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Showing posts from September, 2023

In Tatters

I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply

The Deep Chasm of My Moat

I was discussing...ehhh...maybe more like light debating the value and challenges that may arise in having a personal Board of Directors while exploring Authority Transfer.  It was a fascinating conversation.   However, this morning I found a point I didn't have at the time.  A single text.  A simple sentence.  Great news that brought me to my knees in tears and release from a worry I hadn't realized I still carried. And there was no one to turn to.   In that moment, Kat wanted to surrender all her joy and relief to an Owner who would just gather her up, hold her, and stroke her hair, understanding the significance and all the compounded nuances from many different directions.  I would have sobbed messy snot-bubble tears into His shirt and simply felt His unrelenting strength and compassion in return.  Only He would see and have me in my truest form—completely raw, unfiltered, unguarded. It's not that I won't absolutely share the great news with my Board of Directors at