After spending years (pandemic) getting seriously reacquainted with my Introvert and enabling my Service Whore to over-extend herself beyond fucking reason, I'm trying to reconnect to the mysterious art of peopling.
I had no choice but to face up to the reality that my peopling skills are rusty as fuck when at SPLF I was stunned into confused silence from a basic personal question during a first in-person intro. If they had asked about any number of service projects or classes, I could have easily rattled off dialog. But a simple, polite "You fascinate me. Tell me about yourself," slammed my thought processes from Fourth into Reverse, grinding gears and causing significant damage to my mental transmission. Later reflection...I need to practice more personal engagements.
It's time to transition fully outta Pandemic Mode and feed other pieces of me besides my Introvert and Service Whore. Note: Introvert resents and rebels against this effort with almost every step.
With recommendations, advice, and unanimous encouragement from my personal Board of Directors, I downloaded a supposedly Lifestyle-friendly dating app two weeks ago. My adventure has begun, despite my Introvert's incessant eye rolls eyes and pouts of disgust.
*** Initial lessons/insights...
"Lifestyle-Friendly"
The fucking fuck it is. Being able to select a few circles that say kinky, BDSM, Dominant, or submissive, does NOT make anything Lifestyle Friendly if the circle clickers have ZERO knowledge or experience of basic Lifestyle principles and tactics of said topics. Much to my deep annoyance and mild trauma, my phat Leather BDSM-centered ass has been dumped unceremoniously into the bland, uneducated, vanilla world of shame, insecurity, utter confusion, and tragic lack of knowledge. "Lifestyle-Adjacent" is putting it kindly and very graciously.
Almost everyone considers themselves some sort of Poly. Whether that is ethical feels skeptical at best. Many are fully entrenched in the Swinging scene thinking they're doing something risqué. ~HUGE HEADACHE-INDUCING EYE ROLL~ No offense to the committed swingers out there!!! Swinging is by no means outside of my comfort zone, depending on partner and negotiations. However, vanilla sex with multiple people is like spending all day every trip riding the first roller coaster inside the park of Kink Amusement World. Like...that's the only ride you've ridden? And you've been coming here for how many years??? ~head scratch~
For 90% of these folks BDSM equals Spencer Gifts purchases of vibrators, anal plugs, and furry pink handcuffs. While I do not feel in danger, I definitely don't feel safe as I wouldn't hand over a simple flogger and turn my back to 99.999% of these folks. Most of them would hurt themselves or just rub their parts with it. SMH
BEFORE I GET A LECTURE...I am not hating on folks. I'm stating facts and preparing anyone else who may attempt a similar step for reality. This is NOT like engaging with others in the scene where we (likely) share common general frameworks of consent, negotiations, and practices. I've had to take a mile of steps back and approach "potential matches" with kid gloves and an attitude of gentle introduction or eduction. Again...more practice at peopling.
Introvert | Are we done here yet?
Existential Questions
In 99.9% of my engagements so far, my Lioness' ears perk. Prey. Especially the dommie fuck boys, who are seen through her eyes as lunch time snacks for her objectification, sadism, and selfish entertainment. We could hunt those fools everyday all day and never run out of new potential victims. However, even my Lioness knows that snacks will not sustain us.
The real challenge is when the fake doms (in complete denial about their submissiveness) or the wannabe doms, who mistakenly dare to try and indicate—without a single sign of consent or negotiation from me—that my place is below them. That shit bring out my Lioness' claws. The drive to Top, Dominate, and Conquer is a fucking visceral instinct so pure and strong that it's all I can do to keep her focus. The demand for Top Space leaves me dizzy at times and has me questioning whether or not I even HAVE a right side of the slash anymore.
The lack of competent, high-functioning, male Dominant energy in the Lifestyle Scene is tangible to almost every sub I know and why I'm even on this damn app in the first place. Yep, I'm THAT bitch. I just said that shit out loud, in print, on screen. Bite me if you're offended and feel free to lobe the same ole lame criticism I've been hearing for a decade.
Yes, I am fully aware, OWN, EMBRACE, and find fucking PRIDE in the fact that I am TOO INDEPENDENT to be a your slave, submissive, property. I am a Lioness looking for a Lion. The critics should stick to their kitchen full of tame domesticated house cats that they feel masterly mastering and mind their business with things they can't comprehend. Unless of course they feel a conversation could be beneficial, then by all means they should reach out to me and explain what I'm doing wrong. I look forward to the discussion. ~lioness licks lips~ I haven't been fed properly in a while.
But back to my point...while there is currently no one who has earned my surrender, that does NOT mean that part of my doesn't exist or that my journey does not continue. If growing my Top, nurturing my Sadistic Monster, and letting my Lioness hunt are my only options, let's get this party started. ~swipes right~
*** End initial lessons/insights...
Hmmmmm...I'm not sure if this process will reintroduce me to the Art of Peopling. I seem to have lost some of my civility in the last few years.
Fuck it. Let the chaos reign.
~DominaKat
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