Series | TES Fest 2022
Essay #2 | Connecting & RE-Connecting to Kink/Leather Humanity
I had planned to leave at Noon, but to be perfectly honest, Thursday morning I was completely unmotivated to go to TES Fest. I was sick of fucking packing the ridiculous amount of things needed for a con, the commute was going to suck ass as I had to traverse at least THREE boroughs before I'd just get to Jersey, and quite honestly the thought of hanging around 500+ people held zero appeal.
Despite my extroverted ways in NYC during the three years prior to the pandemic, I am a natural introvert. Passions and curiosity drive me to extrovert. However when it comes to the Lifestyle, I'm less curious after 12 years in and traveling many miles on my journey. Plus my demisexual nature combined with my current solo journey has left my internal passion in a state of cold embers. More classes with no significant other to practice with held no interest...zilch, nada, NONE.
Then there's the post-pandemic recovery aspect. I hadn't been around more than 50 people in the last 2 1/2 years unless you count traversing LGA's airport terminal over the holidays with strangers who only share your frustrations with airlines and the struggle with overpacked luggage. I'm still doing my best to avoid COVID given various people and plans in my life, but TES had adopted a stronger precautions than most Leather/Link cons, so I wasn't as concerned, especially given the courtyard and that I'd have a room to retreat to if things felt germy.
However, the access to the outdoors and my own space didn't quite alleviate my "new normal" distrust for humanity. ~sigh~ I've blogged about it before, but watching how so many folks moved even when the consequences were people literally at risk of dying left me shocked, horrified, and cautious as fuck. If folks won't take precautions for their immuno-compromised family members, there's no chance they'd be respectful of my safety and well-being. On top of my very cynical perspective on humanity, we're all now living with fucked up crime rates, random acts of violence, and almost daily full-fledged slaughter. Yeah...I'm just not much into fucking peopling with strangers anymore. "(
But I'd committed to being a part of several classes. I'd committed to friends. I'd invested a decent chunk of change. Soooo...
I eventually finished packing and commuted through the battlefield of construction in the Bronx, the gridlock of Queens and deserted roadways of a pre-holiday Midtown Manhattan to arrive 3 hours later at 8pm tired, hungry, and pleasantly surprised that the hotel was so quiet. The relief was immense. I had no spoons to cope with a line for a room or the chaos of a horde of noisy overly excited kinksters.
The long slightly messy registration table was the only visual sign I was in the right place. Well...there was also the couple in front of me to check in—an M/s couple I think very highly of and hadn't seen in at least 3 damn years. Behind my trusty face mask, I smiled bright for the first time all day. It's that smile that New Yorkers understand well that says...I'm so glad to see you, that you're okay, that you're fucking alive.
As I have many times before, I swallowed the odd gush of relief at seeing folks I don't even know last names of and exchanged general chit-chat. Within moments it somehow no longer seemed like years. They were still them, I was still me, and a bit of joy flickered for the first time in months about the possibilities of TES Fest. I needed that gentle re-entry point emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Over the course of the first 36 hours of TES Fest, that moment happened again and again as I RE-connected with dozens of Leather & Kinky folks I'd engaged with prior to the pandemic. Tight, fierce hugs were shared, cheek kisses, warm skin on skin, voices in my ear telling my how good it was to see me as I echoed the same sentiment. In a heartbeat, our easy rapport picked up exactly where it left off in March of 2020.
Then there were the in-person connections and RE-connections with Zoomers—the folks we've gotten to know over the many, many, MANY Lifestyle Zooms. More hugs as we finally see each other again in person. The difference was the pure humanity of those moments—seeing the whole person rather than the narrow Hollywood Squares view focused on the topic, goal, or project we share. I was long overdue for that multi-dimensional refresh, and the humans behind the technology.
As the weekend progressed, small new connections sparked. Conversations during smoke breaks, ohh's and ahh's on attire, unprompted conversations over food, in the hallways, courtyard, classes where strangers and those I barely knew reached out to me to express their appreciation for words/opinions I'd shared on a panel or unexpected compliments after watching me Top or walk into room/area or for my tool collection or my outfit. Again and again, I was humbled by the overwhelming positive energy that came my way from both those I knew and those I didn't (yet).
Somewhere in those 3+ days of TES Fest, as laughter and joy began to flood my long empty cup, the cool, distant isolation that's surrounded me for much of the last few years finally thawed, and I RE-connected again to the benefits, pleasures, and beauty of Humanity.
I needed that more than I fucking realized. Thank you to all who helped ease me back into things again. You'll never know what a difference you made to my weekend.
~DominaKat
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