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In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Tell Me "No"

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Floggers, crops, whips, rope...heady, sexy, yummy toys of kink.  The showmanship, the Pain, the obvious position of Power and Authority to submission are tangible, bold opportunities to share intimate experiences with one another, especially those in D/s dynamics.  Yet, often a simple, reasonable, deftly placed "No" lands much deeper and last much longer than a night's pretty bruises or vicious lashes.  In fact an occasional denial (preferably accompanied with a why) is essential to a healthy Power Exchange relationship. A "No" in a sea of "Yes" demonstrates that He listens. A "No" because He wants that Privilege with me shows He still desires me. A "No" draws a Boundary that reassures me. A "No" to keep me safe reminds me how much He values His property. A "No" to make me uncomfortable allows me to please and amuse His Sadism. A "No" once again establishes His Control. A &quo
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My Religion

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I remained silent.  As they took turns speaking, their words faded to background noise, and I held up my own Truth to my mind's eye and gazed at it in fearless acknowledgement. Yes, I see.  I know. Even there, surrounded by those who shared at least some version of my proclivities, it seemed unlikely my own Beliefs would find many companions.  I hadn't been hopeful - merely curious.  I long ago accepted in myself what I can so rarely express to anyone who can understand.  Though I have let  my Truth flicker in the ether at times . My Religion?  I bask, bath, am baptized in the Spiritual essence found only at the Divine intersection of a soul deep connection, pure, authentic BDSM, and raw hedonistic sex.  There...in those moments...I am free of the chains of this world and become one with the Holy Existence of Life and all that beautiful energy of the Universe.  There...in those moments...I find Grace. I am Grace. I am Everything and nothing. I am Life and death. I a
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His to Take

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Fuck me, He makes me soft, and as time goes on it just gets worse.  However, don't doubt!  My lioness still very much has her claws, but at the sight or sound of Him, they are sheathed as I rollover to show Him my belly and simply start to purrrrrrrrrrrr. I hadn't realized this...evolution to us or myself until the last two weeks.  Flu cancelled plans day after day.  There was no anger or drama.  Just worry, concern, and an...emptiness where He exists in my life.  He'd call or text me a picture or, and the sun would burst suddenly from behind cloudy grey skies and warm my soul.  If He made that little growl/hum sound because of something I'd say, it was like a damn rainbow lit up the sky too.  ~sigh~  I damn sure hadn't planned to allow this kind of vulnerability in my life again. I was short-sighted.  Funny how in my search for a D/s dynamic, I hadn't factored in the inevitability of that soft spot and chink in my armor that happens as two people build trus
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Kinky Cranky Elitists, Teenage Newbies, & Kink-topia

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~sigh~  After seeing several new people feel like they are LESS than after reading some arrogant assholian the lifestyle is going to hell in a handbasket rants... Dear Captain Kinky Cranky Pants (encompassing all genders) ~ Yes, Fet sucks. It's always sucked. It just didn't suck as much when it was NEW to you and me.  Since I joined in 2010, I’ve absolutely seen a difference as well, but I'm pretty sure much of that perspective is due to how much MORE educated I am and how much FURTHER along in my own journey I am.  Putting some check marks next to your kinky bucket list makes climbing the Everest of Kink seem achievable.  Just because you have your climbing gear and you've done two dozen other climbs doesn't mean you should scuff at the ones just getting their first pair of hiking boots. Yes, the amount of fluffy - first things many of us check off the list - can be significant.  One of the first steps of courage in the lifestyle tends to be showing some
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What You Have Found

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Yes, Sir. You have finally found that woman who You can drape in Your beautiful Rope. I will be still and patient as You tie and knot and wrap my flesh to bind me to Your soul. Please...Adorn me with your sacred. Yes, Sir. You have finally found that giving submissive who will be honest, loyal, and true. I will serve and obey You as best as I am able with my body, my mind, and my heart. Please...Show me how to please You. Yes, Sir. You have finally found that willing eager masochist to unleash that beautiful Darkness You hide from the world. I will soak up every drop of your cruel intentions. Please...Give me the Pain You long to set free. Yes, Sir. You have also found a lady who can share with You fine spirits, bask in the complicated melodies of jazz, and make You proud to have next to You. I will cherish every moment big and small that we find to share. Please...Let’s explore the wonders and flavors of the city...of the world. Yes, Sir. You have found that ethical insatiable whor
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In Trouble - Part II

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Part I - In case you missed it. I’m in trouble. Hours of conversation later, after feeding each other tasty bits from forks and fingers, my purring Lion slept sated and relaxed.  His arms around the bare curve of my waist.  His head against my breasts.  Content.  Even the usual creases of stress and worry between His brows were gone. I checked my phone and set the timer just in case.  First and foremost was to honor the rules they abided by and the respect that kept them at peace.  Our time together was always finite.  I never fought those boundaries.  They kept me safe as well. Yet, I wished I could give Him more than a handful of minutes of peaceful sleep.  I rained gentle kisses on His head and slowly rubbed His back.  What I thought was an effort to comfort was just as much an outlet to express my affection unseen.  In the silence of our room, I slowly, quietly let myself relax one breath at a time.  His body warmth seeped into my bones.  His purrs soothed me. I looked do
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In Trouble - Part I

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I’m in trouble. He hides His Beast and His passion behind so many layers...politeness, smooth grace, perfect manners, easy conversation, generosity, kindness, patience.  Too often I forget the Darkness that lies dormant and hungry in the lair of His soul.  I forget and...underestimate. Fifteen hours later, on a train surrounded by obnoxious suburban millennials seeking city thrills, I can barely look back at what He did to me.  My soul trembles.  I fight the tsunami of tears I couldn’t unleash last night, I clamp down against a spontaneous gut wrenching orgasm that threatens to burst between my legs, and I swallow a primal scream I can’t quite name the source of. All I know is...He fucked me up last night. I walked in a calm, relaxed, confident lioness.  In well under twenty seconds, He made me nothing more than His bitch and proceeded to drag me through the gutter of my soul. No one has ever taken me so deep.  He seemed to do it effortlessly. I'd entered our room an
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