In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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My Needs in a TPE

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My blog posts are a bit daunting to sift through, so I pulled together a short list in case the question what I'm looking for in regards to M/s ever needs a serious response.

Yes, the definition of "needs versus wants" is always a thing.  My subjective criteria: If x was NOT a foundational aspect of my relationship, would it significantly impact my surrender and ability to serve? 

So...if I was to have a strong 24/7 Authority-Based Relationship that encompassed most aspects of my life...

My Relationship Needs in an Ideal TPE Situations
  1. To grow, learn, evolve...to positively impact me and my journey
  2. True to me | a lioness not a pirouetting renaissance fair chic or a helpless clueless lamb (I can not be less, so he can fake like he's more.)
    [This Woman's Submission...]
  3. A competent/compatible partner* I can connect with and believe in | an ability to align wills
    [My Reverse Matryoshka Doll...]
  4. To belong/be claimed/be wanted | a functional Owner/property dynamic (not just the bedroom fantasy)
    [My Sacred...] and [Owner Privileges...]
  5. To serve Him
    [This Woman's Submission...]
  6. Brutal honesty and transparency between us/Trust (no, I don't need to know the secrets to His magic tricks.) 
  7. A soul deep, intense, spiritual connection
    [My Religion...]
  8. To be known. Seen. For all that I am and all that I become with Him. Through His eyes, I'm reborn; not surface-level amusement park ride encounters or relegated to shadows.
    [Soul Searcher...] 
  9. Sexually Intense | The opportunity and ability to fulfill/sate His sexual desires
    [Ex Our Storm...]
  10. Purpose-driven structure | clear goals as His property and for our dynamic/life (if applicable)
    [My Failure to Embrace Basic M/s Tradition | The Rebellious Non-Petitioning slave/property...]
  11. Community presence | Does not need to match my level of engagement at ALL, but His support would be vital.  I'm also not interested in having a secret relationship.  ~eye roll~  
  12. Consistency | I'm very adaptable and laid back, but I prefer to maximize opportunities and minimize chaos.  Consistency reinforces the structure, makes me recognize His awareness, etc.
Critical Success Factor Need | To be protected.
I didn't include this one in my primary list because needing protection rarely is an issue.  I do my best to be competent, smart, and situationally aware of all the damn things.  However, the moment I am blatantly NOT protected...when I watch my "M" stand on the sidelines going "What? Was I supposed to do something?" I'm fucking done.  Our glass bubble is broken for me because if my supposed "Owner" can't summon the courage or strength to protect me...why the fuck am I in that dynamic?

*Partner Requirements
  • Mentally stable and realistic
  • Ethical/Accountable/Responsible/Someone I can Respect
  • Willing to thoughtfully serve the relationship
  • Self-aware and secure in Himself
  • Prefers a positive and productive approach (over a negative or passive approach) to life  
  • Has the strength, knowledge, and confidence to Lead a lioness
  • Functional
  • Curious/inquisitive/willing to explore the new/untried | a seeker of the experience
  • Purposeful/can Vision and move toward that Vision
  • Kind
  • Creative/flexible
  • Pride in the Ownership of what's His
~sigh~ As I face this list, I’m once again confronted with the reality of such low odds.  I can flex many of my needs, desires, wants to build a multitude of less intense/demanding relationships, but I cannot shortcut an on-going Authority-Based relationship.  To surrender leaves me at my most vulnerable.  To surrender means giving all that I am.  Luckily, I’ve never been more comfortable waiting. 
~DominaKat 

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