In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Shameless

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~sigh~ I am shameless.

I typically don't let myself feel the true intensity. In the last year, I've done my best to avoid any kind of potential emotional roller coaster rides. However, the two glasses of wine at lunch yesterday and confessions between very old friends absolutely fuels this current embrace of my truth. Whether or not I let myself get caught up often in such strong emotions doesn't change reality.

I am shamelessly in love with that Man.

I've been in love before but never quite like this.  Never...so...easy...smooth.

I have no expectations beyond our occasional shared moments together.
I have no desire to have that which belongs to anyone else.
I have no misconception of some unrealistic grand happily ever after.
I have no drive to be to Him any more than what I am today.

I merely am in love with the Man He is. His outrageous strengths and optimism. His quirky flaws and human weaknesses. I celebrate our differences and learn from them. I appreciate our similarities and exploit them for our mutual pleasure and joy. I refuse illusions and see beyond what the world sees to accept, appreciate, and cherish Him for who His is. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I did not expect to be here. Not after what I went through.

I purposefully chose different strategies and different standards to avoid repeating any past mistakes. This time I accepted real time/life Dominance before any softer more vanilla emotions were even a consideration. He made it so easy to take the hand He offered and follow Him down this path that we're on.  Trusting Him was the easiest thing I've ever done. There's been bumps and detours of course, but the synchronized rhythm of us has never faltered.

And here I am.

No dizzy roller coaster ride.
No swell of overwhelming emotions.
No gut wrenching vulnerability.

Simply in love.

An easy relatively undemanding sort of in love.
Wrapped with my submission to please, give, and serve.
Reinforced with His firm and at times demanding hand.
Entwined with our shared darkness, mutual kindness, and a desire for us each to be the best and the most we can be.

I don't know what tomorrow or next month or next year will bring us, but I shamelessly embrace and cherish what we are and have today.

BTW to anyone who says we are doing our Owner/property M/s dynamic wrong for including love...fuck off.  No really...I mean that. ~hat tip~
~DominaKat

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