In Tatters

I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply

Conferences Make Me...

At about the 15 minute mark of the first session of the Flame Conference yesterday. I absentmindedly shifted in my chair as I sipped my DIY mocha with instant coffee and ready whip.  (Suffering is real!) I listened to the speaker, scanned the slides, scribbled copious notes in my purple book most of you have seen in my lap.  Then my subconscious started knocking at my conscious...
Subconscious | ~knock knock~ Bitch, you paying attention???
Conscious | ~shifted in chair~  Huh? ~sips chocolate, coffee, cream~
Subconscious | GURL!  Has it really been that long that you don't even know what's up?
Conscious | What's up?  Where?  What?  Is there a fire?" ~sniff~  Has the apocalypse started?  ~listens~
{pigeon sounds}
Subconscious | ~groan!~
Conscious | Whaaaa...I'm in a conference session.  What is the issue?!?  ~shifts in chair~  Wait....oh shit!
Subconscious | Yeeeeessss, bitch...yeeeesssssssss!
Conscious | ~shifts in chair~  Huh... ~rubs thighs together~  DAMN!
Subconscious | SMH.  I'm done with you.  Have fun.
Conscious | ~rubs temple~  Bitch...what did you do this for?!?
{silence} 
I'd forgotten.

Conferences make me wet.  It's literally been 5 years since I've gone to a professional conference and apparently virtual kink conferences are no different.

In my late twenties, vanilla life sent me to numerous tech conferences a year.  Regardless of whether I was an attendee or presenting, without fail my sex drive would inadvertently slam into high gear.  I mean HIGH!  Some keynotes I'd be damn near panting.  Casual sex has rarely been my thing, so I wasn't connecting with anyone.  Hell...when I'm at a conference my focus is entirely on learning the new things!  No one would ever have called me a party girl by any means...well except for that MAX conference in New Orleans one Halloween.  ~wicked grin~

Despite no primary/obvious spark...despite no tangible physical, mental, or emotional engagement...my body would hunger to be fed.

What's interesting is that in my thirties, I'd shifted professionally and ended up running trade show booths at tech conferences.  Those grueling week-ish events never stirred my sex drive, so maybe it's the shift into full on intellectual headspace (that requires no responsibility as opposed to higher education) that allows my most core traits to seep up to the surface.

Yet...there's a surreal disconnect.  My body is ready, but my emotions and my mind are detached.  I've only ever had that same experience one other time.  My body sensed shit, my emotions and mind hadn't yet understood.  ~sigh~

Regardless...this weekend was a bit masochistic to say the least.  And not the fun kind.
~DominaKat


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