In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Owner Privileges

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We have a lot of labels for those we engage with:  play partner, lover, Top, bottom, baby girl, Daddy, brother, sister, toy, Dom, sub....  Our relationships are sometimes complicated, often nuanced, but almost always meaningful.  For me there is no greater relationship/title than Owner.

Even though I am unOwned and struggling right now in my peace with and trust in my submission, I can't deny M/s is - will always be - my sacred.  The Owner's throne may be currently empty, but I still honor that role that a Man may eventually take in my life.

Over time and experience, I've come to understand how rare it is to find someone willing and ABLE to take on the responsibilities of my Ownership.  Yes, there are a myriad of delightful sexy benefits He will have the right to indulge in at will, and many find those possibilities appealing.  However, what differentiates an Owner from a play partner, lover, Dominant is His desire and follow through to be an active leader in my life.  No small feat for someone as strong, driven, and independent as I am.  To Lead a Lioness, He must be an Alpha Lion.  Someday, maybe I'll find one strong enough and ready to take that Leadership position.

In the meantime, this Lioness continues to roam the kinky Sahara solo to gain knowledge and understanding, to hone my skills, to live and enjoy the journey that is life.  As I've assessed the potential paths I may take, I've instinctually recoiled at certain experiences without an Owner to drive those moments between us.  As with His role, I've found some acts are sacred.

Of course protocols, permissions, other M/s-centric activities all naturally fall under "not available for casual play." What has been surprising are the number of basic, sexual, S&M, personal activities that I automatically also drop into that category as well.

I've created decent outlines of my goals and limits for my masochist and my Top, but those list don't quite highlight my boundaries the right way.  It feels critical for me to put into words my definition of...

Owner Privileges

Sexual/Kink
  • Kissing (Is french kissing still the proper terminology?  Or am I dating myself??? lol)
  • Fluid-bonding
  • Receiving anal intercourse
  • Being shared with others
  • Kneeling/bowing
  • "Sir"
  • Watersports
  • Collar/leash
  • Punishment
  • Serious/deep HDO
Personal
Note:  Long known and trusted friends are not included in these boundaries.
  • Sleeping (me)
  • Sharing my personal space/home
  • Meeting family

I feel like I'm missing others, but at least this is a start of a clearer line of demarcation as I continue my journey forward, exploring my needs, wants, and desires.

Regardless of the direction I take, it is my job to value and protect my submission while I wait for an Owner.  Engaging in some of these activities without the protective framework of M/s to cushion the blow would likely cause significant recoil in negative energy.  I'm tough.  I'm sure I'd recover.  However, in my mind and heart, I continue to hold a place of Honor for my someday Owner, and it is only natural to extend that Honor to physical acts as well.
~DominaKat

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