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Showing posts with the label Sadism

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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The Inspiration of a Stranger

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I dashed up the familiar subway stairs. I’d made good time on my morning commute. I was feeling good. Real good. Dr. Dre and Snoop pounded through my headphones and my bones, setting my pace and encouraging an extra bit of sass to the sway of my hips. When my feet met the concrete sidewalk, I turned my long stride toward the office and smoothly weaved between confused tourists and the fragmented line for the donut street cart. Even the chilly overcast skies cramped between the steel grey skyscrapers couldn’t dampen my energy. One of my brother’s most frequent complaints is that I’ve always been terrible at picking up on another’s interest in me. In New York it’s even worse as I’m entirely focused on my goal to get from Point A to Point B and treat pedestrian traffic more like obstacles in my path to avoid, pass, or draft behind than a potential dating/playtoy pool. Halfway down the block, my instincts jabbed me in my mental ribs to pierce my usual tunnel vision with a “Hey...oooh
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Apparently I'm a Hot Nympomanic Mess...

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The room was overflowing.  Given the venue (which seemed to dampen sound - good thing to note) two dozen people sat quiet as hell straining to listen to every word the panelists shared about Service. The panel was amazingly diverse!  Various genders, races and sexual orientations of both experienced Masters and slaves.  I was eager to gain more insight, new perspectives, new knowledge.  I jotted down each question to the panelists to ponder later as needed for myself as well as took note of any thought provoking comments.  Then this happened... Question to the Panel (summarized/not word for word): "What service do you provide/receive that you enjoy most?" My IMMEDIATE internal answer (and a fucking movie reel of hot fucking flashback recent memories) screamed through my mind...SUCKING DICK! Yeah...thank every deity known and forgotten to man that I somehow managed not to even murmur  that sledgehammer-like thought cause I was feeling like the bouncy overly happy chick o
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The Magical Course of Conversation Before Play

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I needed this... Midori's Create Amazing Scenes: Get into their Heads Needed. Needed.  NEEDED. I learned much, but I was fucking reminded more. I. Need. the fucking CONVERSATION. Impossibly somehow I'd lost that.  I'd lost the dialog.  The banter.  The teasing.  The flirting.  The mental exploration of possibilities.  The opening of the door to the mindfuck. All of it.  Was just. Gone.  ~sigh~  I'd lost all the exquisite communication beforehand that lays the groundwork for all the magic that we do with each other. It isn't any single person's fault or influence.  Over the last seven years...between busy schedules, misinterpretation of others' lines, miscommunications, others' waning efforts and crumbling mirages, my struggle to find others truly willing to lead...Between all of that I've simply continued to get quieter and quieter and quieter.  Why waste time talking if no one is actually listening?  If no one truly intends to try a
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The Symphony of Pain

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Tell me...What is your relationship with Pain today? Is it a comforting friend? A brutal foe to endure or conquer? An entertaining date who provides temporary distraction? The thrilling dance partner? A longed for lover that seduces you to submit your dark hedonistic desires? Or the monster to torment and devour your willing soul? A palm’s sharp blow. The rhythmic licks of the floggers' fall.  A paddle’s thunderous smack. The snap and slap of a belt’s lash. A crop’s brutal bite.  The vicious strike of a cane. A whip’s hot kiss. Their impact varies but can all be manipulated with the mindfuck. The best Sadists pluck those mental and emotional strings to accompany pain’s delicious melody and orchestrate a symphony. When the last note rings in the air how will you want to feel? Soothed or victorious? Relaxed or exhilarated? Post orgasmic, sated, and high from sexual bliss? Or an exhausted sobbing heap on the floor broken and bruised? Tell me.
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My Lil Monster v1.0

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Now that my submissive has finally found freedom with a Lion who understands how hard I need to run and who is brave enough to traverse the dark paths I've longed to explore, I've discovered My Lil Sadistic Monster hidden in the deepest dark shadows of my soul. With my Owner's and several close friends' encouragement, I get closer and closer to this Wild Thing. I watch My Lil Monster.  I feed Her little bites when I go to meet ups/munches, classes, and the occasional party. I can soooo feel when my Sadist perks up at a juicy morsel. ~GROWL~ While I’m not quite ready to act on anything - or maybe I should say anyONE - I recognize that that time is rapidly approaching.  This post has been months in the making, as I've gotten to know at least My Lil Monster's initial basic rules, needs, desires, and limits. First and FOREMOST it needs to be clear.   No one HAS to play with My Sadistic Bitch.   Really.  I am a FIRM believer in respecting others’ needs and l
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My Sadistic Lil Monster

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For years, those closest to me have encouraged my Dominant kink side.  They hoped to see my ferocity translate in the kinky realm.  I dabbled from time to time Topping but could never find the right path in my mind. I kick ass in the vanilla world, and my Ice Bitch/Warrior would absolutely rise when life demands their necessity. Yet I always kept them firmly within very defined boundaries. Some part of me knew I'd be unleashing something I couldn't control on the world. My New Journey this year has expanded my kinky horizon on many different levels.  I've watched.  I've learned.  I've grown. With each step something... more  has stirred in the back of my soul. For the first time, the pieces have started to fall together in my mind, and I've found my way to a buried dark dungeon.  I can now clearly see My Sadistic Lil Monster.  That Beast has always been a part of me, but has simply slept forever in my soul.  Her dreams have whispered to me for decades, b
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