Fire & Ice

*(WIP | Raw Copy)* Top space... Epiphany...I guess i do Service Top. Every time i host a group/give a presentation I shift into Top Space mentally, emotionally, physically. I do what I do out of service. To share what lil knowledge I have, so that maybe it helps someone a small bit on their own journey as they search for answers and understanding. If I’m lucky, I’ll learn a thing or two myself.  So... Service Top. The costs...fuck me but the cost can be brutal. Don’t get me wrong...I enjoy the energy in the moment. In fact there is absolutely joy when those I’m in service to get excited about the thing or find a crumb they’ve been searching for. But don’t believe for a moment that automatically shoves me to the right side of the slash. It’s the aftermath that reveals the truth. When mental, emotional, physical exhaustion overwhelms me from all the soul energy I had to expend to do the thing and do the thing well. In the post-event hours, my /s-side is left naked and exposed

I am an insatiable Lover in your life. If You can pique my interests and challenge me. I could be the strong Woman by Your side. If You are a strong, beautiful Man and make the effort to see all I am. I could be Your sweet, wicked Domina on Your arm. If You are a Sir that deserves and respects a classy lady. I could the alfred of Your dreams. If You are a Superhero of Integrity and have Goals I can believe in. I would be Your vicious Warrior ever at Your back. If You prove worthy of my sincerest respect. I could be Your ever-hungry Masochist crumpled at Your feet. If Your greedy Sadist deliciously feasts on my pain and fucks my mind. I would be Your committed, monogamous Partner in life. If You are honest, careful, considerate, and love true. I could be your wild primal prey in your sights. If You are a Dark Beast who can shelve His ego and dance with my defiance. I would be Your nasty, fucking Whore in Your arms. If You stroke my hedonistic twisted desires and che

At about the 15 minute mark of the first session of the Flame Conference yesterday. I absentmindedly shifted in my chair as I sipped my DIY mocha with instant coffee and ready whip.  (Suffering is real!) I listened to the speaker, scanned the slides, scribbled copious notes in my purple book most of you have seen in my lap.  Then my subconscious started knocking at my conscious... Subconscious | ~knock knock~ Bitch, you paying attention??? Conscious | ~shifted in chair~   Huh ? ~sips chocolate, coffee, cream~ Subconscious | GURL!  Has it really been that long that you don't even know what's up? Conscious | What's up?  Where?  What?  Is there a fire?"  ~sniff~   Has the apocalypse started?  ~listens~ {pigeon sounds} Subconscious | ~groan!~ Conscious | Whaaaa...I'm in a conference session.  What is the issue?!?   ~shifts in chair~   Wait....oh shit! Subconscious | Yeeeeessss, bitch...yeeeesssssssss! Conscious | ~shifts in chair~   Huh... ~rubs thighs toge

My blog posts are a bit daunting to sift through, so I pulled together a short list in case the question what I'm looking for in regards to M/s ever needs a serious response. Yes, the definition of "needs versus wants" is always a thing.  My subjective criteria: If x was NOT a foundational aspect of my relationship, would it significantly impact my surrender and ability to serve?  So...if I was to have a strong 24/7 Authority-Based Relationship that encompassed most aspects of my life... My Relationship Needs in an Ideal TPE Situations To grow, learn, evolve...to positively impact me and my journey True to me | a lioness not a pirouetting renaissance fair chic or a helpless clueless lamb (I can not be less, so he can fake like he's more.) [ This Woman's Submission... ] A competent/compatible partner* I can connect with and believe in | an ability to align wills [ My Reverse Matryoshka Doll... ] To belong/be claimed/be wanted | a functional Owner/property

To my Community Friends & Family...I miss you!  I know I'm connecting with many of you numerous ways electronically, but I fucking MISS sharing space with YOU. I miss your warm hugs. I miss the smell of you. I miss the solid-ness of you. I miss watching you interact with those you love most. I miss that subtle look you'd send my way of "WTF?" at something someone else may have said. I miss your head leaning on my shoulder or (depending on height) my head on yours. I miss putting my hand on your arm, thigh, or chest as I laughed in joy at our conversation. I miss that side-eye glance followed by..."stop talking...I need a minute to think of all you just envisioned." I miss sitting next to you on shitty chairs in a cramped room all for the purpose of simply sharing knowledge and energy. I miss the friction of our bodies rubbing against one another as we moved through a crowded munch. I miss the shared excitement and heat as we played together i

I'm not going to bullshit.  The desire right now to be well and truly Owned by an M-type who is stronger, smarter, more capable than me is visceral. Don't get me wrong.  It isn't overwhelming or crippling.  I continue to stand fucking STRONG in the face of this tsunami that has flooded NYC.  I am blessedly still working, and as soon as my day is done I start the work/effort of supporting the community I love so much however I can. Of course throughout the day I also handle a myriad of tasks.  I stay informed as much as I can on the status of all the things by catching Cuomo's press conference, scrolling the news feeds, and reading the emergency notifications.  I dash out every few days for a super quick trip to the store to replenish essentials and to stretch my legs so used to eating up two miles of the concrete jungle a day.  Most of all, I virtually connect with friends and family in an endless warm loop of love, concern, compassion, and support.  I eat.  I exe

Holy shit! The calendar is clear, the fridge is stocked with a whole lot of crap you don't really want to cook, there's a stack of toilet paper in the linen closet, and binge watching NetFlix is starting to get on your nerves.  WTF do we DO with our Kinky Selves???  Do you masturbate AGAIN?!?  ~sigh~ Damn...no buzz.  If you have a few minutes to kill while your favorite device builds a charge... Listen to some kinky podcasts like: KinkyCast or Off the Cuffs or Touch of Flavor Discover some new music!  Might I suggest checking out... Jazz | Charles Mingus (personal fav - "Moanin'", Thelonious Monk (fav - "Don't Blame Me", or if you need something modern...Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah  African Beats | Thutmose - Ride with Me or WuWu,  Ajebutter22 - Ghana Bounce or Yawa,  Joey B - La Familia or No Waste Time Checkout some lifestyle-related videos (No...I don't mean porn!) Leather Leadership Conference | Classes, Panels, Keynotes from pre