He has caught me off guard more times than I can count the last couple of months. That’s an unfamiliar feeling, almost disorienting. My situational mathematics lean a bit cautious, but they are historically usually pretty damn accurate.
Except apparently in regards to Him. (A pattern continues. lol) The further along we move the more my situational mathematics utterly fail me.
Mmmmm, that's not 100% true. All of my less sapio pieces intrinsically know and understand Him in a way that defies fucking logic or reason, but their lack of tangible data makes Alfred and the Consigliere crazy. Then the Spiritual Chick walks in talking about "energy" and "we've done this all before many times," and my logical bits simply stop talking, since there's truly no point in wasting thought let alone words once she gets in on the conversation. Their assessments change nothing.
Yes...it can be a little noisy in my head at times. lol
But He even surprised all my less logical personalities too at one point or another the last month and had us all scrambling to catch the fuck up. After our last visit, it took me days—maybe more like a damn week—to think straight again and come back to my normal, boring but clearheaded reality. ~sigh~ It's almost embarrassing how deeply and thoroughly He affects me.
Some surprises...
- Timing | He had me come to him on a day I haven't spent with someone in decades, and when I expected other obligations to hold precedence.
- Vision | He clearly outlined what He expected of me for the night. A Man with a Plan? Being able to align beforehand to His will rather than simply in the moment? ~FUCKIN SWOON~ I was genuinely light-headed in the simultaneous combustion of pure relief at knowing what I needed to prepare for, the joy at ALL the opportunities to serve (cuz He had a LIST), and wetness that He valued and wanted ALL of that from me. Yes, the recipro-sexual in me is REAL! LOL
- Investment | The last and separate instruction to "fold His laundry" had me nearly fall out of my chair. "Holy fuck, He reads my blog." I'm shocked anyone glances through my chaos, but to realize that even after His initial pre-first date review that all these months later my rambling matters to Him AND...that He's still here?!? Well damn... Huh. I'm not even sure what to do with that. Except...Hi, BSM. ~kiss~
- Correction | Without drama or emotion He addressed an error I'd previous made while serving Him. A single simple statement of fact. Nothing more. Seriously. If I hadn't asked a follow up question to make sure I understood the process, He wouldn't have said another word about it. What I had suspected of Him was true, but I was still really fuckin impressed when the data came in. There hadn't been any irritated text when he discovered the issue. He wasn't pissed. There was no chastising. No drama.
- Another Service | He gave me permission to feed Him. Not just one or two nibbles. The entire plate. ~whimper~ I've longed to serve in that capacity since the beginning, but there's an intimacy and a level of subservience that had left me hesitant to even broach the idea. ~sigh~ I can't yet explain the how and why this act resonates so deeply with me. Reverence is the only word that comes to mind. Another day. Another blog post.
- Attention to Details | Most folks can't remember S&M negotiations five minutes later, but He remembered my no fly zone for pain from conversation on our first date eight months ago? He also remembered my very narrow boundary for wearing heels (Again...another discussion from our very early days.) and appreciated that I'd crossed my own boundary for Him? There are folks I've known for years who can't remember my kids' names, but He immediately pulls up my tiny details. ~hat tip~ For some reason that doesn't cause me even the slightest bit of anxiety. It's more like...oh, you actually see me, don't you? Flaws, oddities, failings, and all. Huh.
- Preparation | I caught a hint of pre-planning. ~HUGE GRIN~ Damn...His boy scout is sexy as hell and can have ALL of my girl scout cookies. Even the crumbs.
- A Full Workout | In less than twelve hours, He tapped deeply into so many parts of me, and no, I'm not talking about my sexy bits. He put the service whore to work in a variety of activities; engaged the masochist in sweet. blissful pain; fed a hungry lioness; took control of the whore and the property in ways that left happy tears clinging to my lashes; and collaborated for hours with Alfred. ~deep sigh~ I've never been so thoroughly and delightfully consumed in one night in my life. He took and took, and I gave and gave. By the time I commuted into work that morning, I was drunk off Him and us. No wonder it took me a week to be fully coherent.
- Gifts | They weren't dismissed or ignore or forgotten or set aside. No...they are valued. I wonder if He has any idea how often He steals my breath.
- Feedback | Mr. Stoic typically keeps me in full- to semi-permanent suspense of what (if anything) registers on His radar. (That may also be His Sadist, who often seems entertained at my obvious and frequent confusion and cluelessness.) So when the compliment that He appreciated one of my areas of effort came across my screen? Wait...what??? I blushed hard. I reread that text no less than a dozen times as I wondered who stole His phone. lol But I was soooo relieved that I'd gotten that part right. I truly love to please Him.
- Mr. Rogers | No, I'm not explaining that one, but my heart stopped, melted, and hasn't been the same since. If I haven't said it...I am irrecoverably in love with That Man. Have been since summer. His joy and happiness light up my world like a thousand suns. That's twice now that in the follow up I wanted to drop everything I was doing/about to do/supposed to do, turn around, and run fucking back to Him, regardless of the consequences. Seriously...all He had to say was "Come back," and I would have tackled a taxi, gone to the nearest helipad, and been on the beach and back in His arms in minutes.
My words don't capture all of the surprises he's handed me nor the richness of any of these unexpected moments. As I said, the further along we get the more my situational mathematics fail me. Then again...I've never been here (at least in this lifetime), so I don't have any previous data to inform me about what to expect. That leaves only one path forward—for me to trust all my instincts and follow Him wherever He chooses to lead me/us.
And oh...all that inaccurate calculating? Each error brings me (and all my personalities even the logical ones) profound fucking joy. ") I'm perfectly okay with those kind of unexpected outcomes.
~DominaKat
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