Shit. I'm trapped in a writing hall of mirrors. I must have 20 pieces actively in the hopper that is my brain. Different topics. Different vibes. Just tumbling around and around and around in schizophrenic state of slow motion chaos. I get a few sentences down, maybe a paragraph or two if I'm lucky, but I can't seem to pull hard enough on a single thread to unravel it the way I need to bring it to fruition.
~sigh~ If I rip the bullshit off, this is a complete reflection of my current state in the lifestyle. I flitter along the surface but never dive deep the way I like. The way I fucking need. My sexuality and various kinks...I can't quite reach them mentally, emotionally, even physically. I hate this...apathy in me. It seeps into every layer of my world, even my words.
The only time I can focus is that moment when Kwesi's hand grips the back of my neck. A light touch. A firm grip. It doesn't matter. Every damn thing in me skitters to a fucking stop for Him and waits with breathless attention. The dark, sexiness in my soul stirs ever so tentatively waiting for His direction, command, need. It waits for Him to stir the eruption of passion and greed that is us.
Then when He lets go...the eruption stills like the Bellagio Fountain between shows.
~sigh~ As the last splash fades, the silence of the aftermath leaves my mind in that slow-mo chaos.
Accomplishing nothing.
And then there's the stalkers...the ones so intent on seeking my flaws and failures. For fucks sake...are you that bored? Is your insecurity that damn deep? Did you relish the previous paragraphs, thrilled to see me as something less? LOL...get jobs. Get a real hobby. Get your own damn life and sex life. Some of you have been around more than a decade chasing me across the Internet trying to destroy what wants absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe you should discuss that with your shrinks. But whatever...enjoy the view. Because even between shows, the Bellagio Fountain is a stunning bitch to behold and has more class, strength, and awe-inspiring presence than you on your best day, and with the flip of a switch I can become a spectacle of stunning beauty, grace, and power that leaves people transfixed.
Why do you struggle to be more? Because you're petty, cruel, selfish, and self-righteous just to name a few.
Ehhhh...Let me get back to my nothing and mucking through my schizophrenic words.
~DominaKat
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