Fire & Ice

Now that my submissive has finally found freedom with a Lion who understands how hard I need to run and who is brave enough to traverse the dark paths I've longed to explore, I've discovered My Lil Sadistic Monster hidden in the deepest dark shadows of my soul. With my Owner's and several close friends' encouragement, I get closer and closer to this Wild Thing. I watch My Lil Monster.  I feed Her little bites when I go to meet ups/munches, classes, and the occasional party. I can soooo feel when my Sadist perks up at a juicy morsel. ~GROWL~ While I’m not quite ready to act on anything - or maybe I should say anyONE - I recognize that that time is rapidly approaching.  This post has been months in the making, as I've gotten to know at least My Lil Monster's initial basic rules, needs, desires, and limits. First and FOREMOST it needs to be clear.   No one HAS to play with My Sadistic Bitch.   Really.  I am a FIRM believer in respecting others’ needs and l

In 2017, I am exquisitely blessed to have found community.  My first dip in the local pool was back in the Spring at an NYC MAsT meeting.  Within 30 minutes of sitting down and simply listening to the discussion, the tension I'd been feeling for weeks, months, hell...years started to unwrap it's vicious grip on my soul.  I was finally someplace where those around me - despite differences in age, gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, kink interests, background - didn't simply just accept me...they understood. They understood. They. Understood . I've been very lucky and even luckier this year.  Those closest to me accept me for who I am.  I'm not blatant, but I don't have to hide the truth of me completely.  It's never really quite been hidden anyway.  However, to be understood touches your soul and gives you a momentary place to rest and be completely at ease. After that first event, I quickly expanded my attendance to include other groups/ev

I accepted that I was a masochist about seven ago. ~HUGE HAT TIP~ to my dear Chica for opening up the door to the S/m realm of kinkland for me. Our conversations and my experiences with her quickly piqued my curiousity, and it wasn't long before I came to understand... OhFuckYesTHISIsWhatIveBeenMissing! lol In the first couple of years I quickly learned I loved pain and that my masochist extended beyond the physical to mental and to some extent emotional. In the right context, humiliation, degradation and objectification are sweet cream for my lioness.  Unfortunately, my growth was stunted and hindered and v1.0 didn't have any opportunity to evolve for many years. This year I've been attempting to make a concerted effort to move forward on this piece of my journey and have actually made ~some~ significant though slow progress toward understanding my masochist.   Classes, discussion groups, more classes, and more roundtable and panel discussions have sooooo FED

My Lioness paces her lair. She’s been patient and understanding, but now unrelenting hunger roars through my veins like a volcano about to erupt. I flashback to moments and lick my lips for a feast long overdue. How His mouth shamelessly plunged again and again to drink my soul that very first night in front of a crowded bar. The feel of that cigar pushing through my pussy lips. Those hours He spent beating me just days later with His hands and that leather belt. The ridge of Him pressed against my ass on the subway. Pushing my ass into the air to accept the kisses from that leather strap as I balanced on that saw horse. The raw pleasure etched on His face time and time again as I worshipped and devoured. When He pushed me to the floor like a Man possessed and buried Himself in my ass for the first time as He bit me over and over. Watching Him sink deep into another even as He reached for me and kissed me. The vicious slap to my face before He took His whore to task

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why. Just... The urge... The desire... The instinct... The need... Was simply there. Surrounded by the quiet. With no words between us. In the last bit of time we had in the day... I surrendered. To Him. To us. To my submission. I slipped from His warm embrace and curled on the floor at my Owner’s feet. Slowly... So slowly... I let go. Of what I don’t know. My self control? My pride? My ego? The last defenses around my heart? My...??? I don’t know. I don’t know. He knew. This was no little moment. No casual act. His hand stroked me. His whispered “good girl” became my everything. After long moments. Tears fell. Sprung from everywhere and nowhere. They licked the hem of His jeans and bled into the tiny ridges in His sock. My sniffles and quiet sobs... Gave away my soul. I’m left both shattered and whole. At perfect peace and every seam undone. I didn’t seek this. I wasn’t reaching for it. To have resisted... Would not have been authentic. Woul

I could be about to stir a pot and create a shitstorm, but maybe sticking my foot in my mouth (as some will likely view this post) will start some productive counter discussion to the hot mess I see spewing into the mainstream culture. Dear Uber Feminists and Social Justice Warriors for Women...stop fucking trying to make to make my sexuality disappear. Seriously, bitches...don't fuck with the core of My womanhood. You can't shame me for it, and stop fucking shaming Men for appreciating it.  What the fucking FUCK is THAT??? I wholeheartedly GET that I am way, way, WAY more than a sexual object. Any guy, girl, gender fluid person who doesn't believe that my sexuality is just a piece of me is a short sighted foolish asshat in my eyes.  But just because I am more than my sexuality, does NOT mean I should hide, ignore, or deny the beauty, the joy, and the sheer fucking amazing power of my feminine sexuality in whatever damn form I choose to display it in. And no one else sh

~sigh~ I am shameless. I typically don't let myself feel the true intensity. In the last year, I've done my best to avoid any kind of potential emotional roller coaster rides. However, the two glasses of wine at lunch yesterday and confessions between very old friends absolutely fuels this current embrace of my truth. Whether or not I let myself get caught up often in such strong emotions doesn't change reality. I am shamelessly in love with that Man. I've been in love before but never quite like this.  Never...so...easy...smooth. I have no expectations beyond our occasional shared moments together. I have no desire to have that which belongs to anyone else. I have no misconception of some unrealistic grand happily ever after. I have no drive to be to Him any more than what I am today. I merely am in love with the Man He is. His outrageous strengths and optimism. His quirky flaws and human weaknesses. I celebrate our differences and learn from them. I appre