I was discussing...ehhh...maybe more like light debating the value and challenges that may arise in having a personal Board of Directors while exploring Authority Transfer. It was a fascinating conversation.
However, this morning I found a point I didn't have at the time.
A single text. A simple sentence. Great news that brought me to my knees in tears and release from a worry I hadn't realized I still carried.
And there was no one to turn to.
In that moment, Kat wanted to surrender all her joy and relief to an Owner who would just gather her up, hold her, and stroke her hair, understanding the significance and all the compounded nuances from many different directions. I would have sobbed messy snot-bubble tears into His shirt and simply felt His unrelenting strength and compassion in return. Only He would see and have me in my truest form—completely raw, unfiltered, unguarded.
It's not that I won't absolutely share the great news with my Board of Directors at some point this week once I've fully collected myself. It's not that I couldn't have called any one of them and they would have welcomed the news and celebrated with me. It's simply that no matter how much they love, adore, and protect me, they are separate with their own lives and realities. There's this narrow but deep, deep chasm surrounding me that separates me from my Board of Directors, and only an Owner may someday choose to cross and hold permanent space in. I can cross that moat to get to my BoD if/when absolutely necessary, but it's an uncomfortable leap and only ever temporary because they don't live my reality and will always need to return their attention to their own within a few hours.
Maybe I've had the analogy wrong all this time. Maybe it's more, this amazing beautiful team are more fellow Lieutenants with their own platoons of life, who share with me advice and the experience of their own battles on their own fronts instead of a Board of Directors. And instead of searching for my CEO, I'm actually looking for my Captain, and together we'd be in the trenches of our battle with the world.
~sigh~ Thoughts for me to ponder and massage along with edits to make later. While I surrendered my tears, joy, and relief plus a wealth of profound gratitude to The Universe, blew my nose, and am about to return to the day's grind, the news will take a minute for the emotions of this new blessed reality to abate a bit.
~DominaKat
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