My little girl is no longer tucked securely in her attic hideaway, where I’ve kept her locked for so many, many, many years.
He somehow freed her very early on. I hadn’t been at all prepared for her appearance when she burst back into my consciousness with mischievous smiles and delighted giggles I couldn’t contain for an impromptu shopping trip to Home Depot. She wanted to play with Him like a budding flower reaches for the taste of Sun in Spring.
Instead of fearing for her safety, I basked in her delight and joy. Her sudden arrival was an early sign that This Man was truly special.
But then life lifed, and she had no choice but to quietly retreat back to her room. There was no pouting or tears just a thread of sadness like a cold, rainy day had squashed her hopes of more time at the playground with Him. She has popped into my world unexpectedly now and then since, tempted by swings and/or a certain irresistible puppy, but her visits were always momentary glimpses.
Until about two months ago.
With no fanfare or warning, she snuck into the fray and instigated a playful little purchase for Him. Despite the teeny giggle that escaped my lips, I hadn't realized it was her who had sparked the mischief. She simply rushed back to her hiding place and settled in to wait with a patience she had never possessed in earlier iterations, while the rest of my personalities went about juggling their chaos.
Then three days later out of the blue, He sent me a caption-less photo of a sturdy wooden short oar in His hand. Everything in me knew what He was implying.
Both my masochist and whore took one look and scattered with "Hell-the-Fuck-Noooo"s echoing in my subconscious. My hard limit on wood and paddles is well known by my long-term play partners. I no longer even try to Top with those kind of implements anymore after one literally broke in my hands. We just don't mesh.
But as I stared at the image, some part of me stayed nervously engaged. Intrigued even. When I felt the deep blush creep over my cheeks and my teeth worry my bottom lip, I knew. It was my little girl who was curious!
She was no longer simply not locked in the attic. She was close, about halfway down the last flight and peeking over the banister, wanting to go see what no one else dared. She had apparently been making her slow silent descent, scooting down the stairs one step at a time, while I was busy handling the shenanigans of all the other personalities. This whole time, she'd been listening, learning, looking to see if there was a safe place for her to exist. If she'd be welcomed. If she'd be protected.
The paddle in His hand called to her. With a smile tugging at the corner of my lips, she bantered with Him teasingly about the photo, pretending not to understand His intent. Finally, I faced the music. "I'm guessing that could/may be for me?" When "Bingo," flashed across my screen, a wave of light-headedness swam through me.
It has been damn near a decade since the mere thought of pain could make me dizzy. I'd forgotten what that sweet, exquisite blend of thrill and intimidation tasted like. ~sigh~ Yesssss...this. A girl could get soooo used to this kind of intoxicating pleasure.
Then ALL my personalities remembered that damn purchase the imp had made days ago! Oh shit...
A sliver of dread zipped up my spine. No longer certain if the photo was random inspiration or planned punishment, I frantically checked the delivery status. The package was literally moments away from arrival, and clearly about to add something—I had no idea WHAT—to the current exchange.
Would He be mad or offended?
Would He be annoyed?
Or would He see and be amused at the humor like I was?
The wait was killing me. Within minutes He confirmed receipt with a laugh. When I asked if I was being rewarded or punished, He remained vague with a "Neither...yet." My neck tingled in response, and I asked what He wanted to do with me. "Squeeze and kiss your forehead."
I have NO clue what forehead kisses mean, but a shy grin from my little girl seemed to think it was a good thing.
In the following days, I quietly listened for her in the corners of my mind until finally her whispers began to rise above the noise of the others.
She was imagining cuddles and being sprawled across His lap with her ass begging for His hand.
She wondered if His touch and other things could show her all the fun she'd been missing out on and maybe even finally ease the ache between her thighs.
She was still the ONLY one tempted…no, willing and almost eager to try to take His pain from that paddle.
Hearing her again after so long made me nervous. I don't have a damn clue what to do with her. She's so damn vulnerable. Her heart is wide open with nothing to protect her, and she’d never really engaged before with anyone intimately, neither sexually or physical S&M, but just as I trust all of my other personalities to guide me, I had to trust her too. She feels things and sees truths from a perspective the others simply don't have. I couldn't force her to retreat back to the attic and still remain authentic. I had to allow her to move as she was inspired, and Him to find her when He was ready and willing.
She didn't wait long. At the very end of our next visit, she tentatively left the safety of the stairs. Unable to meet His eyes, she politely asked if she could see what the paddle that had been on blatant display the entire time felt like. In moments, she was turning around as she bit her lip in both worry and anticipation of taking her first strikes of a paddle.
The broad stings of impact made me whimper.
The stark slaps of wood connecting to my ass rang in my ears.
And her relief at being in front of Him and a part of reality for even just a few minutes soothed my soul.
As with all things, where, when, or how she may fit in will be up to Him. Until He decides/chooses...I'm simply going to take the time to get to know her again. I already feel that she is stronger than she used to be. She's still tender and sweet and shy but no longer fragile, and she is MUCH more mischievous. lol She could get my ass in trouble! And I've also realized...
I missed her.
~DominaKat
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