In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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My Inherent Search for Power Exchange

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I'm not going to bullshit.  The desire right now to be well and truly Owned by an M-type who is stronger, smarter, more capable than me is visceral.

Don't get me wrong.  It isn't overwhelming or crippling.  I continue to stand fucking STRONG in the face of this tsunami that has flooded NYC.  I am blessedly still working, and as soon as my day is done I start the work/effort of supporting the community I love so much however I can.

Of course throughout the day I also handle a myriad of tasks.  I stay informed as much as I can on the status of all the things by catching Cuomo's press conference, scrolling the news feeds, and reading the emergency notifications.  I dash out every few days for a super quick trip to the store to replenish essentials and to stretch my legs so used to eating up two miles of the concrete jungle a day.  Most of all, I virtually connect with friends and family in an endless warm loop of love, concern, compassion, and support.  I eat.  I exercise.  I meditate.

However, when the absolute eerie quiet of the night overtakes this vibrant city that never used to sleep, that whisper...that tug...that unspoken unacknowledged need deep in my soul for strong arms of a Man I believe in to wrap Himself around me stalks my spirit.

Tonight I confront my Truth.  Yes, I see it.  It's there.  No matter how capable, confident, productive, FIERCE I am...my lioness seeks and will always seek her Lion to lay beside.  To rest in the Security of His Protection.  To lean in to my Trust in His Leadership.

Until that day when He comes into my Life, my lioness will guard her own small pride to the best of her ability, experience the world, and fight the fight with her head up, her mind sharp, and her claws ready to draw blood.

Be safe.  Be well.  Stay strong.
~DominaKat

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