The 9 Service Languages | Intensive Session Wrap Up Thoughts

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On Sunday, I wrapped up my first small group FULL INTENSIVE workshop that spanned 6+ hours over the course of 2 days. Anyone who has sat through my Intro class knows, The 9 Service Languages is a fucking BIG IDEA! When I first launched my class, I naively believed it could be tackled in a typical 90-minute or 2-hour session. I quickly learned that was impossible and that few platforms (cons, orgs, mtgs) had the ability to hold space for me and attendees to get DEEP in the weeds of WIITWD as it relates to Service. I am PROFOUNDLY HONORED that @S-O-C—the Service Oriented Conference—reached out to me earlier this year to be a part of their inaugural Intensive Program. They were the perfect partner with the perfect target audience for an Intensive of The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics. The session allowed me to work with a small group as we got our hands dirty, dissecting where, when, how, and why we do Service and considered ways to adjust, tweak, evol...
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Owner Privileges

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We have a lot of labels for those we engage with:  play partner, lover, Top, bottom, baby girl, Daddy, brother, sister, toy, Dom, sub....  Our relationships are sometimes complicated, often nuanced, but almost always meaningful.  For me there is no greater relationship/title than Owner.

Even though I am unOwned and struggling right now in my peace with and trust in my submission, I can't deny M/s is - will always be - my sacred.  The Owner's throne may be currently empty, but I still honor that role that a Man may eventually take in my life.

Over time and experience, I've come to understand how rare it is to find someone willing and ABLE to take on the responsibilities of my Ownership.  Yes, there are a myriad of delightful sexy benefits He will have the right to indulge in at will, and many find those possibilities appealing.  However, what differentiates an Owner from a play partner, lover, Dominant is His desire and follow through to be an active leader in my life.  No small feat for someone as strong, driven, and independent as I am.  To Lead a Lioness, He must be an Alpha Lion.  Someday, maybe I'll find one strong enough and ready to take that Leadership position.

In the meantime, this Lioness continues to roam the kinky Sahara solo to gain knowledge and understanding, to hone my skills, to live and enjoy the journey that is life.  As I've assessed the potential paths I may take, I've instinctually recoiled at certain experiences without an Owner to drive those moments between us.  As with His role, I've found some acts are sacred.

Of course protocols, permissions, other M/s-centric activities all naturally fall under "not available for casual play." What has been surprising are the number of basic, sexual, S&M, personal activities that I automatically also drop into that category as well.

I've created decent outlines of my goals and limits for my masochist and my Top, but those list don't quite highlight my boundaries the right way.  It feels critical for me to put into words my definition of...

Owner Privileges

Sexual/Kink
  • Kissing (Is french kissing still the proper terminology?  Or am I dating myself??? lol)
  • Fluid-bonding
  • Receiving anal intercourse
  • Being shared with others
  • Kneeling/bowing
  • "Sir"
  • Watersports
  • Collar/leash
  • Punishment
  • Serious/deep HDO
Personal
Note:  Long known and trusted friends are not included in these boundaries.
  • Sleeping (me)
  • Sharing my personal space/home
  • Meeting family

I feel like I'm missing others, but at least this is a start of a clearer line of demarcation as I continue my journey forward, exploring my needs, wants, and desires.

Regardless of the direction I take, it is my job to value and protect my submission while I wait for an Owner.  Engaging in some of these activities without the protective framework of M/s to cushion the blow would likely cause significant recoil in negative energy.  I'm tough.  I'm sure I'd recover.  However, in my mind and heart, I continue to hold a place of Honor for my someday Owner, and it is only natural to extend that Honor to physical acts as well.
~DominaKat

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On Sunday, I wrapped up my first small group FULL INTENSIVE workshop that spanned 6+ hours over the course of 2 days. Anyone who has sat through my Intro class knows, The 9 Service Languages is a fucking BIG IDEA! When I first launched my class, I naively believed it could be tackled in a typical 90-minute or 2-hour session. I quickly learned that was impossible and that few platforms (cons, orgs, mtgs) had the ability to hold space for me and attendees to get DEEP in the weeds of WIITWD as it relates to Service. I am PROFOUNDLY HONORED that @S-O-C—the Service Oriented Conference—reached out to me earlier this year to be a part of their inaugural Intensive Program. They were the perfect partner with the perfect target audience for an Intensive of The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics. The session allowed me to work with a small group as we got our hands dirty, dissecting where, when, how, and why we do Service and considered ways to adjust, tweak, evol...
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