In a spacious room outside of Youngstown, exhausted and momentarily paused on my way to to my hometown for the holidays, I find myself suspended between multiple worlds, multiple lives, multiple realities. A strange yet insightful place.
I haven't been alone in a hotel room since returning to "unowned" status. The couple of times I've had a room were stuffed with people and schedules and events. Whether it's the exhaustion dogging my body and mind or the scent of the room or the feel of the sheets against my naked flesh, I don't know, but my whore...she stirs. I ache for the warmth of skin against my skin, the weight of a Man pushing me into the mattress, the all-consuming burn of passion and need and fire and darkness. ~sigh~
Being alone is nothing new to me. It's my security blanket. I can exist simply in the moment without anyone else's roles, expectations, needs, or wants influencing my course. I can be in my truth whatever that might be at the time.
My "unowned" status nags at me tonight. It would only take a head nod in one of the social spots downstairs to have enthusiastic company of one or several. None of those options even tempt me. I am not lonely. I do, however, miss that firm weighty presence of a Dominant Owner.
I miss...
....a Sir's concern for my well-being.
...the comfort of a Sir's protective watch.
...a Sir's vested interest in my decision making.
...the grounding a Sir's presence holds in my life.
...the fulfillment of service to a Sir.
I miss...
...being missed and wanted as woman.
...a Sir's tight fist in my hair, demanding my talents.
...feeling I am what my Sir craves to sate His soul.
...a Sir buried so deep in my body that He consumes me.
...our energy combining to create that deep sacred power.
As I said...I am between my various worlds, lives, and realities, and in this haze a piece of me that has long been unseen and unfelt somehow rises to the surface. Tomorrow, in the chaos of plans, family, and demands, these aches will likely fade once again. A blessing that.
Tonight...I'll simply be suspended.
~DominaKat
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