In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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The Stillness of a Lioness

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{sigh} I've finally lifted my head above the water and caught my breath.  After months of swimming with chaotic tides and focusing so tightly on the tasks I had in front of me, I finally have the bandwidth to see, feel, be.

I am restless tonight.

I ache to quench a thirst I can not name even as I lack the desire to drink.

Logic and knowledge nag me of a dozen things I am long overdue to have in my life.  Love.  Passion.  Desire.  Touch.  Sex.  Pain.  Dominance.  Submission.  Orgasms.  Intimacy.  Service.  Surrender.  Yet my Lioness remains unstirred for any of it.  Not even a whisker twitch of curiosity disturbs her stillness.

Maybe I've trained myself too well.  Do not want what you can not have.  Let go of the ache, so that it won't dictate my direction.  Lessons force fed from the cruelest of fates again and again.

I know...I'm still working on slowing down after such a long, brutal pace.  There is an impatient viciousness to cut off anything that does not immediately serve a purpose and serve my journey.  Even these words.

I know...I need to embrace the moment.  Come back to my Lioness and be one with her again.  Accept her as she is for there is no reasoning with a primal self.  Instincts are the only thing that mean anything to her.

For now...her and I will listen to the night.  The time will come again someday to run.

Maybe.
~DominaKat

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