There’s much talk about being a sub, being a slave, property, pet or being a Dom, being a Master, Owner, etc. We have classes, discussions, writings, debates about how to be the most fantastical at whatever role you identify as yours. I’m not hating. I absolutely participate in and enjoy and learn from all of the conversations too.
There's also the Great Debate. Who truly has the control? The Dom! No! The sub.
And then there's the whole...submission is the ultimate gift.
SMH.
The answer to the Great Debate is both equally hold control. Anyone that argues differently is a damn fool. A Dom with no sub has no one but HimHerSelf to control. Sub-Has-Control-ers...try submitting when there's no Dominance. I've tried it...trust me when I tell you that's a lot of things, but it ain't D/s and it ain't holding control. When you're throwing your submission at a brick wall, your submission damn sure ain't some grand omnipotent gift either. That gift ain't nothing but a hot mess of pain and frustration without (the gift of) Dominance.
The truth is...
No matter what side of the slash you fall on...
In the end...
It's the slash that matters most. The slash...all the magic that happens BETWEEN each half of the whole. That is the ONLY thing that makes a D/s dynamic. You could be the Domliest Dom or the subbiest of slaves, but if there's nothing between you or if the energy in the slash only goes one direction your roles don't really exist. No really...they don't.
You can still identify as X, y, or Z, but you aren't able to BE X, y, or Z without your other half. It's like saying you're a Husband or Wife but not married.
Our dynamics depend on the EXCHANGE (Power, Authority, Energy) between our other half in order to simply exist, for that role in ourselves to breathe. BOTH sides of the slash have equal control and an ACTIVE responsibility to feed, honor, and participate.
So unassuming but a million things can exist inside that little teeny, tiny /. Every participant of a dynamic pours their own unique combination, flavor, and funk inside it. Protocols, rituals, emotions, responsibilities, sexual acts, non-sexual practical tasks, S/m, bondage, kink, whatever. There's negotiations, resets, evolutions of what ACTIONS and BELIEFS may suit each dynamic at any given time. So much is possible! However, the slash will only be as strong as its weakest point.
If you throw crap or carelessness into your slash (your Energy/Power/Authority EXCHANGE) or ignore the slash altogether, eventually the dynamic will crumble before your eyes no matter how D- or s- you may be. No single side can save it. The / simple falls flat _ without both sides holding up/securing their end.
I guess my point to this whole thing is...
Yes, be the best X, y, or Z you can be, but pay attention to what you put in your slash/what you exchange (or withhold) within your dynamic. In the end, that's the only thing that makes great D/s and great D/s is what most of us truly search to find.
~DominaKat
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