~sigh~ After seeing several new people feel like they are LESS than after reading some arrogant assholian the lifestyle is going to hell in a handbasket rants...
Dear Captain Kinky Cranky Pants (encompassing all genders) ~
Yes, Fet sucks. It's always sucked. It just didn't suck as much when it was NEW to you and me. Since I joined in 2010, I’ve absolutely seen a difference as well, but I'm pretty sure much of that perspective is due to how much MORE educated I am and how much FURTHER along in my own journey I am. Putting some check marks next to your kinky bucket list makes climbing the Everest of Kink seem achievable. Just because you have your climbing gear and you've done two dozen other climbs doesn't mean you should scuff at the ones just getting their first pair of hiking boots.
Yes, the amount of fluffy - first things many of us check off the list - can be significant. One of the first steps of courage in the lifestyle tends to be showing some skin. Because you know...in the vanilla world that's often pretty frown upon. Let those beautiful titties, asses, and naked bodies get their love. If that thrills them...so fucking what?
Yes, K&P sucks. Like...duh. K&P is a product of crowdsourcing love and essentially becomes the LEAST common denominator across the Fet population. The problem is your assumption in expecting something exactly the way you want it. Seek and you shall find. Don't bitch simply because it's not spoon fed to you.
Yes, 50 shades sucks...hated the books, hated the movies more! But for SOME it’s the first door opening to their dark fantasies and exploration of kink. We all started somewhere, and we eventually found our way here. Most of us have been lucky enough to find some GREAT, THOUGHTFUL, KIND, INSIGHTFUL people who were further along and shared their WISDOM. How about we take OUR turn at educating newbies a lil. They are like annoying teenagers just entering high school...most eventually grow up to be adults we mostly like. ;-)
My suggestions:
- Don't click the K&P link if you don't enjoy it. I rarely hit K&P since it rarely moves me.
- Follow/friend only those that DO move you and unfriend/unfollow those that don't. Cleaning up your own feed will greatly improve your experience.
- Ignore Uber Domly Dom and Uber Subby Sub. ~yawn~
- Instead of running from Fet or incessantly bitching, try to ADD DEEPER level content to Fet. Whenever Fet gets me discouraged, I try to counteract the negativity by producing something positive. (I know...I may be failing this evening.) No, my posts may not be that earth shattering. It's a whole lot of erotica...but even in that I try to layer in the mental and emotional elements that make what we do more than just insert tab A in slot B and C while swinging Tool #1. Occasionally a few in my circle tell me they benefit from my thoughts. I realize this may be a bit more of a challenge than ranting, but you get BACK what you put IN.
- Get off fucking Fet and the damn Internet and engage in Real Time REAL LIFE kink!!! If you don't like your local scene...drive 60 miles to another. Save some nickels and hit up one of the NUMEROUS conferences.
Fet was never meant to be Kink-topia. It's ~cough~ the FUCKIN INTERNET!!! Kink-topia is what you hopefully get through the door of when you're considerate, honest, and face-to-fuckin-face with someone else of the same kink-mindset as you.
~hugs~
~DominaKat
Dear Kinky Newbies ~
Welcome!!! Ignore Mr/Ms Uber Experienced Kinky & Cranky!!! Do NOT let their negativity dissuade you from exploring the fun and sexiness of your Darker fantasies. Do NOT feel bad that you aren’t into a thousand things (yet).
Be curious!!! This is YOUR journey not anyone else’s. Go at YOUR pace. In YOUR direction. SAFELY! SANELY! You have every right to learn and discover and enjoy what you are ready for. Explore! Explore! Explore!!! And for fuck sake (I say that with much love)...EDUCATE YOURSELF!!! This stuff is dangerous and none of us want anything bad to happen to you or yours.
Yes, to anyone that has been here in this a while...at times you are like teenagers just entering high school. You are over excited, dorky because you don't really know the rules or get it all yet, and a little bit dangerous because you are playing with fire and may not understand yet the risks vs. rewards. We care, but sometimes our patience can wear thin.
Here's a few rules to start out with:
- Respect others. Your Kink is Not My Kink is perfectly acceptable, but Kinky Shaming is a major faux pas. Don't be an asshole. If you come across anyone who doesn’t show you the same respect? Keep it moving. Kinkland is no different than the rest of the world. There are plenty of assholes and crazies you need to avoid.
- EDUCATE yourself. Read...posts, books! Go to classes, muches, conferences. Ask questions. LEARN. BE SAFE!!!
- Do not automatically assume that the person next to you knows more than you. Just because someone says they've been or has been in the lifestyle doesn't mean they know shit. It's kind of like believing your grandfather is a great driver because he's been driving for 40 years. Pay attention. There are many idiots here, and some people swerve across yellow lines despite the fact that they should know better. Be wary of Uber Domly Dom and Uber Subby Sub.
- Be HONEST with yourself and those you engage with. Being honest with yourself is often the hardest part, and guess what...your truth will change the more you experience things. It's why most of us keep doing this and exploring our own limits! ;-)
- Be ready to WORK at this. You work to gain understanding, knowledge, respect, and experience.
- Don't be a bitch, an asshole, a creep, or crazy. Handle your shit or go home.
Those really are some basic rules that everyone should apply throughout their lives not just here, but it helps to have reminders at the door.
Again...welcome to the party. Please grab some refreshments and settle in!
~hugs~
~DominaKat
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