The 9 Service Languages | Intensive Session Wrap Up Thoughts

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On Sunday, I wrapped up my first small group FULL INTENSIVE workshop that spanned 6+ hours over the course of 2 days. Anyone who has sat through my Intro class knows, The 9 Service Languages is a fucking BIG IDEA! When I first launched my class, I naively believed it could be tackled in a typical 90-minute or 2-hour session. I quickly learned that was impossible and that few platforms (cons, orgs, mtgs) had the ability to hold space for me and attendees to get DEEP in the weeds of WIITWD as it relates to Service. I am PROFOUNDLY HONORED that @S-O-C—the Service Oriented Conference—reached out to me earlier this year to be a part of their inaugural Intensive Program. They were the perfect partner with the perfect target audience for an Intensive of The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics. The session allowed me to work with a small group as we got our hands dirty, dissecting where, when, how, and why we do Service and considered ways to adjust, tweak, evol...
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The Value of Helplessness

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Dread’s post and a conversation with my sister, Malika, has had me pondering the unlikely (for me) topic… the value of helplessness.

Anyone who has met/engaged with me even on the most basic level would agree I am far from being anyone’s damsel in distress.  I am competent.  I am relatively self-sufficient.  I am fierce.  If cornered, I can be damn near fuckin dangerous.  I live, work, and conquer one of the most demanding and chaotic cities in the world.  I've faced countless shitty, insurmountable situations that I couldn't change, but I always had control of me.  I fought.  I hunkered down.  I changed course.  I did what I had to do to survive.

However, numerous times 2024 kicked my ass and left me with no choice but to BE helplessness.  “BE.”  I couldn't fight or change course.  There was no surrender.  There was no give in.  There was no fuckin option.  Each time, I had zero say of my state.  Each time was worst than the last.

And every single time—without me asking—He stepped forward, each time taking more and more control of my well-being and caring for me in ways no one ever has.  

Orders were given. 
I obeyed. 
And realized He actually gave a fuck.

He watched over me.
I felt safe...protected.
And realized I didn't want to run and hide and He wasn't going to run.

He put His hands on me and handled me with more tenderness and consideration than any other human being I can remember.
I felt...cherished.
And realized maybe I could be truly loved and cared for even when I wasn't my best.

He has seen me at my weakest, my most vulnerable, in my most humiliating moments of the last 10 years, and every time He stepped forward, something in me—something I hadn’t realized was there keeping the world at bay—melted.  More and more and more.  A wall?  Armor?  Pride?  Ego?  Caution?  Self-defense?  I don’t know what to call it.  Maybe all of it?

We are still growing and learning each other, so I’m no where near 100% unguarded with Him or completely mentally, emotionally, or physically vulnerable to Him, but there is something He now has that no one has ever fucking come close to earning from me.

And I know...some part of me is fighting to get it back.  To push this feeling away.  To NOT let Him be this...close.  To NOT trust and believe that He'll be, stay, stick with me when it matters most.  

~sigh~

I believe maybe there was/is a lesson in all of this helplessness that I am only just beginning to unravel, and maybe that’s why The Universe keeps fucking with me, trying to get me to understand and learn.  

Even in the last 15 years within the lifestyle and engaging in BDSM as an /s-type and bottom, helplessness isn't something I've done.  Naaaaa...not my style.  I conquer.  I dare.  I surmount.  In my service.  In my play.  In sex.  Even in my surrender…because it is and always has been a path I CHOOSE.  I can't control anyone else, but I damn sure control me because I know that when everything goes to hell, there's a switch hidden deep in me that I've always been able to flip and choose differently.  

But I’m wondering if after all this time, I need to explore the value of helplessness. 

So foreign.  Unknown.  But maybe there is a mystery I need to uncover...What is behind that door?  What does that kind of passion, play, and intimacy look like?  Taste like?  Sound like?  Feel like?

What if I didn't have any control over myself?
What if instead of me conquering, daring, surmounting, choosing...I was simply helpless?  Stripped of all my strength and courage and determination?
What would that even look like?  Bondage?  Forced orgasms?  Pain to tears?  Begging?  CNC? Humiliation?  Degradation?  Objectification?  Would a combination of all that take me somewhere I've never been and discover something I need to understand?




Then again...maybe it's none of those things.  Maybe...I'm actually already stripped bare and raw— helpless—and I just refuse to see and accept it.  "(  If that's the case, then The Universe might need to send me some cliff notes cuz I'm at a loss as to what the lesson is supposed to be teaching me.
~DominaKat

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On Sunday, I wrapped up my first small group FULL INTENSIVE workshop that spanned 6+ hours over the course of 2 days. Anyone who has sat through my Intro class knows, The 9 Service Languages is a fucking BIG IDEA! When I first launched my class, I naively believed it could be tackled in a typical 90-minute or 2-hour session. I quickly learned that was impossible and that few platforms (cons, orgs, mtgs) had the ability to hold space for me and attendees to get DEEP in the weeds of WIITWD as it relates to Service. I am PROFOUNDLY HONORED that @S-O-C—the Service Oriented Conference—reached out to me earlier this year to be a part of their inaugural Intensive Program. They were the perfect partner with the perfect target audience for an Intensive of The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics. The session allowed me to work with a small group as we got our hands dirty, dissecting where, when, how, and why we do Service and considered ways to adjust, tweak, evol...
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