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Showing posts with the label NYC Kink Community

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Reflection & a New Path

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SPLF 23 represented a abrupt shift in my journey.  I wasn't prepared to be seen, to be acknowledged in the sea of humanity, to be wrapped in tight hugs. let alone be fiercely protected and held firmly side-by-side.  I was both deeply humbled and profoundly honored.  Many times. Those five days in Dallas moved me and pushed me on another new path of transformation. After years of pandemic coping that focused only on areas in my life I could evolve, I remembered I had a heart. And...After years of watching how individuals moved/did not move, stood/did not stand, built/attempted to destroy, were 100% authentic/fakers of funk, driven by idealistic goals/greedy self-promotion, I realized I needed fucking space to breathe. Since the Spring, I've been reevaluating how I move, what I give, when I should engage, where I need to be, and who I directly or indirectly offer my co-signature.  I've taken many healthy steps to create a more positive environment for myself and connected in
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DominaKat's Lifestyle Classes I What I Teach & Bio

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Updated | 05.20.23 CLASS LIST The 12 Goals of S&M: Foundations for Scenecrafting | Class Write Up Fail Fast, Fail Often, Fail Forward: Normalizing (the Reality of) Failure as a Part of Growth in the Lifestyle | Class Write Up - Coming Soon! Note | Session can be tailored toward a focus of BDSM, Authority Transfer, or Leather Community if desired. The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics Intro - 90m or Intensive - 3hrs | Class Write Up Day Workshop - 6 hrs | Includes additional guided self-reflection, group discussions, & self-assessment workbook Know Your Service Boundaries: Lessons from the Trenches of a Service Whore (for BOTH sides of the /) | Class Write Up The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Series Session 1 | The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Journey for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather | Class Write Up Session 2 | Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Leather & Kink | Class Write Up Follow On/Up |
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CLASS WRITE UP | The Journey from Ally to Advocate to Warrior for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather

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Title  |  The Journey from Ally to Advocate to Warrior for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather Format  | Lecture-Based Presentation with Slide Deck Duration  | 90-120m (w/Q&A) Target Audience  | Beginner-Intermediate-Advanced  Individuals in the Lifestyle Event Organizers  Conference Committees  Non-Profit/Organizational Boards Whether you are passionate about Social Justice and Equity for the BIPOC Community, Women's Rights, LGBTQA++ Rights, Transgender Rights, Mental Health, Neurodiversity, Learning Disabilities, Physical Disabilities, Body Positivity, Ageism to name a few...this class is for YOU. Description  | Ask a member of any Marginalized Community to name an Ally—either an individual or organization—within The Lifestyle, and their likely answer will simply be a blank stare.  The sad truth is that most who consider themselves Allies do not understand (nor been taught) the fundamentals of The Journey to Allyship, let alone the path to Advocacy or the steps
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Kink/BDSM/Leather Books & Resources

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TES Fest 2022 | Post-Con Status & Priorities

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It's been less than 36 hours since leaving TES Fest 2022. For every amazing person who has messaged me, friended me, commented on something I shared...please bare with me for the next 5-7 days... I was back to my 9 to 5 vanilla job Tuesday am, which leaves me with limited time. My mind is still a whirlwind of amazing shit I need to process and express. That blizzard of thought has left me below standard logic and brainwave wise, and I do not want to do you a disservice by being a fucking airhead! smh... more water...more veggies...more sleep. My body is still recovering. Even my fucking hands ache! SMH...I'm self-masochist-ing just by typing! More Advil...more sleep...more veggies. Aside from my own self-care, my post-con priorities are checking on those closest to me regarding con drop, anyone I Topped, anyone I've offered aftercare from their other scenes, as well as reassuring vanilla family who got a little worried that I was harder to reach than usual. lol I prom
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My Dizzying Return to the In-Person Magic of Leather & Kink

