Fire & Ice

A portion of Henri Rousseau's The Dream 1910 hanging at MoMA. To have an Owner is to have a Home.  Maybe not a literal domicile/location/permanent residence, but a mental and emotional Home— a base of safety from the harsh struggles of the day.   That warm strong body of protection to rest under...for even just a moment.  A solid anchor where at least a small bit of life is grounded and firm. Even a Lioness needs to rest once and awhile from life's hunts.   Even a Lioness needs a sanctuary from unexpected storms.  A protector as she heals from the cut of an unseen spear. I haven't had a Home in many, many years now, and 99.9% of the time I'm ambivalent even appreciative of my gypsy status as I fearlessly prowl for experiences which will feed my soul.  But not tonight. While I've found a general base in my community, I'm still just a stray Kat.  Tonight I wish I had a sanctuary.  No words are needed.  I can't find them.  No leading required.  

It's the second week of July, and if you're dragging a bit or just a little down (ESPECIALLY you TES Fest attendees), you aren't alone.  You're not crazy.  July's event drop feeling is a THING! This is my third year actively in the local scene, and I've finally put it together.  Even if you didn't do any of the HUGE events (Folsom Street East, the Balls/Special Parties/etc, Pride Parade, TES Fest) in the last five weeks or aren't LGBTQA, the month of June naturally just is amped up for Pride Month.  Almost every class, meeting, group is at a minimum adds just a little bit more, and there were likely a ton of special events cramming your calendar to celebrate with friends. The very energy of NYC shifts!  June is essentially kinky holiday month like December is in the vanilla world.  There's more love in the streets, the subways, the billboards, the air!!!  The city is literally painted with rainbows.  It is truly beautiful and energizing. Now th

I wrapped up my ONYX Pearls' interview with the itch to write scratching my scalp.  The simplest of questions yet sadly I had had no immediate or definitive answer.  "What does Sisterhood mean to you?" For many reasons—some situational, some ugly—I've never engaged with groups of women.  To be transparent, it's only been since I entered the local scene that I've even aligned myself with any formal groups.  Despite my current active involvement with various pieces of the NYC Kink Community, I'm actually more of a loner.  My interests have always been too varied, my style too straightforward or unique, my tolerance for drama and betrayal waaaaay too low.  I tend to float between a diverse cross-section of activities, people, and interests.  This allowed for an eclectic assembly of experiences and continually fueled my independence. The root of it all is...I've never sought group approval or status.  That phenomena is all just...sort of lost on

A question came my way last month, "Why Owner/property?  As opposed to Master/slave?"  I struggled to answer beyond, "'Property' felt right.  'Slave" has never worked for me."  I didn't add at the time that neither has "Master."  (I was trying to be semi-well-behaved and not offend anyone.)  I've always struggled to answer the 'property' vs 'slave' question, but I searched deeper on my train ride home and have continued to play with the puzzle pieces.  Turns out, there was a lot to unpack and fit together. There are many implied nuances that apply to both "slave" and "property":  belonging, protected, the follower of a leader, etc.  All of those resonate deeply within me.  Always have.  However, FOR ME, "slave" felt inherently wrong, like a dress that fit poorly and whose fabric itched the moment it touched my skin.  Despite my knowledge that I have been/could be utterly devoted to

Yep...I finally had that serious first date with Pain.   My ass felt like the sun !  In addition to the post play physical after effects, there were the dozens of mental ah-ha! moments.  Soooo many initial answers found and lessons learned.  Damn...I love what we do! As I mentioned in To Play with My Pain , I've always had an intermediary in most of my early meetings with Pain.  Maybe intermediary wasn't the right word...more like translator.  Being sado-centric/partner-centric , Pain spoke to me through the context of my relationship and my Partner's pleasure and satisfaction.  If it spoke directly to me, it was mostly introductions or incidental pleasantries. Although the last time I'd played with my previous Sir over a year ago, I would say that I'd definitely lost our translator for the majority of that session.  I hadn't felt connected with Him like I should have, and it showed...or more accurately was FELT.  LOL  That experience challenged my belief

Tomorrow millions in the world will celebrate, but tomorrow is not MY day.  I am white cis gender essentially straight woman.  So why am I planning to be in Manhattan and march in  NYC Pride Parade ? I will march because I wholeheartedly believe that love is love and should be celebrated and normalized. I will march so that my children and maybe their children can live whatever lives they choose on THEIR terms not the narrow minded terms of others. I will march for my friends and family who can't march or who won't march because they are rightfully too worried about consequences should their lifestyle be public.   I will march to support my family, my friends, and strangers who are stunningly beautiful and fiercely brave as their LGBTQ+ selves. I will march for sexual freedom, for alternative relationship styles, for kinky lifestyles.  I will march in solidarity with the broader NYC kink community and extended family that I am firmly a part of who will

I needed the quiet tonight.  Just jazz and words to keep me company and help me spill my truth.  Too many thoughts have built up in my mind, jamming the flow of serenity.  Somehow Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah always nudges open my flood gates. Play... dozens of lessons.  Fascinating puzzle pieces. A warning not to play...am I truly so different?  Is it the demisexual-ness that dictates my disconnectedness?  Or a lifetime of learned compartmentalization?  Is my control a valued trait?  Or is my elusive nature what allows me to move so fluidly between dimensions. Service...have I been mistaken all along?  Have I finally found the safest, most rewarding form of servitude?  Maybe a Man will never again be blessed with what I can give.  If that's true...then what of the whore? Submissive vs slave...the choice versus an alignment of wills.  Yes...gold flecks reflect the sun's litmus test of truth.  A stone melds into my foundation. Sisterhood... Such unknown territory for