My lioness grew restless this evening. Within a couple of hours her agitation only amplified. I tried to acknowledge her wants, but I simply became more aware of her discomfort. I tried a little talk therapy. That wasn't enough either. I tried to find peace in sleep, but a nightmare only chased me down like a relentless dog. When I finally woke, I understood what I had to do.
I've learned when the energy shifts, however it shifts, I must trust it, flow with it. Let it lead me—physically, mentally, emotionally—wherever I am meant to go, so I may know or experience whatever deeper truth I am meant to find. To fight its current only makes shit harder and wastes time.
I must surrender to its demand.
Acknowledging her state wasn't enough. I needed to own her truth.
This...is me owning my truth.
This...is my surrender.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's been less than 18 hours since I was last in His arms, against His heat, the taste of His flesh on my tongue, the sound of His voice echoing in my heart and soul. Every visit to Him has sated me for days even weeks, and last night was phenomenal. He allowed me to serve—to worship Him—in so many ways. The energy was deep and pulsing and rich, and I was as drunk on Him and us I ever have been.
Yet, I am fuckin completely unreasonable about Him right now. I have burrowed myself in my cave and don’t want to talk, see, hear anyone or anything else. Even the thought of any outside intrusion makes me what to growl.
My Lioness simply fuckin wants Him near.
Now.
To feel His arms around me and find my center.
Or rest my head in His lap and purr.
Or next to Him, nestled against His heat.
Or lay at His feet in contented bliss.
His hand stroking my hair.
My hand in His.
My hands running all over His body.
I don’t want to talk.
I don’t want to do.
I don’t want to think.
Part of her wants peace.
To be.
The other part of her wants fuckin primal violence.
Ahh yes...to fuckin BE.
To be dragged unapologetically to Him.
Where and how He wants me.
To be pinned under Him.
The weight of His body holding me down.
His grip.
In my hair, controlling.
At the back of my neck, dominating.
Against my throat, seizing.
Fuck…
I need His fingerprints covering me.
His blessed teeth marks laying claim.
I want His stillness and calm.
I want His growls and spit and cum and piss.
My head on His chest as He sleeps.
His hands forcing my thighs to spread wide so He can take.
Cuddles under a blanket.
His dick pumping His nut into my hot lubed ass.
I want to rest with Him
I want to hurt for Him.
She just wants Him near and physical.
All of me just craves His scent, heat, touch… Him.
~whimper~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My lioness' simultaneous desire for comfort and consensual violence has me on edge and cranky as fuck. Though few would realize it, except by the hint of less patience than normal. Somehow I manage to keep her moodiness leashed and away from the world. I know agitation will ease at some point, but damn…If we were closer to one another I might just beg tonight.
In the meantime, I hope peaceful sleep comes for me, and I wake up in a different headspace. If not I may have to cage her and wait her out. Regardless, when I step back from my words and assess the bigger pattern...my truth is apparent.
With every step we take forward, my desire for Him simply continues to expand. My old strategies will not work. I will not be able to contain this...myself...Him...us. Whatever door He chooses to open, I will be there, even as I position myself to meet Him when/if He opens the next. There is no door I won't open for Him.
I have no guardrails or boundaries to keep me at a safe distance.
Shit. With that last sentence, the words of every content slave I've spoken with the last six years just reared up in my mind like a chorus of opera singers. Oh... yeah... I remember them all making comments like "no limits" and "whatever He wants." Apparently, despite our lack of any formal or informal agreement, at the moment my feet are no longer on the more cautious and reasonable side of the /s fence. ~sigh~
~DominaKat
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