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Today, under an absolutely beautiful breezy blue sky, was my first foray back to in-person Leather and Kink since COVID slammed NYC into a bleak lockdown of rampant illness and death.  Yeah...my return has been slow as fuck.  Sorry not sorry...I lost all faith the last 2+ years that humanity held a basic foundation of common fucking sense.  Humans are humans and they'll do what they want not necessarily what they should.  However, the world is different now, the numbers are down, and the heat index was low, so I'm easing my way back into the flow of humanity on my terms.   As I laid in my bed this morning contemplating those terms and my day, a gradual dawning of RE-awareness crept over me...all the fucking things that go into going to a community event.  SMH.  Fuck...I'd forgotten!  The clothes.  The leather.  The implements.  The EFFORT!  But at the last minute I pulled my shit together and stepped out without embarrassing myself or my Chapter.   On my Uber drive with a s
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Lit Fires & Those Who Feed the Flames

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It's launched.  After two long years, The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics !  This concept came over me in the Spring of 2020 in the middle of the initial NYC COVID outbreak and REFUSED to slip into the lost files of my mind.  When I previewed my very rough ugly concept outline a few weeks later to each of my personal Board of Directors, my first questions were "Who's already put this idea together?  Who's already written this book?"  All of them laughed and said, "No one.  I've never seen Service put out there like this.  I guess you need to be the one."  My fate was sealed.   The concept persisted even when I was overwhelmed with grief at the deep loss of my close friend and Member of my Board of Directors, through the brutal workload that was UPRISE! 2021, while handling needs of my closest family, and as I did my best to dodge the numerous COVID surges that plague our communities.  However, for much of the la
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The Climb to the Next Step

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Anyone who knows me or has been in a class/discussion/panel/meeting with me knows I have something to say about 85% of the time.  I don't speak from ego or for attention.  I'm an idealist, so the ideas and discussion are my focus and where I find my passion.  Seriously...I can get wet from conference sessions .  ~eye roll~  I'm weird.  I know.  My point is...the learning, discussing, knowledge sharing is my zen! While I try not to speak unless my comments, thoughts, or ideas have relevance to the discussion, the value of my words is always subjective to the listener, and since my attention is trained on the presentation or discussion at hand, I'm usually oblivious to whether my words resonate to people.  This is pretty much the case with my writings as well.  I don't write for an audience.  I write to unpack, sort through, and assemble the puzzle pieces in my mind.   Over time as I've attended community events and even created and/or hosted my own events, I star
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Head-Heart-Soul Shift

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Not in a good headspace. Too much. Too little. The negative has seeped in and is starting to drag me under. No one can shift it but me. Time for some gratitude and change in perspective. I am so very grateful for… My health. My family. My lil leather & kink tribe. My Board of Directors who advise me from their thoughtful outside perspective on all things vanilla and Lifestyle. The opportunities of service I’ve had in the last two years with ONYX Pearls NY-NE and with Leather Solidarity Collective. The vast myriad of discussions I’ve had in my own Lifestyle groups as well as other organizations. The treasure trove of books by Lifestyle Authors with their wealth of knowledge and ideas. The amazing, kind, brilliant people I work with M-F. The profoundly beautiful and life altering experiences I’ve had in meditation the last 8 months. My occasional ability to help those in need. The opportunities I have to share my lil bits of wisdom I sometimes manifest. The phenomenal resilience of N
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Silver Linings

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Despite my struggles to find my footing in this start of a new normal, I hold tremendous gratitude in my heart and being for the many, many silver linings I found in the Cat 5 Hurricane that was the pandemic. My parents and adult kids have remained safe and long-term healthy to date.   I stayed safe, mostly sane, and relatively healthy aside from a few stress-induced pounds and lack of exercise. Employment...so incredibly grateful that I was immediately able to shift to remote work. Zoom...though like most...I am sick of fuckin zoom! LOL  However, I am eternally grateful for this platform's massive contribution to society during the gravest of times.   Being able to see family and my dearest friends on the regular kept me grounded and productive. My core friendships deepened exponentially.  Without the distraction of long commutes, wait staff and food, a secondary aspect of entertainment whether it was a class, a movie, shopping, an exhibit, a jazz performance...we had time and foc
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I Miss YOU

