Another unexpected storm. This one a direct hit to my soul. Neither of us were prepared for the morning to unleash a flood of inescapable no-win situations. The turbulent winds of colliding actions and words battered the roots of my being, chipping away at my belief that solutions can be found if intent is authentic and forcing me to face a possible truth I didn’t want to see.
Suddenly I was drowning in doubt. Past experiences dragged me deeper and deeper into their haunting grip. Maybe…no matter what I did, I would never be enough. Maybe what I gave wasn't good enough. That parts of me weren’t worthy of nurturing or exploration. That fundamental pieces of me would always be ignored and rejected because I just...couldn’t...inspire.
As quickly as the storm arrived, the wind, rain, and lightening ended, yet the chaos in its wake left me shaken to my core. I was no longer sure what would be left intact once the sun rose again.
As the quiet murky aftermath settled over us, I tried to find my footing. In blind autopilot, I attempted to ground myself in service, seeking the comfort of small bites of productivity, but my tension only built as I braced myself for the temporary mental and emotional fog left behind to lift and reveal what would be. Or more importantly…what couldn’t be.
Trembling, I stepped out to collect myself.
Under bare trees that had sheltered my hopes and dreams for over a year, this lioness shed her pride, her strength, and her courage to sob. My vision blurred with hot ugly tears, my thoughts echoed with my unavoidable failure, and my knees threatened to buckle.
Hopelessness raked its claws across my heart as I wrestled with a potential new reality of soul crushing limitation, and I grieved for what might never fucking be.
“Come here.”
His two words broke through the haze that surrounded me. Despite my pain and humiliation, I obeyed immediately, walking back to the house while trying in vain to wipe away the evidence of my loss of control and return to the practical calm of service.
That wasn’t what He demanded.
“Get on your knees. Kneel.
My mind went blank at His unexpected directive. Yet again, I obeyed without hesitation or question. I was willing to accept whatever fate He chose for me. For us.
I and our future were at His mercy.
He closed the door behind us, shutting us away from the rest of the world.
His tone was not gentle or coaxing. No...it was the unmistakable tone of Dominance. Precise Direction. Unwavering Intention. A force of nature that brook no argument or question. “You’re at your best when you are serving me, in whatever way I desire…”
As a list of the many ways I have served fell from His lips, my head lowered to rest against His immovable strength. Humbled at His acknowledgment, cracks formed in the temporary dam I’d patched in place against my emotions. A light I didn't yet understand began to push back on the hopelessness I'd been drowning in moments ago.
“…We both know I own you. You’re my property to do with as I see fit…”
The dam broke, and a steady stream of silent tears burned down my cheeks.
He was my Light.
He was the Earth I grounded in.
With His hand in my hair, He brought my lips to His dick to take and serve.
There.
Kneeling before Him, another mess at His feet.
He claimed His lioness in a way no Man has ever dared.
And I surrendered everything I am to Him without boundaries or reservation.
The morning's storm brought us to that moment. It wasn't pretty or dreamy or about a fairy tale. It was real and raw and rough around the edges. It was us.
Sometimes we must be stripped bare and let the wind rip at our old roots and allow the rain wash away the masks we cling to. The pride. The cynicism. The lies we tell ourselves. The habits and beliefs that we cling to for comfort and protection but that no longer serve us our future.
The storm cleared space for the truth to be acknowledged between us, and in that moment something indescribable settled and solidified between us.
This is by no means an end but a beginning. How we move forward together, how we explore new truths, how we discover fresh possibilities will be at His direction, pace, and will. I follow and serve Him with my mind, body, heart, and soul.
~DominaKat
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