An Exercise: My Loves & Hates of Poly

I love open and honest.
I hate when poly is only a game designed to keep control of Him.

I love to add to an existing equation and help build a healthy ecosystem of love and support.
I hate when I'm treated as a temporary inconvenience that must be slowly manipulated out of the picture from the behind His back.

I love the shared responsibility of loving someone because I understand I can't be everything.
I hate when my service to the greater equation is dismissed, ignored as irrelevant, or even resented.

I love to witness the broader beauty of others' love.
I hate when all I'm granted are the leftover scraps of His life.

I love to learn and be inspired by the relationships of others.
I hate when my dynamic is deemed as meaningless and my role easily replaceable with someone else.

I love the belief that more love is beautiful and welcome.
I hate when instead of active feeding of our relationship others rely on my loyalty to hold me.

I absolutely love to hear and acknowledge the passion He shares with others.
I hate when the metamour views me as just a treat for when He's done well - the unpaid prostitute who gives him the nasty, kinky, passionate sex she can't understand let alone provide.

I love and cherish the opportunity to love.
I hate when that opportunity is shuttered out of unfounded insecurity and fear.

~sigh~

This exercise of looking back on my experiences to date helped me immensely.  Instead of aiming frustrations at the general practice, I could narrow down how the shitty acts of insecure others poisoned various situations.  It's not that poly dynamics aren't for me, but bad poly is not for me (and likely most people.)

It's a lot like anal sex...If someone tears into that ass without caring, only concerned with the end result of cumming, the receiver is likely going to make the practice a hard limit real quick.  However with the right partner who takes control and puts the right preparations in place for a positive experience from beginning to end, the receiver LOVES it.  It's not that missteps won't occasionally happen, but they can easily be overcome for the greater bigger reward.

Yes, I did just do that...compared poly to anal sex.  ~shrug~  Hehehe

For the most part, I ultimately control whether the things I love and hate are in my world.  My greatest failure to myself has always been in giving others too many chances to disappoint, hurt, and take from me.  While I allowed those opportunities with the best intentions - for love, for giving the relationship everything I had - those extra chances often result in allowing the things I hate to curl up and rest in my life.  My brother warns me every time I'm about to give someone extra chances..."The cost is too high.  You aren't like other people.  You don't simply shrug off the damage and jump back into the same stupid shit."

He's right.  I'm not a rubber band that snaps back into the same place.  I try to learn my lessons and evolve, so I can be a better me going forward.  The cost is that I shed a bit more of my openness each time and build more defenses.  Maybe that's a good thing.  I've done better at protecting myself.  I'm doing better at recognizing that what I'm capable of is not always within others' capacity.  What I must to do better at is offering fewer chances to situations where my well-being not a priority.

My loyalty should be reserved for those who continue to earn it not just because I see what is possible between us.  Most don't reach for those bigger possibilities.  They prefer to focus on what they can get quickly and easily today, which usually just costs me and leaves me with nothing.

When it comes to poly and well serious dynamics in general, I have to make sure my investments include those more interested in long-term growth benefits rather than short-term penny gains.  Pocket change relationships no longer have a place in my portfolio.
~DominaKat