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To my Community Friends & Family...I miss you!  I know I'm connecting with many of you numerous ways electronically, but I fucking MISS sharing space with YOU. I miss your warm hugs. I miss the smell of you. I miss the solid-ness of you. I miss watching you interact with those you love most. I miss that subtle look you'd send my way of "WTF?" at something someone else may have said. I miss your head leaning on my shoulder or (depending on height) my head on yours. I miss putting my hand on your arm, thigh, or chest as I laughed in joy at our conversation. I miss that side-eye glance followed by..."stop talking...I need a minute to think of all you just envisioned." I miss sitting next to you on shitty chairs in a cramped room all for the purpose of simply sharing knowledge and energy. I miss the friction of our bodies rubbing against one another as we moved through a crowded munch. I miss the shared excitement and heat as we played together i
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What to Do with Our Kinky Selves BESIDES Masturbate???

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Holy shit! The calendar is clear, the fridge is stocked with a whole lot of crap you don't really want to cook, there's a stack of toilet paper in the linen closet, and binge watching NetFlix is starting to get on your nerves.  WTF do we DO with our Kinky Selves???  Do you masturbate AGAIN?!?  ~sigh~ Damn...no buzz.  If you have a few minutes to kill while your favorite device builds a charge... Listen to some kinky podcasts like: KinkyCast or Off the Cuffs or Touch of Flavor Discover some new music!  Might I suggest checking out... Jazz | Charles Mingus (personal fav - "Moanin'", Thelonious Monk (fav - "Don't Blame Me", or if you need something modern...Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah  African Beats | Thutmose - Ride with Me or WuWu,  Ajebutter22 - Ghana Bounce or Yawa,  Joey B - La Familia or No Waste Time Checkout some lifestyle-related videos (No...I don't mean porn!) Leather Leadership Conference | Classes, Panels, Keynotes from pre
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#NoDickShaming

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June/Pride Event Drop is a THING!

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It's the second week of July, and if you're dragging a bit or just a little down (ESPECIALLY you TES Fest attendees), you aren't alone.  You're not crazy.  July's event drop feeling is a THING! This is my third year actively in the local scene, and I've finally put it together.  Even if you didn't do any of the HUGE events (Folsom Street East, the Balls/Special Parties/etc, Pride Parade, TES Fest) in the last five weeks or aren't LGBTQA, the month of June naturally just is amped up for Pride Month.  Almost every class, meeting, group is at a minimum adds just a little bit more, and there were likely a ton of special events cramming your calendar to celebrate with friends. The very energy of NYC shifts!  June is essentially kinky holiday month like December is in the vanilla world.  There's more love in the streets, the subways, the billboards, the air!!!  The city is literally painted with rainbows.  It is truly beautiful and energizing. Now th
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My Initial Steps Toward Sisterhood

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I wrapped up my ONYX Pearls' interview with the itch to write scratching my scalp.  The simplest of questions yet sadly I had had no immediate or definitive answer.  "What does Sisterhood mean to you?" For many reasons—some situational, some ugly—I've never engaged with groups of women.  To be transparent, it's only been since I entered the local scene that I've even aligned myself with any formal groups.  Despite my current active involvement with various pieces of the NYC Kink Community, I'm actually more of a loner.  My interests have always been too varied, my style too straightforward or unique, my tolerance for drama and betrayal waaaaay too low.  I tend to float between a diverse cross-section of activities, people, and interests.  This allowed for an eclectic assembly of experiences and continually fueled my independence. The root of it all is...I've never sought group approval or status.  That phenomena is all just...sort of lost on
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Why I March Tomorrow

