In a world consumed by instant gratification, which is the new norm...no...the new God, sadly concepts such as Honor have become vague relics of the past, echoed only by ghosts and eulogies of heroes. Maybe this is where the hopeless romantic in me sticks out like a prickly cactus in a deep bed of used instant scratch off tickets, but Honor is still very much a part of my DNA.
I don't brag or blow smoke up anyone's ass. Why? They'd find out soon enough that I was full of shit. How embarrassing would that be??? Plus I've never been able to find logic in lies and pompous nonsense. The first time MasterKwesi met one of my friends, he shook her hand and said, "Wow...she's amazing. She's one of the few people that says she's about x and then actually is x." I was a bit stunned for a moment that he was impressed by just basic honesty, but my Honorable genes run deeper.
I do my best to Honor the agreements I make - even if I've made a mistake - for as long as I possibly can. I don't agree to shit I don't expect to be able to accomplish or have the bandwidth to achieve. Since I don't fake it, there's often a cost to my Honor.
When others break their word, I still try to fulfill as much of my side of the deal as I can, which makes those closest to me crazy. I can't tell you how often my brother has yelled, "Fuck them! They broke their word how many times? You don't owe them shit." Yet still...even when it sucks and I'm buried in heartbreak, I follow one of the loneliest and most unrewarding paths one can follow - to Honor my agreements. I have to be true to me even if others can't live up to their word - let alone be true to me.
Sadly, every year has proved more and more how cautious I should be with my Honor, but caution doesn't mean I've stripped myself of it. In fact, being in the lifestyle and drawn to M/s has enable my Honor to have a place to exist in this crazy, self-centered culture that surrounds us.
Yes, you can easily be a shallow shithead in any of the local scenes, but it won't take long before the only people you have to play with are shallow shitheads like yourself. Don't get me wrong. I don't for a second believe that the lifestyle community is some utopia of great humanity. Bwaaahahahaa!
The depth that exists beyond the shallow shores in the lifestyle community has to be sought and found and learned. I am still doggie paddling as I take in the subtleties and nuances to many of the concepts of M/s, but I strive to Honor the norms of the community.
To Honor the role I identify as and the Role I sometimes gravitate to.
To Honor all that the community has shared with me.
To Honor the diversity and individuality of all who contribute.
To Honor the rules and customs that help define WIITWD.
I have to be careful not to let my idealist get to excited. The lifestyle is afterall only made up of flawed humans like myself, but its code of conduct and ideals resonate deeply within me, and even when the path before me is painful or lonely or a steep climb, I know of no other way to proceed. To abide by my own Honor and to Honor what I believe in.
~DominaKat
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