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Showing posts from December, 2023

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Laundry Service Revelations

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Shit. I folded his clothes. I’m not joking. I got within two feet of that soft warm heap of pants, shirts, tees, briefs, and socks, and my hands instinctively dove in like I’d done this for him a thousand times before.  Zero hesitation.  I paused briefly in shaking out a shirt to ask a quick question on preference and kept right on serving...In sheer fuckin bliss. SMH. Context...I haven’t folded a man’s clothes in over seven years. Hell, I don’t even fold my own clothes.  NYC's relationship with laundry is a bit different than most of this country's.  Between no in-apartment appliances and a sucky commute that eats an entire functional day a week, it’s NYC drop off service for me, please and thank you.  However, it's more than just practicalities responsible for the seven year hiatus, and there is a significance within my simple actions that I can’t ignore. Truth | I essentially have a long-established hard limit: Unless there is an emergency, urgent need, or serious il
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The Primal Bitch None of You Warned Me About

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*** Drafted 11.21.23 *** Fuuuuuuuck...why didn't ANY of you warn me? Like...REALLY??? How many times have we sat together through classes, discussions, panels, round tables?  Yet NOT ONE of you mother fuckers said a damn thing about how this shit really might go down. Grrrrrrr... You ALL suck and officially can no longer be trusted.   She's been a part of me for so long.  She's guided me.  She's empowered me.  She's protected me. I thought I understood her. I thought I knew her. I thought I could anticipate her. But...this??? Fuuuuck…This is new fuckin territory, one I don't have a damn clue how to navigate, and if I'm honest, a part of me DOESN'T want to navigate it.  I just want to lose myself again and again to it.  To her.  To Him.   ~GROAN~ She just slips in and... Takes. Fucking. OVER! Again...you fuckers NEVER discussed THIS shit. That I wouldn't be...COULDN'T be... Rational. Reasonable. Thoughtful. Considerate. IN FUCKIN CONTROL. ~sigh
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ONYX Pearls NY-NE | Rededication

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Yesterday, ONYX Pearls NY-NE celebrated our 7th Anniversary, and I recognized four years since crossing into Leather.  It was a beautiful afternoon of celebrating our kaleidoscope of personalities and the connections we have forged through joy, laughter, tears, fire, personal growth, and leather during our journey.   As a key part of our ceremony, we collectively rededicated ourselves to The Chapter by retaking our oath and were asked to share of few thoughts about our individual experiences and most importantly our Why.  The below reflects the words I shared yesterday with my sisters and siblings.   However, I would be remiss in this more personal reflection if I did not call out two Sisters who have quite frankly altered the course of my life.  From the moment I met each of these amazing women, I was drawn to them.  Their energy instinctually spoke to me, and we have since woven bonds of Sisterhood that reach deep into my body, mind, heart and soul.  They have each embraced me, taugh
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