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Tomorrow millions in the world will celebrate, but tomorrow is not MY day.  I am white cis gender essentially straight woman.  So why am I planning to be in Manhattan and march in  NYC Pride Parade ? I will march because I wholeheartedly believe that love is love and should be celebrated and normalized. I will march so that my children and maybe their children can live whatever lives they choose on THEIR terms not the narrow minded terms of others. I will march for my friends and family who can't march or who won't march because they are rightfully too worried about consequences should their lifestyle be public.   I will march to support my family, my friends, and strangers who are stunningly beautiful and fiercely brave as their LGBTQ+ selves. I will march for sexual freedom, for alternative relationship styles, for kinky lifestyles.  I will march in solidarity with the broader NYC kink community and extended family that I am firmly a part of who will
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The Blessing of Folsom

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Two years ago, I wandered into my first Folsom Street East with no idea what to expect.  I'd heard rave reviews of the street festival at some of my first few TES classes, so on a hot, humid, early summer day I found myself on a single closed off block in NYC surrounded by much phenomenal pride and an outstanding display of stunning drag queens, hunky gay men in next to nothing, and a more back hair than I ever wanted to see.  LOL  (Keeping it real real here folks!) I walked by vendors and organizations and food carts, young people and old, the dressed and nearly undressed, men, women, and gender fluid, leather and uniquely their own, and then took my very overheated (suffered heat exhaustion a few weeks before) ass home, grateful to have gone and to have felt the beautiful energy.  However, other than awareness I remained relatively unchanged by the event.  I had felt the joy and love around me, but being still new to the local kink scene and a straight, white, female...well m
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POLY | Is Poly's Growing Popularity a Product of Women's Equality?

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Gotta love NYC Munches.  The conversation is damn near ALWAYS intriguing.  Rarely does it dwelling in the arena of mundate chit chat.  A few of us were discussing the idea that poly will become the next groundbreaking cultural norm now that LGBTQ has made so much progress.   By no means am I implying that the fight for LGBTQ rights has been fully won.  However, for a majority of the Millennial and Gen Z generation non-hetero sexuality is way more acceptable than it was when I was in my twenties. For these younger generations who are putting off traditional family structures of marriage and children, we were thinking that they may be the ones to usher in more cultural acceptance of poly dynamics.  With that and some of the discussion points our group had mentioned about the unspoken historical acceptance of non-monogamy, especially for men, I began to wonder how much of a relationship exists between cultural acceptance and practice of poly relationships and women's growing equali
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Gratitude

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Gratitude...for my slivers of service to the community to be welcomed, accepted, and even celebrated. Gratitude...for those who believe(d) in me - whose voices encourage(d) and push(ed) me to reach further rather than take away from me in order to make themselves feel like more. Gratitude...for those who help contribute in more than casual empty words but in meaningful, authentic, deep words and deeds - to my growth, my ideas, and my passions. It is rare that our journeys taken in isolation.  For those who have joined me for a step, a season, or a reason on my path, I am humbled and honored by your presence. ~DominaKat
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Introducing: S&M.NYC

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Well...I've gone and done it, with some great help of course!  ~HAT TIP~  I've been itching for the last year for more on S&M.  By more, I mean beyond the usual basic demo class that pops up every once and a while.  I've been hungry for meaty discussions about the in's, out's, approaches, tactics, thought process, etc.  Living in your own bubble is NEVER good.  We all need diverse thoughts and opinions to keep our minds engaged and kink creative, soooo... I've started an S&M Discussion Group in NYC.  My goal:  Create a safe, sane, fun space for S&M discussion.  That's it.  I am by no means an expert on ANY of this shit.  I've got no ego in this.  No political agenda.  I just love to learn and grow and discuss WIITWD and wanted to give back a little to the community that's given me so much. If you're interested in S&M, please join me and BlackMusic (your meeting hosts) on the first Monday of every month for what we hope will be
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