Faith Arisen

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“…She is MINE.” I stood stunned. THAT moment—the force of His words, His tone, His expression, His unapologetic lack of deference to polite societal vanilla norms—is forever branded on my soul. I’d never heard Him say those words to anyone. I’ve never heard anyone say those words. Not about me. Even when someone spoke those words about another, it never sounded like THAT. His fierce, unwavering conviction and open Claim of me was absolute. An irrevocable Law that anyone in His orbit must understand, accept, and Honor. For months, His stoic logic and reason have been moving some of the most fundamental tectonic plates of me. These words weren’t analytical. These words didn’t speak to my mind. They bypassed the analytical and struck the fault lines of my soul.  They called to my lioness. In that moment, she heard and saw the Primal Man roar His inherent Dominance and Authority over me, and His primal Claim set off a seismic shift that began with her instinctive and visceral surr...
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When a Sleeping Lioness is Poked

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It's been an odd few weeks...outing myself to a distance acquaintance against my better judgement, my slave self making a spontaneous appearance in an unhealthy situation, a heartbreaking confession, a confrontation with a bully who escalated dumb shit to put his hands on me and ended up on the floor for it, a non-consenting witness to group therapy.  I've racked up a fair share of negative encounters in a short amount of time.  None of them earth shattering or world-changing by any means.  I'm just not at my best.  All of it has left my energy in a funk that I'm not sure how to dissipate.

My Lioness is wide awake after having been in a coma for much of the last year, and it wasn't passion and sexiness that woke her.  She definitely rolled off the wrong side of the bed from all the pokes and prods.  She's not angry, but she is annoyed and watchful.  Her claws are unsheathed.  She paces.

I know I am well equipped to handle almost anything that comes my way.  I'm strong.  I'm fierce.  I'm competent.  However, that doesn't give anyone the right to take advantage of my kindness or swing at me because I can take it.

While my circle is growing, I need to be ever cognizant that few have my best interest at heart.  Fewer still have skin in the game and are willing to protect me.  Yes, cheerleaders are absolutely appreciated, but even the best quarterback can't win a game without a defensive line.

Hmmmm...Maybe that's adding to the icky energy I'm carrying.  Each challenging encounter has forced me to face the reality that I am unowned—that no one protects me or even gives me a place to curl up when I'm weary.  I've done a helluva job over the last few years taking care of myself.  Maybe...I'm just a tired at the moment.  Not everything can be/could have been avoided.  Though, maybe it's time for me to be more selective (~cough~...in control) of my environment.

A good plan going forward but it doesn't provide me an answer for how to clear out this unsettled energy.  My Lioness doesn't have to go back to her coma.  I'd just appreciate it if she'd stop the incessant pacing.  ~sigh~  I'll start with a circle and burning sage tonight.  If that doesn't help, maybe a good ass whooping would.
~DominaKat

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