In Tatters

I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply

My Religion

I remained silent.  As they took turns speaking, their words faded to background noise, and I held up my own Truth to my mind's eye and gazed at it in fearless acknowledgement.

Yes, I see.  I know.

Even there, surrounded by those who shared at least some version of my proclivities, it seemed unlikely my own Beliefs would find many companions.  I hadn't been hopeful - merely curious.  I long ago accepted in myself what I can so rarely express to anyone who can understand.  Though I have let my Truth flicker in the ether at times.

My Religion?  I bask, bath, am baptized in the Spiritual essence found only at the Divine intersection of a soul deep connection, pure, authentic BDSM, and raw hedonistic sex.  There...in those moments...I am free of the chains of this world and become one with the Holy Existence of Life and all that beautiful energy of the Universe.  There...in those moments...I find Grace.

I am Grace.

I am Everything and nothing.
I am Life and death.
I am Heaven and hell.

I do not question the vibrant Power that pulses through me.  I simply surrender its stunning clarity and Transcendence.

Some play.  Some dabble.  Few step up to the Altar to spill their souls.  I seek out that intensity.  I have no desire to lap at the edges of fulfillment.  I need to burn in the sweet fire of BDSM and sex, so that my world is aglow.  Without its light feeding the roots of my soul I am a fraction of myself.

The local scene is where I congregate to share/give/receive knowledge and understanding.  My M/s Rituals offer me moments in my day to Pray to the Truth of me.  My Owner is my Minister leading me to unique opportunities of Worship.  And Pain?  Pain is my Sacrifice to a Greater Power than myself.

Blasphemy?  ~shrug~  I can no more change who and what I am than I can change the phases of the ethereal moon in the sultry night sky.

This is my Providence.
~DominaKat

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