Fire & Ice

02.13.24 My last post was an attempt to release the frantic need for Him clawing through my mind and soul.  It didn't help much.  I had to drown myself in the intellectual distractions of startup plans instead while I tried in vain to ignore my lioness as she continued to batter against the cage of her reality: vanilla work, doctor's post-dental surgery instructions, a damn Nor'easter.  Finally last night, exhausted, she tucked her tail, curled into a ball, and fell silent and still.   There was no more fight left in her.   There isn't any today either. Again... I don't want to talk to anyone. Hear anyone. See anyone. Touch anyone. My lioness just wants to hide away in her cave.  She doesn't give a fuck about being responsible or being social or the fucking world.   Only He can soothe her and rouse her from her retreat and sleep.  Though tonight she would be hard pressed to summon any of the energy from her last post.  However, there will be no soothing due to r

Today is not the day.  I'm not nice.  I'm not even civil.  I can't be polite or even rational. I've somehow managed the last 10 days without a problem.  Then last night, my last conscious thought before I crashed was how much I missed Him in my mouth.  I slept hard and long. This morning, I woke up pissed the fuck off.   I don't want to talk to anyone. Hear anyone. See anyone. Touch anyone. Only He can soothe me. ~whimper~   My desire for Him has overwhelmed me.  The need to have Him shoving into any and all of my holes is visceral.  Primal.  Bordering on fucking violence.  It vibrates in my damn bones and through my mind like an endless jackhammer, pounding away at every shred of control I have left. I want to scream.  Rage.   I want to destroy things.  Tear apart the world.   I need to SUCK. I need to FUCK. Not patiently. Not politely. And sure the fuck NOT gently. I need Him as fucking uncivilized as I am. His grip hard and firm in demand of my body. His arms aro

My lioness grew restless this evening. Within a couple of hours her agitation only amplified.  I tried to acknowledge her wants, but I simply became more aware of her discomfort. I tried a little talk therapy.  That wasn't enough either. I tried to find peace in sleep, but a nightmare only chased me down like a relentless dog.  When I finally woke, I understood what I had to do. I've learned when the energy shifts, however it shifts, I must trust it, flow with it. Let it lead me—physically, mentally, emotionally—wherever I am meant to go, so I may know or experience whatever deeper truth I am meant to find. To fight its current only makes shit harder and wastes time. I must surrender to its demand. Acknowledging her state wasn't enough. I needed to own her truth. This...is me owning my truth. This...is my surrender. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's been less than 18 hours since I was last in His arms, against His heat, the taste of His flesh on my tongue, the sound

She really REALLY don’t give a fuck about anything but now.  Fuck yesterday.  Fuck tomorrow.  What are we doing NOW?  She's usually not impressed with my ass unless I'm with Him. She doesn't give a fuck about words either.  Written or spoken—blah... blah... blah fuckity blah.  Actions, scents, tastes, sounds, textures, touch, feelings, energy...that's the shit that registers.   She’s dismissive of most of humanity, and the exact opposite when it comes to Him.  Everything to do with Him captivates her. She holds respect for a chosen few whose energy, experience, and actions meet her standards.  Most of the world falls in the category of prey that she has no appetite to conquer.  Meh.   I cannot reason with her.  At ALL.  I can only cage her and wait her out.   Be Warned | She’ll rise pissed the fuck off when fun pain turns on a dime to seriously sucky pain.  I cannot be held responsible next time.   Her softness and affection are different compared to how the other parts

Occasionally I can escape and set her free. ~sigh~ Earth under my feet. Trees whisper to the world. Plants reach for their destiny. Sun kisses. Sky calls and clouds stretch. Fresh air fuels. Waves lick at my feet. An ocean breeze in my hair. Sand slips between my toes. A storm thunders through my bones. The rain cleanses. Lightning unleashes its violence. The night holds court. The stars dance. And the moon... Embraces my soul. ~purrrrr~ All soothe her deeply. There… My senses are fed on the richness, depth, and balance of nature. There… I find healing and pure joy in the silence of being. There… I don’t need to pretend I’m civilized. There… My soul rests in the simplicity and spiritual of the untamed. ~DominaKat

NYC is almost within reach, just a few hours away.  I won’t lie.  I’m tired as fuck.  This weekend was a growth experience in more ways than I can currently count—with my fierce, BADASS Sister, with my Tribe, with my Community, for myself.  However I can’t shake the weariness nor find the blessed relief of sleep on this rainy, dreary return trip.   Instead I'm stuck.  I haven't been able to process all that happened or the resulting emotions that have filled me the last few days as I've run from one thing to another.  I'm trapped in a drop from a high that held no physical release.  Adrenaline, worry, joy, situational excitement, fierce pride, relief…yes to ALL that.  But energy-infusing pleasure or pain?  Orgasm?  Tears?  There was none of that in my cards.  Now in post-game, it’s everything I can do to maintain a train of thought and get my ass through the next step, and the next, and the next, so i can eventually get back to my little sanctuary.  ~whimper~  On top of

I am very slowly learning, attempting, exploring a new service dialect that I know little to nothing about. Most would think, "No big deal," especially for me.  I consistently reach for new information, ideas, points of view to add to my toolbox, especially in the lifestyle through classes, discussions, panels, cons, etc.  Those closest to me have graciously poured endless tanker trucks of knowledge, concepts, and skills into me over the years, fueling my Lifestyle Journey as well as my personal and professional paths.  I am curious as hell and don't hesitate to find ways to feed my often voracious mind.   But when a romantic interest who would RECEIVE said service is the One instructing and assessing my progress of GIVING service???  Oh...that shit is a completely new experience for me in addition to the subject matter.   There was, of course, the fresh breeze in my mind that always happens when opening up new pathways for growth, but I hadn't considered the nuances