In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Reflection & a New Path

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SPLF 23 represented a abrupt shift in my journey.  I wasn't prepared to be seen, to be acknowledged in the sea of humanity, to be wrapped in tight hugs. let alone be fiercely protected and held firmly side-by-side.  I was both deeply humbled and profoundly honored.  Many times.

Those five days in Dallas moved me and pushed me on another new path of transformation.

After years of pandemic coping that focused only on areas in my life I could evolve, I remembered I had a heart.

And...After years of watching how individuals moved/did not move, stood/did not stand, built/attempted to destroy, were 100% authentic/fakers of funk, driven by idealistic goals/greedy self-promotion, I realized I needed fucking space to breathe.

Since the Spring, I've been reevaluating how I move, what I give, when I should engage, where I need to be, and who I directly or indirectly offer my co-signature.  I've taken many healthy steps to create a more positive environment for myself and connected in long conversations with those I trust most to determine my best way forward.

On the unanimous advice from my personal Board of Directors and my wholehearted agreement:  As a part of my Service Whore Recovery process, Alfred is officially on sabbatical until Fall 2024 with the following exceptions: 

  1. Teaching classes/participating on panels for topics that personally resonate deeply.
  2. Personal negotiated service to those in my inner circle who have proven their willingness to co-invest in my well-being and demonstrated an instinct to protect me when needed.
It's long past time I focused solely on who and what also fills my cup.  Meaningful intentional reciprocity is a clear signal of being valued and respected.  I gave too much and didn't always get much in return.  Now I need to rebuild and fiercely protect my energy.  I don't have shit to prove to any fucking one.
~DominaKat

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