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Showing posts with the label Masochism

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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A Good Boy - Part I

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He stood before her sitting frame with his hands behind his back and waited. The temperature controlled room suddenly felt a little warm, and he wished he could shed his t-shirt and jeans. His toes wiggled against the cool hardwood floor and took in the Alpha Female before him.  The contrast between the white chair and her hourglass curves covered in black both excited him and made him uncomfortable. Nerves and excitement jumbled together in an indistinguishable sensation through his body as her eyes traveled down his tall frame. She raised her crop slowly to drag along his zipper. "Leave your pants buttoned, but take your dick out. I want to watch your reactions." She punctuated her demand with a firm slap to his thigh. He reached for his zipper only for the crop to slap at his hand.  He stilled unsure of himself. "What do you say first, boy?" Some unfamiliar feeling joined the tangle of nerves and excitement. He cleared his throat as he felt his face flu
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Introducing: S&M.NYC

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Well...I've gone and done it, with some great help of course!  ~HAT TIP~  I've been itching for the last year for more on S&M.  By more, I mean beyond the usual basic demo class that pops up every once and a while.  I've been hungry for meaty discussions about the in's, out's, approaches, tactics, thought process, etc.  Living in your own bubble is NEVER good.  We all need diverse thoughts and opinions to keep our minds engaged and kink creative, soooo... I've started an S&M Discussion Group in NYC.  My goal:  Create a safe, sane, fun space for S&M discussion.  That's it.  I am by no means an expert on ANY of this shit.  I've got no ego in this.  No political agenda.  I just love to learn and grow and discuss WIITWD and wanted to give back a little to the community that's given me so much. If you're interested in S&M, please join me and BlackMusic (your meeting hosts) on the first Monday of every month for what we hope will be
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A Fearless Masochist

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Continuing to ponder my masochist and discovering little kernels of Truth... I don’t have fear. At least not any more. When the shit I once coped with on a daily basis was so vicious, nasty, and evil that I could barely even speak of it, it’s difficult to be afraid of the Pain a trusted partner might deliver in the context of a BDSM scene. Probably naive of me, I know.  There are many talented Sadists out there.  Maybe it would be better if I said...I don’t have fear YET. But still...I'm not sure there could be a "YET." A few things that have tumbled around my head as I've considered how fear might exist for my masochist... I don’t have phobias to play off and exacerbate. My response to sudden fear tends to be anger and swift violence, so maybe we really shouldn’t play in that pond.  I long ago trained myself to face and confront situational fear.  "Fuck it...let's roll/do this."  Having spent years on the South Side of the Yo makes most
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Embrace Failure to Thrive

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Damn near every community in the last year has had some sort of drama at their doorstep.  Rightfully, we ALL NEED to understand consent backwards and forwards, protect each others' privacy, and be on guard for asshole abusers.  Responsible kinksters go to classes, read up on best practices, spend long hours considering.  All good things.  We all should be thoughtful in our interactions with each other. If you're anything like me, the drama as well as all this thought and consideration has also created some anxiety.  Most of us are intent on “doing things right” - not just as it relates to consent but in play.  No D/Top-type wants to cause physical, mental, or emotional damage, and no s/bottom-type wants to be on the receiving end of damage.  We all want to have a fabulous time every time we indulge in our kinky lifestyle. Guess what?  That's unfucking realistic.  And we NEED to talk about it. An impossible expectation of perfection in a scene/play currently exist
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Our Storm

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My hands clawed at the wet brick as I tried in vain to brace myself against the brutal rhythm of Him.  Another nail shredded. The smack-smack-smack of skin-to-skin and the wet sounds of sex and sin echoed between the dark confines of the narrow alleyway but mingled with the downpour and the random taxi or box truck that lumbered through the barren drenched city streets.  The masonry dug into my palms, and the edges of my soaked dress clung to the sides of my pale thighs, even as He used the bunched fabric at my back as leverage to fuck me like a beast in primal heat.  Just as the violent storm above raged, so did my anger, yet still I arched my back and raised my bare ass like the whore I always was for Him.   I needed... Dick... His dick... Him.  Him.  Him.  As always, the energy of us consumed us like a firestorm, singing our souls.  We were helpless to resist.  "Who owns you, bitch?"  He growled in my ear before He trailed burning bites down m
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My Masochist's Betrayal

