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Faith Arisen

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“…She is MINE.” I stood stunned. THAT moment—the force of His words, His tone, His expression, His unapologetic lack of deference to polite societal vanilla norms—is forever branded on my soul. I’d never heard Him say those words to anyone. I’ve never heard anyone say those words. Not about me. Even when someone spoke those words about another, it never sounded like THAT. His fierce, unwavering conviction and open Claim of me was absolute. An irrevocable Law that anyone in His orbit must understand, accept, and Honor. For months, His stoic logic and reason have been moving some of the most fundamental tectonic plates of me. These words weren’t analytical. These words didn’t speak to my mind. They bypassed the analytical and struck the fault lines of my soul.  They called to my lioness. In that moment, she heard and saw the Primal Man roar His inherent Dominance and Authority over me, and His primal Claim set off a seismic shift that began with her instinctive and visceral surr...
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Why I Love the Lifestyle

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Before We Die...

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Spending some time again with Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah this evening.  Somehow he always seems to help me find my words.  He teases them from my soul like he does the haunting notes from his trumpet.  Long.  Drawn out.  Strung together to tell his truth.  Maybe today, I'll find mine. A milestone.  One few can understand the personal and emotional significance of.  The summit of Everest after years of climbing in treacherous, punishing conditions.  A triumph over evil.  A redemption after hell.  It was beautiful and moved me deeply.  A reality I once never dreamed could come to pass. An anniversary.  Five years in NYC.  Where I've grown in ways unimagined.  The dichotomy of the demands and opportunities.  Of harsh practicalities and limitless awe.  My gypsy wanderer dances under the shadows of steel and glass through the concrete jungle.  More pieces of myself unwrapped and stacked on a foun...
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#NoDickShaming

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Calm the Lioness

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I didn't kink last night.  Despite two of my favorite presenters and a topic I'm still curious to explore, I looked at the NYC skyline, the cramped streets, and the endless rain, and I chose the uptown track to carry my home. I didn't kink tonight.  Too leary of wacky icky energy of strange ones, couples with their own focused agenda, and Times Square on a hot sticky night, I avoided another preferred event.  I just didn't have it in me to sift through chaos to find positive crumbs, so I met a friend and talked 1:1 kink for two hours. My choices weren't born of a need to preserve my strength.  I'm almost vibrating with the need to move, an echo of my pacing lioness. My choices were about a need to shield myself from unnecessary aggravation, and if you've never hit Times Square between 5 and 6 pm or spent a rainy evening on New York City streets, at best it can be one hassle after another as everyone fights to avoid the misery of a wet, humid, icky rush...
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When a Sleeping Lioness is Poked

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It's been an odd few weeks...outing myself to a distance acquaintance against my better judgement, my slave self making a spontaneous appearance in an unhealthy situation, a heartbreaking confession, a confrontation with a bully who escalated dumb shit to put his hands on me and ended up on the floor for it, a non-consenting witness to group therapy.  I've racked up a fair share of negative encounters in a short amount of time.  None of them earth shattering or world-changing by any means.  I'm just not at my best.  All of it has left my energy in a funk that I'm not sure how to dissipate. My Lioness is wide awake after having been in a coma for much of the last year, and it wasn't passion and sexiness that woke her.  She definitely rolled off the wrong side of the bed from all the pokes and prods.  She's not angry, but she is annoyed and watchful.  Her claws are unsheathed.  She paces. I know I am well equipped to handle almost anything that ...
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I'm Not the Concierge to the Kinky Wonderland Entrance

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I fucked up a few weeks ago.  Did something stupid.  REALLY STUPID. At the enthusiastic prompting/encouragement of a half-outed kinkster, I fully outed myself to a friend of his (who he swore was kinky) and invited them to join me for a local class I was about to attend. Commence the fucking TRAINWRECK. In under 120 seconds... She revealed missing KEY pieces to their previous interactions that caught me completely off guard.  No...owning my shit here...I felt like an absolute fool. Yes, she had her own alternative lifestyle interest (poly) and seemed openmind to hearing about my own BDSM interests.  She was decently knowledgeable on basic terminology and agreed to join us, but she acted WAY cooler than she was. He got weird and started a bit of a shock-and-awe act as I answered her questions, which amplified my feeling used and more a fool. I without really thinking in this rushed conversation that was quickly picking up speed and tension outed Him...
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Is Control the Bane of Pleasure and Authenticity?

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