In Tatters

I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply

A Stray Kat Seeks Sanctuary

A portion of Henri Rousseau's The Dream 1910 hanging at MoMA.
To have an Owner is to have a Home.  Maybe not a literal domicile/location/permanent residence, but a mental and emotional Home— a base of safety from the harsh struggles of the day.   That warm strong body of protection to rest under...for even just a moment.  A solid anchor where at least a small bit of life is grounded and firm.

Even a Lioness needs to rest once and awhile from life's hunts.   Even a Lioness needs a sanctuary from unexpected storms.  A protector as she heals from the cut of an unseen spear.

I haven't had a Home in many, many years now, and 99.9% of the time I'm ambivalent even appreciative of my gypsy status as I fearlessly prowl for experiences which will feed my soul.  But not tonight.

While I've found a general base in my community, I'm still just a stray Kat.  Tonight I wish I had a sanctuary.  No words are needed.  I can't find them.  No leading required.  I couldn't follow it.  Tonight, as the storms rake across the NYC skyline, I simply wish I could lay my head on my Owner's thigh and know that I wasn't alone for the moment.  That I could rest my soul at His feet while I forget cruel fates and tragically lost opportunities.   Even though I reach endlessly for positive, the world is not always in alignment.

Be kind to one another.  Sometimes you only get one chance.
~DominaKat

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