The Comet of Lamar & Me

The post triggered a shock of sadness and flood of beautiful fond memories.  Maybe I should have shrugged off the news.  It had all been so long ago, but the long-buried visions continued to chase me.  I soon gave up any semblance of trying to be in the present and sank into the need to rewind my mental photo album and the book of my life to lose myself in days past but never forgotten.

We first crossed paths during a mutual friend's misadventures on a night much like tonight.  The frantic specks of snow danced in front of the car's headlights as the cold quickly seeped into our bones.  We were bundled up and stuffed into my little two-door Capri to spend miles searching in vain for the friend's somewhat stolen car.  He and I turned out to be the calm, strategic ones in the midst of minor chaos.  Nothing is sexier than a man in control of himself, handling a situation.  I was intrigued and so was my pussy. 

We were young.  I was back in my hometown looking for direction after walking away from of the disappointing silliness that was campus life.  He was a few years older, on leave from foreign lands and socially-hostile cultures.  Half a night and a failed rescue attempt later, we parted ways.  I'd barely gotten home and warmed up when his invite had me braving the winter night again.  That was how we began, simply by chance.  Funny how so many of my best life stories start off because of random events.

It went unsaid.  We were never meant for more.  We both knew that from jump.  Maybe I should have struggled at least a bit against those boundaries somehow, but embracing the reality of our limits felt as natural to me as mini-skirts, mousse, and flipping cassettes while shifting gears.  Those clearly defined, agreed upon parameters were a blessing, offering us each a freedom of mind, body, and spirit impossible with new relationships, burdened by the weight of expectations, hopes, and unknown potential.  

There were no promises.

There were no maybes.

There were no what-ifs.  Wait...there was that one slip when he spoke words he shouldn't have the last night we ever saw, touched, tasted one other, but we both knew nothing could stop what would be.

There was only our present.  That day.  That night.  That moment.

Within those confines, we thrived.

We shared laughter, ideas, music, experiences, and deep slices of ourselves between earth-shattering rounds of searing passion.  Our hearts—while kind, caring, affectionate, and appreciative—never engaged in the risky nauseating rollercoaster of being head-over-heels in love.  Make no mistake...we loved, but it was a different type of love, one born of shared experiences and joy and I'm glad you are here and oh yeah...greedy fucking lust.  Our sole desire was to enjoy one another during the days/weeks we had.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  In a time before the Internet and social media and instant messages, there weren't other options.  (Things were so much simpler then.)

He was many things...

My first lover as an independent single woman rather than someone's girl.  

My first truly adult dynamic.  

My first temporary affair.  

My first selfish, intentional sexual indulgence of lust.

On two separate trips spanning almost two years, we rode the fiery comet we created through long nights of tangled limbs and little sleep.  The heat between us was fucking effortless.  No doubt.  No hesitation.  No regret.  A rare mutual intense seduction between two fiercely sexual creatures intent on feasting from one another's unquenchable desire the other.  Once our fire sparked it exponentially grew and deepened.  There...in his arms, under him, on top of him...laughing, talking, dancing, fucking, clenching and pumping his hard shaft...I glimpsed the first shadow of a truth I had yet to face let alone dare to define. 

Though we recognized then that our explosive chemistry was unlike anything either of us had previously shared, it wasn't until decades later that I understood what we'd found in the astral cloud of dust, rock, and ice that was us.  He'd been the first to tap into my shameless, inherent dark nature and savage sexual energy.

The precious few (relationships) who'd come before him had held a feisty house cat in comparison.  While I'd been so open to discover more, only one had led me anywhere past the basics of sex, and often either a lack of inspiration or a fear of falling off the pedestal my partners expected me to perch on kept me from pushing for further sexual exploration.  My attempts to satisfy the visceral yet intangible longing for more simply translated into fucking my partner multiple times a date...no small feat when overnights weren't options.  Damn...there was so much car sex in those days!  No cameras phones! lol

With Lamar there was no foolish pedestals nor did I need to search for inspiration.  His mere touch was a catalyst.  A raw power I'd been born to harness surged within my veins, inside my cunt, and through my very soul.  He understood better than I what I was.  I acted on instinct alone and took as much as I gave, demanded as much as I surrendered.  He'd discovered my hidden Lioness, an unknown force that had yet to realize her full potential, her complicated existence in all facets of my life, or the depths of her primal nature.  An evolution had begun physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. 

I was never the same.  

~sigh~ I could fill another dozen pages of narrative details about the various ways I was different, but this post isn't about the post-event chain reactions.  These words are to honor the rare magic of a short-term connection that becomes so much more than time and its individual pieces.  That kind of potent magic changes the very direction of the lives it touches. 

The Comet of Lamar and Me was a blink of an eye in the course of a lifetime, yet the brilliant parade of sparkling stardust that was us is still firmly imprinted in the path of the journey I've taken.  Precious memories and the difference we've made to others are how we go on long after our souls have returned to our ancestors.  Today matters as it leads to tomorrow.  What we do with one another matters because our actions ripple through lives and lifetimes.  Looking back...I was so very blessed to have had such an amazing experience with such a beautiful soul.  Baby, I am so glad I stayed for little while.

And so...Rest easy, Lamar.  Know that I still carry the magic and stardust we created and that I am deeply grateful for the time we had together once upon a time.  I will forever treasure the days and nights we shared and the invaluable lessons you offered the young woman I was so long ago.  May your final steps in this life be surrounded by a wealth of family, of light, of love, of kindness, and most of all of peace.  

Love,

~Kat