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There in the too well lit room where I couldn't hide, He rained down Pain.  It's what I wanted.  I am a masochist after all.  I escaped the world at large until only three elements remained: Him, my body, and Pain. The music faded.  The Sadistic sounds of the other couples crammed near us disappeared.  The voyeurs became an indistinguishable blur.  And my pride...my pride was nowhere to be fucking found. I was grateful for every damn bit He gave me.  I greedily drank up His violence, lapping at it like a dog on a hot August day.  I never got to safeword stage.  It was never too much.  I wanted...no...needed to suffer.  Maybe I needed it too damn much.  Lap, lap, lap...I lapped it up, searching for the usual sweetness only to find a dusty bitter tang. Every smack of His palm, crack of the crop, slap of the flogger exploded across my skin and within the landscape of my mind like a chaotic bomb.  I was neither tranquil or calm or peaceful or serene.  I moaned, whimpered, sho
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My Religion

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I remained silent.  As they took turns speaking, their words faded to background noise, and I held up my own Truth to my mind's eye and gazed at it in fearless acknowledgement. Yes, I see.  I know. Even there, surrounded by those who shared at least some version of my proclivities, it seemed unlikely my own Beliefs would find many companions.  I hadn't been hopeful - merely curious.  I long ago accepted in myself what I can so rarely express to anyone who can understand.  Though I have let  my Truth flicker in the ether at times . My Religion?  I bask, bath, am baptized in the Spiritual essence found only at the Divine intersection of a soul deep connection, pure, authentic BDSM, and raw hedonistic sex.  There...in those moments...I am free of the chains of this world and become one with the Holy Existence of Life and all that beautiful energy of the Universe.  There...in those moments...I find Grace. I am Grace. I am Everything and nothing. I am Life and death. I a
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What You Have Found

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Yes, Sir. You have finally found that woman who You can drape in Your beautiful Rope. I will be still and patient as You tie and knot and wrap my flesh to bind me to Your soul. Please...Adorn me with your sacred. Yes, Sir. You have finally found that giving submissive who will be honest, loyal, and true. I will serve and obey You as best as I am able with my body, my mind, and my heart. Please...Show me how to please You. Yes, Sir. You have finally found that willing eager masochist to unleash that beautiful Darkness You hide from the world. I will soak up every drop of your cruel intentions. Please...Give me the Pain You long to set free. Yes, Sir. You have also found a lady who can share with You fine spirits, bask in the complicated melodies of jazz, and make You proud to have next to You. I will cherish every moment big and small that we find to share. Please...Let’s explore the wonders and flavors of the city...of the world. Yes, Sir. You have found that ethical insatiable whor
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In Trouble - Part I

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I’m in trouble. He hides His Beast and His passion behind so many layers...politeness, smooth grace, perfect manners, easy conversation, generosity, kindness, patience.  Too often I forget the Darkness that lies dormant and hungry in the lair of His soul.  I forget and...underestimate. Fifteen hours later, on a train surrounded by obnoxious suburban millennials seeking city thrills, I can barely look back at what He did to me.  My soul trembles.  I fight the tsunami of tears I couldn’t unleash last night, I clamp down against a spontaneous gut wrenching orgasm that threatens to burst between my legs, and I swallow a primal scream I can’t quite name the source of. All I know is...He fucked me up last night. I walked in a calm, relaxed, confident lioness.  In well under twenty seconds, He made me nothing more than His bitch and proceeded to drag me through the gutter of my soul. No one has ever taken me so deep.  He seemed to do it effortlessly. I'd entered our room an
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Apparently I'm a Hot Nympomanic Mess...

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The room was overflowing.  Given the venue (which seemed to dampen sound - good thing to note) two dozen people sat quiet as hell straining to listen to every word the panelists shared about Service. The panel was amazingly diverse!  Various genders, races and sexual orientations of both experienced Masters and slaves.  I was eager to gain more insight, new perspectives, new knowledge.  I jotted down each question to the panelists to ponder later as needed for myself as well as took note of any thought provoking comments.  Then this happened... Question to the Panel (summarized/not word for word): "What service do you provide/receive that you enjoy most?" My IMMEDIATE internal answer (and a fucking movie reel of hot fucking flashback recent memories) screamed through my mind...SUCKING DICK! Yeah...thank every deity known and forgotten to man that I somehow managed not to even murmur  that sledgehammer-like thought cause I was feeling like the bouncy overly happy chick o
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The Magical Course of Conversation Before Play

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I needed this... Midori's Create Amazing Scenes: Get into their Heads Needed. Needed.  NEEDED. I learned much, but I was fucking reminded more. I. Need. the fucking CONVERSATION. Impossibly somehow I'd lost that.  I'd lost the dialog.  The banter.  The teasing.  The flirting.  The mental exploration of possibilities.  The opening of the door to the mindfuck. All of it.  Was just. Gone.  ~sigh~  I'd lost all the exquisite communication beforehand that lays the groundwork for all the magic that we do with each other. It isn't any single person's fault or influence.  Over the last seven years...between busy schedules, misinterpretation of others' lines, miscommunications, others' waning efforts and crumbling mirages, my struggle to find others truly willing to lead...Between all of that I've simply continued to get quieter and quieter and quieter.  Why waste time talking if no one is actually listening?  If no one truly intends to try a
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The Symphony of Pain

