench a thirst I can not name even as I lack the desire to drink. Logic and knowledge nag me of a dozen things I am long overdue to have in my life.  Love.  Passion.  Desire.  Touch.  Sex.  Pain.  Dominance.  Submission.  Orgasms.  Intimacy.  Service.  Surrender.  Yet my Lioness remains unstirred for any of it.  Not even a whisker twitch of curiosity disturbs her stillness. Maybe I've trained myself too well.  Do not want what you can not have.  Let go of the ache, so that it won't dictate my direction.  Lessons force fed from the cruelest of fates again and again. I know...I'm still working on slowing down after such a long, brutal pace.  There is an impatient viciousness to cut off anything that does not
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Calm the Lioness

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I didn't kink last night.  Despite two of my favorite presenters and a topic I'm still curious to explore, I looked at the NYC skyline, the cramped streets, and the endless rain, and I chose the uptown track to carry my home. I didn't kink tonight.  Too leary of wacky icky energy of strange ones, couples with their own focused agenda, and Times Square on a hot sticky night, I avoided another preferred event.  I just didn't have it in me to sift through chaos to find positive crumbs, so I met a friend and talked 1:1 kink for two hours. My choices weren't born of a need to preserve my strength.  I'm almost vibrating with the need to move, an echo of my pacing lioness. My choices were about a need to shield myself from unnecessary aggravation, and if you've never hit Times Square between 5 and 6 pm or spent a rainy evening on New York City streets, at best it can be one hassle after another as everyone fights to avoid the misery of a wet, humid, icky rush
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When a Sleeping Lioness is Poked

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It's been an odd few weeks...outing myself to a distance acquaintance against my better judgement, my slave self making a spontaneous appearance in an unhealthy situation, a heartbreaking confession, a confrontation with a bully who escalated dumb shit to put his hands on me and ended up on the floor for it, a non-consenting witness to group therapy.  I've racked up a fair share of negative encounters in a short amount of time.  None of them earth shattering or world-changing by any means.  I'm just not at my best.  All of it has left my energy in a funk that I'm not sure how to dissipate. My Lioness is wide awake after having been in a coma for much of the last year, and it wasn't passion and sexiness that woke her.  She definitely rolled off the wrong side of the bed from all the pokes and prods.  She's not angry, but she is annoyed and watchful.  Her claws are unsheathed.  She paces. I know I am well equipped to handle almost anything that comes my way.  
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To Play with My Pain

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My Masochist v3.1 At last month's S&M Discussion Group, we discussed the varying goals of play.[https://fetlife.com/users/9560269/posts/5635688]. Common Goals for BOTH S- and M-types: Introduction/Exploratory | to introduce a new type of play/instrument Pleasure | to experience some form of pleasure (including sensual/erotic) Escape | to forget the world and concentrate only on the moment Service | to provide pleasure/service to others (emphasis is on the partner’s experience) Maintenance | to maintain balance, emotional/mental space, practice D/s Reinforcement | to reinforce D/s roles and dynamics Feed the Monster | to provide yourself opportunity to be yourself/let your monster play Catharsis | to release emotional/mental/physical negative energy Ordeal | to deliver/endure/conquer a trial Competitive/Primal | to combat as a fundamental part of play often in primal personas. Punishment/Discipline | to give/receive corrective action for a misdeed by the
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