Fire & Ice

It's late.  My ass should be in bed snoring, yet I find myself too wired to cozy up in my nest.  Tonight feels like an unexpected milestone for myself.  Out of the blue I was asked to join a community event as a panelist.  I was flattered of course, but quite cognizant that while I've been involved in the lifestyle for about nine years now and have been thoughtful and introspective of my journey, I'm not what anyone would consider some wildly experienced kinkster who's spent every weekend doing more and more intense kinkiness. No, surprise...surprise...I haven't run around jumping on every type of ride available in Kink-Topia.  I don't chase the dragon. That isn't the important part of the journey for me.  What is important for me is that I find meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in what it is that I do.  In that...I am a serious participant.  Every day I seek to take another step in my journey of self-discovery within the lifestyle. Throughout the last

Damn near every community in the last year has had some sort of drama at their doorstep.  Rightfully, we ALL NEED to understand consent backwards and forwards, protect each others' privacy, and be on guard for asshole abusers.  Responsible kinksters go to classes, read up on best practices, spend long hours considering.  All good things.  We all should be thoughtful in our interactions with each other. If you're anything like me, the drama as well as all this thought and consideration has also created some anxiety.  Most of us are intent on “doing things right” - not just as it relates to consent but in play.  No D/Top-type wants to cause physical, mental, or emotional damage, and no s/bottom-type wants to be on the receiving end of damage.  We all want to have a fabulous time every time we indulge in our kinky lifestyle. Guess what?  That's unfucking realistic.  And we NEED to talk about it. An impossible expectation of perfection in a scene/play currently exist

I learned long ago not to fight the Omnipotent power of The Universe's will, especially this time of year. When She repeatedly sends the same message in a dozen different ways, it is a good idea to stop, listen, and accept the direction She has chosen. There is a lesson/challenge She has put in my path. In essence, I submit to Her. To defy Her is to get my ass kicked every damn time. So with Nina Simone and a lil Mary J. Blige accompanying me as I find my words... Universe...I hear you. I submit to Your will. Over the last several months, Male energy has dramatically receded from my inner perimeter in essentially all facets of my life. I've been unable to slow - let alone stop - the retreat. (I tried a bit at first not seeing the broader theme.) I know without a doubt the love and appreciation is still there in all cases. The distance I am experiencing is not a reflection of shifted feelings. Life has simply demanded their attention and efforts. In every in

My hands clawed at the wet brick as I tried in vain to brace myself against the brutal rhythm of Him.  Another nail shredded. The smack-smack-smack of skin-to-skin and the wet sounds of sex and sin echoed between the dark confines of the narrow alleyway but mingled with the downpour and the random taxi or box truck that lumbered through the barren drenched city streets.  The masonry dug into my palms, and the edges of my soaked dress clung to the sides of my pale thighs, even as He used the bunched fabric at my back as leverage to fuck me like a beast in primal heat.  Just as the violent storm above raged, so did my anger, yet still I arched my back and raised my bare ass like the whore I always was for Him.   I needed... Dick... His dick... Him.  Him.  Him.  As always, the energy of us consumed us like a firestorm, singing our souls.  We were helpless to resist.  "Who owns you, bitch?"  He growled in my ear before He trailed burning bites down m

Womanhood is a complicated prism.  Strengths and weaknesses ebb and flow depending who is doing the assessing.  Gender, age, Power Exchange role, economic, cultural perspective, and more all influence which elements hold value and which are are irrelevant. A younger Man might rate a woman higher if she’s willing and able to bear children.  A bottom will likely gravitate more toward strong Dominant women.  Someone struggling financially might have a greater appreciation for a woman who is financially independent where a wealthier man might be ambivalent.  There is definitely no longer one way to "woman" -- at least in modern American culture.  There is also no one way to submit.  The best choice for either is to be authentic and true to who and what you are.  In fact, back in July one of my s-friends brought me back this from TESFest and Orpheus Black,   "You serve your purpose - your submission - by being who you are."   Such amazing fucking advice, and

Shit.  I'm trapped in a writing hall of mirrors.  I must have 20 pieces actively in the hopper that is my brain.  Different topics.  Different vibes.  Just tumbling around and around and around in schizophrenic state of slow motion chaos.  I get a few sentences down, maybe a paragraph or two if I'm lucky, but I can't seem to pull hard enough on a single thread to unravel it the way I need to bring it to fruition. ~sigh~  If I rip the bullshit off, this is a complete reflection of my current state in the lifestyle.  I flitter along the surface but never dive deep the way I like.  The way I fucking need.  My sexuality and various kinks...I can't quite reach them mentally, emotionally, even physically.  I hate this...apathy in me.  It seeps into every layer of my world, even my words. The only time I can focus is that moment when Kwesi's hand grips the back of my neck.  A light touch.  A firm grip.  It doesn't matter.  Every damn thing in me skitters to a fu

I 'll always think of you Inside of my private thoughts I can imagine you Touching my private parts With just the thought of you I can't help but touch myself That's why I want you so bad Just one night of Moonlight with you there beside me All night doin' it again and again You know I want you so bad Baby baby baby baby (baby baby baby baby) Oh I get so high When I'm around you baby I can touch the sky You make my temperature rise You're makin' me high Oh baby baby baby baby Can't get my mind off you I think I might be obsessed The very thought of you Makes me want to get undressed I want to be with you In spite of what my heart says I guess I want you too bad All I want is Moonlight with you there beside me All night doin' it again and again You know I want you so bad Baby baby baby (baby baby baby baby) Oh I get so high When I'm around you baby I can touch the sky You make my temperature rise You're makin' me high Oh (baby baby baby