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In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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Missing: property. Pls Call if Found.

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~sigh~  It's time I just came out with it.  I can't find my s-side.  Bitch is gone.  Poof.  Greatest magic trick I've come up with in years.  Too bad it wasn't intentional. I literally can't even imagine being submissive.  Memories of kneeling feel like I'm watching a kinky home movie of someone else in my head.  Yes...I'm THAT detached.  I can't hear her.  I can't touch her.  She is bound and gagged somewhere, and I have no idea where. If I'm honest, I'm also too busy to search. Oh...I look around now and then, but I don't change my course of direction.  My mind is focused solely on the tasks at hand, and DAMN have I thrown a heap of tasks into my mix.   #UnownedCopingStrategy  I'm all about progress - FORWARD momentum toward my goals. I can't even feel sad that she's MIA.  All she would do is slow me down with her...ache.  There's no one to Dominate her, so what good would her appearance be?  None.  None.  Negati
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The Debate of Poly Goals

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I posted a list of  my poly questions  back in January, and since then I've been on a quest to determine my answers.  My ears are always on alert for conversation that may shed light for me.  Occasionally, I get lucky. Last week, I found myself in a great discussion with an amazing group of poly folks regarding the challenges of managing vanilla lives as well as defining goals of poly dynamics.  However, I did NOT do a fantastic job of articulating my questions about the goals.  Since then I've tried to better navigate through the ball of yarn in my head to find the right strings to pull. My original goal-centric questions... Do poly relationship goals differ than monogamous ones?  How far can a relationship progress when there isn't "traditional" milestones (AKA The Relationship Escalator: a drawer, the key swap, living together, engagement, marriage, buy a house, etc.) available due to practical poly situations (marriage/kids/vanilla life/legal boundaries)
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Our Storm - Revised

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Revisions to an older post:   http://www.dominakat.com/2018/09/our-storm.html   Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My hands clawed at the wet brick as I braced myself against the brutal rhythm of Him. Another nail shredded. The smack-smack-smack of skin-on-skin and the wet sounds of sin bounced between the confines of the dark, narrow alleyway.  Our harsh melody mingled with the downpour and the low hum of the random box truck that lumbered through the drenched barren city streets.  Even the taxis had forsaken the night to the summer storm. He shoved harder as His voice carried over the rain.  "This is what you deserve for being such a bitch.  A good fucking in the gutter." I spread my legs wider and bent my knees.   Ahhh, yes...there.   I sighed, feeling the full length of Him. The masonry dug into my palms, and the edges of my soaked dress clung to the sides of my pale thick thighs.  He'd bunched the fabric at my back for leverage to fuck hard and mean
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My Masochist v3.0 - How to Explore

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My masochist is one of the least explored out of all of my bottom-ish kinky personas.  Yeah, I've experienced pain but not through a smorgasbord of different types of implements, styles, or scenes.  Honestly, despite my near decade in the lifestyle, I could probably count the number of S&M scenes I've experienced on just a round or two of using my fingers and toes.  Don't get me wrong.  I've had some fucking amazing out-of-this-world scenes, but yeah, it's been one of the most frustratingly difficult aspects of my journey to progress and expand. The reins now lay fully in my hands. Obviously, I need to find viable, trustworthy play partners who will be comfortable with my experience level, interested in my goals, and able to accept my limitations.  Putting the play partner finding aside, I really do need to delve into MY goals and limitations.  You'd think after so long, I'd be able to rattle off my goals and limitations without even thinking.  Howe
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An Exercise: My Loves & Hates of Poly

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I love open and honest. I hate when poly is only a game designed to keep control of Him. I love to add to an existing equation and help build a healthy ecosystem of love and support. I hate when I'm treated as a temporary inconvenience that must be slowly manipulated out of the picture from the behind His back. I love the shared responsibility of loving someone because I understand I can't be everything. I hate when my service to the greater equation is dismissed, ignored as irrelevant, or even resented. I love to witness the broader beauty of others' love. I hate when all I'm granted are the leftover scraps of His life. I love to learn and be inspired by the relationships of others. I hate when my dynamic is deemed as meaningless and my role easily replaceable with someone else. I love the belief that more love is beautiful and welcome. I hate when instead of active feeding of our relationship others rely on my loyalty to hold me. I absolutely love to
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This Too Shall Pass, Right?

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I am where I am for reasons that are not public fodder.  Why I'm here isn't the point. Where I am is. For a while now, I haven't been able to find peace with my submission or harmony with my sacred .  Every day I fight to turn away from frustration, anger, and bitterness.  I fight every day, hour, moment to reach for positive. It's a fucking struggle. I distrust my submission and service to take me anywhere good. I doubt the reality of Dominance that's more than a temporary surface level masquerade. I wonder if I will ever again find grace . With the momentary exceptions of pure compersion when I happen to witness the divinity in others' authority exchange dynamics...confusion, pain, and emptiness have been my only companions as I try to regain my balance and figure out how the fuck to move forward in my journey. I recognize that I'm in a state of recovery, but that awareness does not dull the fucking ache.  This isn't anything special.  I&
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I Don't Give Any Heart-Shaped Fucks

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Valentine's Day. ~eye roll~ I've yet to spend one in any kind of romantic bliss let alone some hot, sexual, decadent bliss. Today is no different. My lips won't be taken by a Man who Owns my soul. My ears won't hear "I fucking love you, you bitch," whispered in breathless need. My neck won't be feast on by a lustful Beast. My breasts won't be molded with fierce greedy Hands. My nipples won't beg a hungry lover to be sucked My back won't arch closer to Him in ecstasy as His nails drag frantically down my spine. My ass won't be bruised from His demanding attention. My hands won't clutch His as He drives my passion toward our precipice. My legs won't spread to welcome His weight and heat. My pussy won't weep for His fullness to drive into it. My mouth won't wrap around His pulsing dick, pleading for mercy as I suck His soul. That is simply not my fate, and I've loooooong ago accepted this fact. And it&
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