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Tell me...What is your relationship with Pain today? Is it a comforting friend? A brutal foe to endure or conquer? An entertaining date who provides temporary distraction? The thrilling dance partner? A longed for lover that seduces you to submit your dark hedonistic desires? Or the monster to torment and devour your willing soul? A palm’s sharp blow. The rhythmic licks of the floggers' fall.  A paddle’s thunderous smack. The snap and slap of a belt’s lash. A crop’s brutal bite.  The vicious strike of a cane. A whip’s hot kiss. Their impact varies but can all be manipulated with the mindfuck. The best Sadists pluck those mental and emotional strings to accompany pain’s delicious melody and orchestrate a symphony. When the last note rings in the air how will you want to feel? Soothed or victorious? Relaxed or exhilarated? Post orgasmic, sated, and high from sexual bliss? Or an exhausted sobbing heap on the floor broken and bruised? Tell me.
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Unleash My Storm

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A buildup of desire. A flood of energy with nowhere to go. Emotions that batter and bruise. Though I try to dissipate the chaos. I am exhausted in the continued denial of my need. And the storm rages below my surface for release. Dark thunder pounds through my mind in search of resting place for my submission. Vicious lighting crawls through my veins seeking pain and punishment. An agony of insatiable lust licks and torments my every nerve. FUCK...Unleash the storm in me! I want nothing gentle or kind. The full blunt force of primal hunger and Dominance. Is the only fucking cure for my twisted sinful lusts. Show me that dark merciless beast in Your soul. Take from me all that You wish. With a cruelty born of pure greed and demand. My soul begs... For pain and suffering that pushes reality to the far reaches. To be used with brutal Sadistic intent until I'm a crumpled broken mess at His feet. I am desperate for His fury and passion. My lioness roars to be
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My Masochist v2.0

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I accepted that I was a masochist about seven ago. ~HUGE HAT TIP~ to my dear Chica for opening up the door to the S/m realm of kinkland for me. Our conversations and my experiences with her quickly piqued my curiousity, and it wasn't long before I came to understand... OhFuckYesTHISIsWhatIveBeenMissing! lol In the first couple of years I quickly learned I loved pain and that my masochist extended beyond the physical to mental and to some extent emotional. In the right context, humiliation, degradation and objectification are sweet cream for my lioness.  Unfortunately, my growth was stunted and hindered and v1.0 didn't have any opportunity to evolve for many years. This year I've been attempting to make a concerted effort to move forward on this piece of my journey and have actually made ~some~ significant though slow progress toward understanding my masochist.   Classes, discussion groups, more classes, and more roundtable and panel discussions have sooooo FED
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Come To Me

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When demands exceed limits. And life’s pressures take their toll. When You are ready to crumble. Against Your battle with endless chaos. Come to me. Your sacred whore. Our ritual will heal You. Expel Your Demons. Strengthen Your resolve. In me you will find Your peace and solace. Come to me. Your sacred whore. Transfer Your agony to me. Deliver it to my willing body. I will absorb Your pain and frustrations. My whimpers, moans, and cries will ease your burden. Come to me. Your sacred whore. Confess at my plump breasts. Worship the Divine at my round soft ass. Do penance between my pale spread thighs. Sink into my hot wet Heaven. Come to me. Your sacred whore. Close Your eyes and simply pray. Pray. Pray. Feel where Heaven and Earth collide in us. Come to me. Your sacred whore.  I will cleanse Your soul.  And You back together to face the world. ~DominaKat
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Initial Offering - Part II

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My lips drove up and down his shaft as my tongue danced across his head and stroked his length. Wet sloppy sounds echoed through the room. I couldn't get enough of Him. He let me have my way. I sucked. I slurped. I fed from Him. I was ravenous. I latched onto His perfect swollen head and sucked like the ravenous bitch I was, moving in every angle my precarious position allowed. My cunt dripped down my thighs as my desire for Him only burned hotter with each taste. My nails dug into the underside of the soft beautiful wood. With a deep breath I took His meat. Across the ridged roof of my mouth to the soft back and further down my throat. My nose pressed against the warmth of his wiry mat of hair. My throat clenched around his head as I gagged loudly without shame. He groaned in pleasure and suddenly I felt his palm cup the back of my head and force me another inch further onto his dick. I gagged harder. I choked. I needed oxygen, but still He held me firmly on Him. Then He growl
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