Calm the Lioness

I didn't kink last night.  Despite two of my favorite presenters and a topic I'm still curious to explore, I looked at the NYC skyline, the cramped streets, and the endless rain, and I chose the uptown track to carry my home.

I didn't kink tonight.  Too leary of wacky icky energy of strange ones, couples with their own focused agenda, and Times Square on a hot sticky night, I avoided another preferred event.  I just didn't have it in me to sift through chaos to find positive crumbs, so I met a friend and talked 1:1 kink for two hours.

My choices weren't born of a need to preserve my strength.  I'm almost vibrating with the need to move, an echo of my pacing lioness.

My choices were about a need to shield myself from unnecessary aggravation, and if you've never hit Times Square between 5 and 6 pm or spent a rainy evening on New York City streets, at best it can be one hassle after another as everyone fights to avoid the misery of a wet, humid, icky rush hour commute.  At worst, it's negotiating a waterfall of flooding down slippery metal stairs waiting for a train that refuses to arrive because there's not any other option to get from A to B.  Every taxi in the city has a fare.

My decisions mirror the changes I need to make in my life at the moment.  I can't undo what's been done nor will I dwell in the unfairness or ugliness that landed at my feet.  It's done.  Time to move forward.

My immediate focus is how to calm my lioness.

1.  Streamline.  I've spent too much energy on many things that feed me very little.  I've gotten much, much better at distancing myself from people, places, and events that cost me, but I need to be even more...selective right now.  My calendar is too crowded with fluff when I would be better served simply catching up on blog posts or working on that hot sexy novel that has plagued my daydreams for the last eight months.

2.  Re-center.  Last year around this time, I went through a similar disruption caused by negative energy.  Instead of fighting, I danced and sought a deeper level of spirituality.  Both served me well, in grounding myself back on solid ground.  I need to bring back those fundamentals.

3.  Write.  As I said in 1, I have more blog posts to catch up on and thoughts to unravel than I even know what to do with.  Those novels won't finish themselves either.  The product of my writings will far outweigh ideal chit chat and $18 glasses of wine or $10 for a hard uncomfortable class seat that will only give me two bullet points of new information.

4.  Read.  For the first time in my life, I'm reading multiple books on various different subjects.  Some e-books.  Some nice, beautiful, tangible paper pages.  The new knowledge I crave to devour is there, simply waiting to be consumed, and I don't have to fight off creepy energy to feel full.

Notice...not a single pieces of my plan revolves around changing my relationship status.  Yes, I am unowned.  Yes, that affects many, many elements of my soul and limits the opportunities I can pursue in my journey through the dark.  Yes, it seriously sucks at times.

I'm okay with those consequences.  Why?  Can you name one person you know who is happy in looking for a partner?  No, seriously.  Stop.  Think about that.  Let me know.  Because anyone in my life I've ever watched try to chase down their mythical Mr. Domly Dom or vanilla Mr. Right has found themselves angry, bitter, depressed, and even neurotic in the process.  No, fucking thank you.  I have no desire or interest in stepping onto the line of conveyor belt dating algorithms to swipe left or right or smile or poke or flirt or whateverthefuck consitutents acknowledgement of visual interest, which doesn't guarantee shit as far as energy connections.

Naaaaaa...I'll go about my business doing what I do.  You can't find happiness in someone else.  You have to find it first within yourself.  If I'm luck, then somewhere along the way, maybe a special Lion—who has the time, energy, and determination—will choose to step in my path because he sees Me, appreciates what is there, and is brave enough to want to run with a lioness.

Peace and love begins from within.  Find yours.  I'll be busy working on mine.
~DominaKat