In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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I Belong

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It's late.  My ass should be in bed snoring, yet I find myself too wired to cozy up in my nest.  Tonight feels like an unexpected milestone for myself.  Out of the blue I was asked to join a community event as a panelist.  I was flattered of course, but quite cognizant that while I've been involved in the lifestyle for about nine years now and have been thoughtful and introspective of my journey, I'm not what anyone would consider some wildly experienced kinkster who's spent every weekend doing more and more intense kinkiness.

No, surprise...surprise...I haven't run around jumping on every type of ride available in Kink-Topia.  I don't chase the dragon.

That isn't the important part of the journey for me.  What is important for me is that I find meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in what it is that I do.  In that...I am a serious participant.  Every day I seek to take another step in my journey of self-discovery within the lifestyle.

Throughout the last 18 months, those steps have included being active in the local NYC Kink Community.  Group meetings, classes, discussions, forums, munches, parties have littered my calendar and offered me numerous opportunities to learn, network, and most of all...grow.

Something has also been happening over the last few months, beginning when I volunteered to help the lead of another group I was passionate about.  Something extraordinary.  Something I did not reach for nor did I anticipate.  Tonight, I realized just what the milestone was that I passed.

I belong.

When I took my seat in front of that small packed room, it felt as natural as sitting down next to my Sherpa over pizza and continuing to debate the mono-spirituality of masturabation.  Not only was there opportunity to learn, but I had value, wisdom, and experience to share.

I belong.

That's been a very rare experience in my lifetime.  I am better for being a part of this rich, diverse, thoughtful community, and I look forward to the responsibility that belonging entails.
~DominaKat

~~~ Local Community Involvement ~~~
  • NYC slave Munch ~ Co-Lead
  • TES Presents: Pain Processing Panel, moderated by Jinx - Oct 2018 ~ Panelist
  • MAsT ~ Active Member
  • TES ~ Active Member
  • Harlem Munch ~ Participating Attendee

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