Posts

Showing posts with the label Primal

In Tatters

-
I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
Post a Comment
Read more

The Edge of His Darkness

-
It’s 3am. I should be unconscious, earning another two or three face creases from sleeping soundly on His t-shirt, but in the shadows and silence and blessed fuckin stillness, I selfishly steal the time from my pile of obligations to travel back to our last night, our last morning, and just savor the memories.  Words, images, moments flicker through my mind.  Until I settle there.  That.  I hit replay and replay and replay. Fuck. What He did to me….   What I can’t even bring myself to fuckin type.  Even here. No one has dared.  Except Him.  Except Him.  Except Him. Looking back, I see clearly the presence I had felt.  It was there.  In the look carved on His face.  The edge of a Darkness that He holds tightly at bay had come to watch me.  Somehow... after so long... I had caught His interest again.   I met His gaze without fear, and His vicious response was absolute. There was no warning.   No preparing me to take what was to come.   He. Gave. Me. No. Choice.   And in the quiet deep o
Post a Comment
Read more

Visceral Desires

-
Today is not the day.  I'm not nice.  I'm not even civil.  I can't be polite or even rational. I've somehow managed the last 10 days without a problem.  Then last night, my last conscious thought before I crashed was how much I missed Him in my mouth.  I slept hard and long. This morning, I woke up pissed the fuck off.   I don't want to talk to anyone. Hear anyone. See anyone. Touch anyone. Only He can soothe me. ~whimper~   My desire for Him has overwhelmed me.  The need to have Him shoving into any and all of my holes is visceral.  Primal.  Bordering on fucking violence.  It vibrates in my damn bones and through my mind like an endless jackhammer, pounding away at every shred of control I have left. I want to scream.  Rage.   I want to destroy things.  Tear apart the world.   I need to SUCK. I need to FUCK. Not patiently. Not politely. And sure the fuck NOT gently. I need Him as fucking uncivilized as I am. His grip hard and firm in demand of my body. His arms aro
Post a Comment
Read more

Unreasonable State of Mind

-
My lioness grew restless this evening. Within a couple of hours her agitation only amplified.  I tried to acknowledge her wants, but I simply became more aware of her discomfort. I tried a little talk therapy.  That wasn't enough either. I tried to find peace in sleep, but a nightmare only chased me down like a relentless dog.  When I finally woke, I understood what I had to do. I've learned when the energy shifts, however it shifts, I must trust it, flow with it. Let it lead me—physically, mentally, emotionally—wherever I am meant to go, so I may know or experience whatever deeper truth I am meant to find. To fight its current only makes shit harder and wastes time. I must surrender to its demand. Acknowledging her state wasn't enough. I needed to own her truth. This...is me owning my truth. This...is my surrender. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's been less than 18 hours since I was last in His arms, against His heat, the taste of His flesh on my tongue, the sound
Post a Comment
Read more

The Primal Bitch None of You Warned Me About

-
*** Drafted 11.21.23 *** Fuuuuuuuck...why didn't ANY of you warn me? Like...REALLY??? How many times have we sat together through classes, discussions, panels, round tables?  Yet NOT ONE of you mother fuckers said a damn thing about how this shit really might go down. Grrrrrrr... You ALL suck and officially can no longer be trusted.   She's been a part of me for so long.  She's guided me.  She's empowered me.  She's protected me. I thought I understood her. I thought I knew her. I thought I could anticipate her. But...this??? Fuuuuck…This is new fuckin territory, one I don't have a damn clue how to navigate, and if I'm honest, a part of me DOESN'T want to navigate it.  I just want to lose myself again and again to it.  To her.  To Him.   ~GROAN~ She just slips in and... Takes. Fucking. OVER! Again...you fuckers NEVER discussed THIS shit. That I wouldn't be...COULDN'T be... Rational. Reasonable. Thoughtful. Considerate. IN FUCKIN CONTROL. ~sigh
Post a Comment
Read more