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Showing posts from January, 2018

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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A Little Humor for My Kinster Friends...

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So before I call it a night... The top of my left foot has been KILLING me the last few days. I thought maybe someone had stepped on it last week when I accidentally ended up in a spontaneous NYC subway escalator mosh pit, which happens whenever some idiot doesn’t get out of the way at the end of the escalator. If this has never happened to you, it’s a total cluster fuck, especially during NYC rush hour when dozens if not a hundred people are directly in a line behind you getting dumped into the mosh.   *Ugly way to start the morning, trust me.* No bruise though. Just incredible persistent pain, and that’s the only incident that I could think of. In the tangle of arms and legs and yelling and pisstivity I could have easily missed getting stepped on in the moment. ~shrug~ ..... *(This gets better.  I promise.)* Just now. On a Wednesday night. In an effort to quell the noise in my head...frustration and sadness over dumb shit, I decided to get myself off. Kwesi is in a Man Meetin
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A Drenched Soul

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I've been piecing together words, thoughts, feelings, but how can I be a poet or a storyteller or even fucking literate when I can barely handle the blaze of endless memories?  Fuck.  He gave me one of the best fucking nights of my life, and my mind can't really yet take it all in. I fly on the currents of our beautiful storm still twenty-four hours later.  My body aches deliciously.  My soul is freer than ever.  My mind...shit...I struggle to string it all together.  Our dark twin Beasts...so well fucking matched. Him.  My Lion.  ~sigh~ Stunning.  Fearless.  My fierce Warrior pushed me further than anyone ever.  He peeled back my truth and feasted Himself on my soul as I came endlessly. And the most exquisite perfect moment... One of the deepest, most intimate... The one that had forever been in my mind... In my deep dark fantasies... Was simply just there... And tears just slipped down my face at how tightly He held me in my most whorish of Truths. Fuck... Joy i
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Apparently I'm a Hot Nympomanic Mess...

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The room was overflowing.  Given the venue (which seemed to dampen sound - good thing to note) two dozen people sat quiet as hell straining to listen to every word the panelists shared about Service. The panel was amazingly diverse!  Various genders, races and sexual orientations of both experienced Masters and slaves.  I was eager to gain more insight, new perspectives, new knowledge.  I jotted down each question to the panelists to ponder later as needed for myself as well as took note of any thought provoking comments.  Then this happened... Question to the Panel (summarized/not word for word): "What service do you provide/receive that you enjoy most?" My IMMEDIATE internal answer (and a fucking movie reel of hot fucking flashback recent memories) screamed through my mind...SUCKING DICK! Yeah...thank every deity known and forgotten to man that I somehow managed not to even murmur  that sledgehammer-like thought cause I was feeling like the bouncy overly happy chick o
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STOP! THIS is NOT Who We Are!

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What the fucking FUCK?!?  STOP! Unless you are somehow DIRECTLY involved with the participants currently embroiled in the various NYC incidences, I fucking BEG you to pull yourself out of the ugly nasty turbulent river of conflict, pain, disappointment, and angst that is the Fet feed for a day...just a day.  Take a few cleansing breaths, and fucking see, remember, and EMBRACE the reality that this drama is NOT ALL there is to the NYC Kink Community!!! A FEW nasty narcissistic abusers have been called out for years of chronic monstrous behavior that happened for the most part...WITHIN their D/s relationships - a FEW.  The horror that was experienced by these dozen or so submissives should NOT get to replace the... BEAUTY. FUN. FRIENDSHIP. SEXINESS. LEARNING. COMPASSION. UNDERSTANDING. SUPPORT. ENCOURAGEMENT. DELIGHT. and sheer fucking JOY... That the other THOUSAND(s) OF US (tens of thousands over the last decade) have come together and shared with each other at munche
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From the Sidelines: Observations, Lessons, & Questions I'm Pondering

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I currently have no dog in any of the past or current fights.  I stand on the sidelines and observe, listen, process, and learn both as a bottom and a Top roles.  A few people I've discussed things with seeking...input.  I admittedly am not always on point with politically correct messaging.  I don't always see eye to eye with the masses.  Truly...I suck at following the crowd and struggle in allowing myself to get swept away in mob mentality even when it may be a good thing.  Logic and reason are two of my favorite vices. I've spent days/weeks jotting down thoughts and notes.  To date these are my observations, lessons, and questions that I'm pondering... WORDS REALLY FUCKING MATTER  Say what needs to be said.  Tell friends.  Talk to people.  Ask questions.  Maybe I don't know someone's dynamic, but absolutely NO ONE can or will fault me for saying even from the sidelines..." I'm not comfortable with him/her/how they play.  It seems dangerous and
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