Spontaneous Serendipity

My Saturday did NOT go as I expected at ALL.  A whole lot of never ever coulda been planned spontaneous serendipity manifested that resulted in even MORE of DominaKat’s rules of order being broken and breaking open of multiple shoeboxes.  Fuck me...How the hell are these disorderly events becoming a THING?!?  ~whimper~  It was messy and beautiful and stomach lurching and thrilling and ended in a rituals of reverence that stole my breath away once again.

The Universe is definitely demonstrating Her power and yes...some twisted Sadism. lol  As I watched Her simultaneously converge, in literally minutes and from multiple directions, various key stars in my sky, my vision may have swam.  I wasn’t fuckin prepared for any of it, which is also starting to feel like another damn theme in my life of late, but I trusted, gave in, and surrendered again to Her will.  What was meant to be was gonna be, regardless of my comfortability.  She has taken a very firm hand with me the last couple of months, and I'm doing my best to lean in where and when she says.  

However, it did take me most of Sunday for the drunken energy overdose to fade.  

~A first ever impromptu subcommittee meeting of my personal Board of Directors.  As I suspected, they weren't easy on me.  The CNC—or maybe NC?—co-topping mindfuck began before menus were picked up off the worn formica table, and it quickly evolved—DEvolved?—into more of a mental and emotional gangbang, with me spread eagle trying to take it with some bit of grace.  Though I think I just looked more dazed and confused.  These folks know me damn near inside and out, so the roasting was thorough and deep.  I lost count of how many times my brain tires skidded in the twists and turns.  After all that talking/friendly hell, I am fully convinced I NEVER EVER EVERRRRR want the FULL Board of Directors to fucking meet.  I'm not sure I'd survive let alone recover.

~Circumstantial sharing of space.  Well, thank the fuck I cleaned in the morning while waiting for the very delayed originally planned morning connect.  Those in my inner circle KNOW I don't share my personal private space easily.  Very very few have been in my current NYC sanctuary over the last 7 years.  I guard it viciously.  I wasn't much better before I got to NYC.  Less than a half dozen folks were ever allowed a glimpse at The Fortress of Solitude.  Anyone granted access understand that my trust in them runs bone fuckin deep, so after the initial hurdle of my usual disclaimer, I once again gave in to The Universe.  She left me no other option, which is typically how she has to force me to do what she needs me to do.  I was on a tight timeline with few viable options to make a minor logistical miracle happen, so suddenly without any preparation I found my tiny space occupied with not just one but two guests.  Though I shocked myself at how quickly I quit caring about anyone seeing me fresh out of the shower, hair a sopping mess.  

~Oh yes...a planned scene rescheduled to another date to accommodate my schedule shift.  But hey...why should all of those laid out Implements of Destruction and Oblivion go unused???  There's a reason my phenomenal peeps and I get along so well...we do NOT fuckin waste opportunities or The Universe's blessings.  In under a minute, the sounds of a body taking strikes and a masochist's nervous yet delighted laughter filled my tiny sanctuary.  It was music to my ears!  Hehehehe As dragontails, canes, crops, and who knows what the fuck else were zipping through the air and landing with wicked accuracy, I was scrambling between the live action S&M to dry my hair, apply light makeup, and pack my shit to fly to the complete opposite end of NYC.  However, I did somehow manage to grab a few phenomenal moments of Co-Topping that I will never fucking forget.  Mwahhhhahahahahaaaaa!!!  I fucking LOVE canes and lining up some lines!  ~WHEW~

~A first Energy Feeding...time and breaths stopped with that first lick and sinking of teeth into foreign flesh.  A wrist, an offering, a giving.  An acceptance, a tongue, lips, teeth.  A bite, a taking, a pull.  Another bite, a sharing, an exchange, a settling.  Yes...this is how we build and amplify our bonds.

~In under an hour we tumbled out of my sanctuary with laughter and chaos in our wake, buzzing from our shared experience.  A parking ticket by less than a minute, a missed train, a mad dash across boroughs entwined with rich conversation, shared hopes and dreams, and debated possibilities...all to hand me over safely in one piece to another.  The anxiety of more shoeboxes broken open (even if just for a moment) was lost in my gratitude for arriving at exactly the same time as my original train and my joy in being a part of such an amazing, beautiful tribe of people and the phenomenal moments we create.  Leather Family, true friendship, and love is not realized in a class or at a bar night or in the showing out at a dungeon.  Those bonds are built in the messiness and chaos of life, the vulnerability and truth tellings, the relishing of our moments together, the valuing of our humanity, and the showing up, giving, and sharing with one another.  I'm so very fuckin blessed.

~Then...I was allowed the opportunity to serve.  ~sigh~  To give, to care for, to respect, to honor, to revere.  Despite the wealth of joy and fun and thrill of earlier in the day, it was in the quiet vanilla acts of service where I found the most peace.  Instead of the Lioness or the Sadist or the whore or V12 or the masochist or Alfred or the property...I was just Kat.  With all my strengths and all my flaws.  Giving my best in the moment, hoping my efforts made some small difference to Him.  Nothing else mattered.  When I spoke to another of my BoDs today, she commented, "It's good to see you be human.  I've never seen that in all the years I've known you."  Her words forced me to take a hard look at my past.  The truth is few allow me the safe space to be human.  Folks value the personality(ies) that appeal most to their ego or threatened it the least.  The rest is useless or a bother or even a drawback.  I've never met a Man who could inspire let alone accept all that I am.  Well...maybe...we'll see?

Huh.  I may need a bit more time to recover from this weekend after all.  

As the words I've written cured, I can't help but acknowledge all the ways I'm allowing myself to be utterly vulnerable.  In the moment, I'm defiant and fearless and trusting The Universe, but in the quiet space between these sentences, I'm...uncomfortable.  I'm letting my guard down to those who matter most to me, who I respect, who I love or maybe might someday love.  I'm allowing them to see my truest messiness.  They are watching as I choose paths with unfamiliar landscapes where I inevitably stumble or lose my balance.  Their potential rejection or witness to my potential failures makes me fight with the urge to rebuild and reinforce all of my shoeboxes.  

But that's impossible.  Their contents are scattered and blending together a piece or two at a time.  Maybe that's why The Universe keeps leaving me no options...the more boxes broken, the more all of Kat is seen and hopefully...valued, protected, and loved.

~sigh~

Simply surrendering to The Universe and all the signs she has offered me.  She will lead me where I am meant to be. 

~DominaKat